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Michie · Sunday at 4:38 PM

Some churches have disagreements over matters of consequence — doctrine, governance, or leadership. This article is not about such cases.

We’ve encountered some strange reasons for church conflict.

There was the time a church fought over the appropriate length of the pastor’s beard.
Or the case of a church fighting over whether to build a children’s playground or to use the land for a cemetery.
We witnessed a conflict over people leading worship with their eyes closed during a portion of the song.
One church held two business meetings to determine which weed-eater to purchase.
Lastly, a church had a 70% affirmative vote to excommunicate a deacon who threatened to kill the pastor. The running joke was, “30% of this congregation wants the pastor dead.”

Some of these examples may seem petty. Well, they are. And all of them could have been avoided. Just about every church has multiple examples of fights over inconsequential matters. What leads to this point? The problem is too pervasive to ignore.

Continued below.

The Top Reasons for Church Conflict (Why Fights Start Over Trivial Matters) | Church Answers

Some churches have disagreements over matters of consequence—doctrine, governance, or leadership. This article is not about such cases. We’ve encountered some strange reasons for church conflict. There was the time a church fought over the appropriate length of the pastor’s beard. Or the case of...

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Gregory Thompson · Sunday at 5:42 PM

The bullet point list was kinda funny, got dark at the end there though.

Paidiske · Sunday at 5:58 PM

From the article: "When a church fights over what color the carpet should be, it’s rarely about the carpet. It’s often about control, influence, or feeling heard."

Yep. And it plays out over and over again. I have so many stories...

2PhiloVoid · Sunday at 6:28 PM

Paidiske said:
From the article: "When a church fights over what color the carpet should be, it’s rarely about the carpet. It’s often about control, influence, or feeling heard."

Yep. And it plays out over and over again. I have so many stories...

Me too. As in, almost every church I've ever joined in the past. I'm like.................... what is your problem people? Then I found out later that even people in a church building can suffer from delusions of grandeur, narcissism, autism, asperger's and (my personal favorite) schizophrenia, among other mental impairments. I call it the "realist challenge."

Paidiske · Sunday at 6:31 PM

It's not just neurodiversity or mental health issues or whatever, though. It's mostly just plain old emotional immaturity. Instead of being able to communicate their needs, or set healthy boundaries, or whatever, people end up wrangling over how we serve morning tea, or what is stored in which parish cupboard. And I wish those were hypothetical examples, but they're not!

2PhiloVoid · Sunday at 7:49 PM

Paidiske said:
It's not just neurodiversity or mental health issues or whatever, though. It's mostly just plain old emotional immaturity. Instead of being able to communicate their needs, or set healthy boundaries, or whatever, people end up wrangling over how we serve morning tea, or what is stored in which parish cupboard. And I wish those were hypothetical examples, but they're not!

That..........that's it? I want to join your church .... !!!

Gregory Thompson · Sunday at 8:05 PM

Paidiske said:
people end up wrangling over how we serve morning tea

Stir the tea clockwise or counterclockwise?

Paidiske · Sunday at 10:44 PM

Gregory Thompson said:
Stir the tea clockwise or counterclockwise?

I wish - I wish! - that were a hypothetical example. But I remember a parish where the fight over whether to have people queueing up at a servery hatch, or serving themselves from a table, was epic. I mean, they needed a mediator, epic.

And of course there are bigger issues (says me, surrounded by cardboard boxes as I pack to leave a parish fraught with conflict). But my point was really, many people are emotionally immature and have poor relational skills.

And - let me get provocative - churches often coddle them and reinforce their bad behaviour, because we think as Christians we're supposed to love everybody, and that means being "nice" and avoiding conflict. So the life of a parish gets held hostage by the tantrums of the most emotionally immature person, rather than those people being held accountable and given the support they need to mature.

Gregory Thompson · 2025-09-15T03:27:56-0500

Paidiske said:
And - let me get provocative - churches often coddle them and reinforce their bad behaviour, because we think as Christians we're supposed to love everybody, and that means being "nice" and avoiding conflict. So the life of a parish gets held hostage by the tantrums of the most emotionally immature person, rather than those people being held accountable and given the support they need to mature.

It's common to skip what Jesus was recorded saying in Matthew 18.

Nowadays Matthew 18:15-17 tends to be applied as Matthew 15a, 17c.

“If your brother sins against you, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector."

If he doesn't know, not telling.

Again, it goes back to maturity. Inclusiveness can result in a culture of no accountability. However, even if there is a culture of accountability, you may encounter an environment where no one says anything and shuns you if you don't get it. There is no balance, but with maturity comes the balance.

So I guess prayer is the answer, since it is God who transforms the hearts.

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This may be of interest to people of this forum looking for a Church to spur discussion

Michie

Well-Known Member

The Top Reasons for Church Conflict (Why Fights Start Over Trivial Matters) | Church Answers

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Gregory Thompson

Change is inevitable, feel free to spare some.

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Paidiske

Clara bonam audax

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2PhiloVoid

Feel'n the Burn of Philosophy!

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Paidiske

Clara bonam audax

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2PhiloVoid

Feel'n the Burn of Philosophy!

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Gregory Thompson

Change is inevitable, feel free to spare some.

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Paidiske

Clara bonam audax

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Gregory Thompson

Change is inevitable, feel free to spare some.

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