OK, I get the "pretending" confusion and agree in those cases, it is merely a ploy. (Sorry I really wasn't reading the thread carefully.) However, I think sometimes there is a real disconnect between opposing sides. They just don't understand how anyone could think they way they do. I've personally have been very confused by some of the arguments I see. They just don't seem rational, even though the people making them may be sincere. Not sure what causes the total disconnect.
Simply put, it can be chalked up to tunnel vision.
I'll use a different political example, the conversation about healthcare in the US.
I've said before that when people engage me about the topic of healthcare, and "which system is the best", my answer to that is "it depends which aspect you're prioritizing" and then cite the analogy of someone asking me which type of vehicle is "the best"
If a person says
"I want something that'll go 0-60 really fast"
vs.
"I want something that's very fuel efficient"
vs.
"I want something that can pull our boat up to the campground"
My answer will 3 completely different things.
Same with healthcare... if a person prioritizes making sure everyone can get basic routine care regardless of if they have a dime to their name, single payer is atop the mountain... if you want the latest and greatest innovation for rare conditions (but have to pay out the nose for it), then the for-profit privatized model is the best.
The same is true with most political topics... people seem to be inclined to embrace "all or nothing" methodologies over nuanced approaches.
Which is why "there's no such thing as trans people, they're all just mentally ill" and "everyone who feels like they may be trans needs to be affirmed immediately regardless of age, refusal to do is contributing their suicide" have gained more traction than more nuanced approaches.