Church meeting with minister - can you help?

seeking.IAM said:

I mean no disrespect in this comment, but it sounds like you have misgivings about the church you were raised in yet you then joined another just like it. While it is admirable that you are going to share your concerns with your church leadership, perhaps you would be well served to look for a church that is not like the one you were raised in, which you didn't like so much in the first place. We naturally tend to gravitate to the familiar. Sometimes it is useful to step out of familiar territory and our comfort zone. Best wishes.

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Thank you so much! No offense taken at all!

For context, I was raised in US and I now live in England. I didn't attend church for many years, for a variety of reasons, and researched many before attending, finally. England vs US churches are two entirely different ballgames, IMO, but maybe the whole thing is a different ballgame from how I was raised?

The first church I went to, a number of times, was very small <20 total people. They were nice but they were also very low energy. By this, I mean that the sermons seemed to lack conviction and the congregation literally fell asleep throughout the sermon and woke up towards the end at the promise of cake! Many of the women knitted during the sermon and, with the exception of one elder, they did not feel very welcoming after we had attended a number of times. We found ourselves trying to mingle with really socially awkward people who seemed very insular. They, by no means, seemed rude or anything but we just didn't feel like we were a good fit given our personality types, professions, age etc. This was a non-demon church, btw.

So, we sought another church with the same Statement of Faith which was larger thinking there may be a different or more varied demographic e.g. mix of ages, backgrounds, etc. This larger church definitely marks those boxes which is why I would be reluctant to just bail out if I feel there is truly good will on their part.

David Lamb said:

I have heard good, biblical sermons which are short, medium length, and long. I would say that whether the sermon is biblical or not is far more important than its length.

None of the churches I have been a member of has an altar, or a call to an altar. I agree that unsaved people should be given clear information on how to find out more about the way of salvation. The preacher could say, "Have a word with me after the service," or "My contact details are on the notice board/service sheet (or where ever)." Altar calls tend to be associated with the idea of "going to the front" and repeating the "sinner's prayer." Many churches would say that such a practice is not described in the bible.

I do wish you all the best for your meeting, and may God guide you as to where you should be in membership in he future.

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Thank you so much for this information. Maybe there is a difference in US/UK churches and I will ensure that I take cultural differences into account during our discussion. Really appreciated!

Delvianna said:

But see I dont see it as derailing. How is a woman supposed to, and according to you,


If the change is leadership based and so far your only answer is to become a leader themselves. So my question is very much relevant. If a woman has these issues, what do they do? I can only guess based off your last reply that you mean they say nothing? Because that's not scriptural when we are all called to hold each other accountable.

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I don't know if it helps or not but I can only say what I did, bearing in mind that I have never done anything like this before, so wouldn't like to say if the approach was right or wrong.

I emailed the church secretary, who is a woman and who has been very, very kind to me. She was not raised in England and came from a Pentecostal background in her country so we had a lot in common from the beginning.

I laid out my concerns about what was/was not being addressed during sermons, why I thought it was important, asked if I had the wrong end of the stick, if there was miscommunication or misunderstanding, who (if anyone) I should speak to about it since the elder who I was very close to and had baptized me earlier this year had retired due to health reasons, if I was breaching etiquette in any way and was it okay to address things with a church or just quietly leave?

I also asked if I was expecting too much from the main sermon and if there were any extracurricular activities in the church I could attend that would further my understanding or any studies outside of the church which they could recommend.

I explained it was all very important for me to approach this correctly out of respect for the church, the individuals within and the fact that moving may affect my husband and adult child who attend with me but are not yet believers.

She responded by saying that maybe God led me there to challenge the way they do things and thanked me for doing so. She said she'd refer me to the lead pastor. After a few weeks, I got an email from a different pastor and the director of ministry (who is a woman) and they invited me to meet with them to discuss why they do what they do etc.

I hope that helps in case you ever find yourself in a similar position and want to discuss things before considering a change.

God bless!