• Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.

Am I a false Christian or a "victim" of Satan?

riverandtree

Member
Jul 8, 2025
15
7
25
Country
✟1,226.00
Country
United States
Gender
Male
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Your experiences are not dissimilar to a lot of Christian's experience, except perhaps in the degree to which you swung to the extremes. There is for most a sort of honey moon period with regard to the faith, where things are comfortable and maintaining the desire to please God is easy. But a tour through the Bible would show you that all manner of ugliness can come from people whom are used powerfully by God and have a deep relationship with Him. The reality is that the Christian life is filled with peaks and valleys, times where God's presence is fully felt and times where it is difficult to care what God has to say. There are times where we're in the oasis, lying in green pastures. And other's where we're in a spiritual desert, far from God. All of this to say you cannot hate yourself into a version of yourself you can love, and becoming what Jesus sees in you is not always going to be pretty. The most difficult thing to learn in the life of most Christians is that while God sets boundaries and allows us to do good works, Christianity is not about jumping through hoops and working ourselves to death avoiding sin of all stripes. Rather than focusing on yourself, cast your eyes upon Jesus. Rather than worrying about what you are or aren't doing to please Him, realize that the words God said to Jesus at His baptism are true of everyone who He gives the power to become sons and daughters. "This is my child, in whom I am well pleased." When you accept that your Father is pleased with you, the works flow from there. Trying to do it the other way around is a recipe for frustration and burnout.
Thanks, brother. I'll try. Blessings
 
Upvote 0

rockytopva

Love to pray! :)
Site Supporter
Mar 6, 2011
20,660
8,037
.
Visit site
✟1,241,244.00
Faith
Pentecostal
Marital Status
Single
Important....

* From clay we are created... From clay we will return
* This clay has been programmed to make more clay
* Unwelcomes desires comes from our clay nature
* The bible teaches if we forgive others we will be forgiven

Here is a Methodist circuit rider helping someone along who did not understand his own nature... After the team had been fed and we had been to supper we put the mules to the wagon, filled it with chairs and we were off to the meeting. When we reached the locality it was about dark and the people were assembling. Their horses and wagons filled up the cleared spaces and the singing was already in progress. My uncle and his family went well up toward the front, but I dropped into a seat well to the rear. It was an old-fashioned Church, ancient in appearance, oblong in shape and unpretentious. It was situated in a grove about one hundred yards from the road. It was lighted with old tallow-dip candles furnished by the neighbors. It was not a prepossessing-looking place, but it was soon crowded and evidently there was a great deal of interest. A cadaverous-looking man stood up in front with a tuning fork and raised and led the songs. There were a few prayers and the minister came in with his saddlebags and entered the pulpit. He was the Rev. W. H. Heath, the circuit rider. His prayer impressed me with his earnestness and there were many amens to it in the audience. I do not remember his text, but it was a typical revival sermon, full of unction and power.

At its close he invited penitents to the altar and a great many young people flocked to it and bowed for prayer. Many of them became very much affected and they cried out distressingly for mercy. It had a strange effect on me. It made me nervous and I wanted to retire. Directly my uncle came back to me, put his arm around my shoulder and asked me if I did not want to be religious. I told him that I had always had that desire, that mother had brought me up that way, and really I did not know anything else. Then he wanted to know if I had ever professed religion. I hardly understood what he meant and did not answer him. He changed his question and asked me if I had ever been to the altar for prayer, and I answered him in the negative. Then he earnestly besought me to let him take me up to the altar and join the others in being prayed for. It really embarrassed me and I hardly knew what to say to him. He spoke to me of my mother and said that when she was a little girl she went to the altar and that Christ accepted her and she had been a good Christian all these years. That touched me in a tender spot, for mother always did do what was right; and then I was far away from her and wanted to see her. Oh, if she were there to tell me what to do!

By and by I yielded to his entreaty and he led forward to the altar. The minister took me by the hand and spoke tenderly to me as I knelt at the altar. I had gone more out of sympathy than conviction, and I did not know what to do after I bowed there. The others were praying aloud and now and then one would rise shoutingly happy and make the old building ring with his glad praise. It was a novel experience to me. I did not know what to pray for, neither did I know what to expect if I did pray. I spent the most of the hour wondering why I was there and what it all meant. No one explained anything to me. Once in awhile some good old brother or sister would pass my way, strike me on the back and tell me to look up and believe and the blessing would come. But that was not encouraging to me. In fact, it sounded like nonsense and the noise was distracting me. Even in my crude way of thinking I had an idea that religion was a sensible thing and that people ought to become religious intelligently and without all that hurrah. I presume that my ideas were the result of the Presbyterian training given to me by old grandfather. By and by my knees grew tired and the skin was nearly rubbed off my elbows. I thought the service never would close, and when it did conclude with the benediction I heaved a sigh of relief. That was my first experience at the mourner's bench.

As we drove home I did not have much to say, but I listened attentively to the conversation between my uncle and his wife. They were greatly impressed with the meeting, and they spoke first of this one and that one who had "come through" and what a change it would make in the community, as many of them were bad boys. As we were putting up the team my uncle spoke very encouragingly to me; he was delighted with the step I had taken and he pleaded with me not to turn back, but to press on until I found the pearl of great price. He knew my mother would be very happy over the start I had made. Before going to sleep I fell into a train of thought, though I was tired and exhausted. I wondered why I had gone to that altar and what I had gained by it. I felt no special conviction and had received no special impression, but then if my mother had started that way there must be something in it, for she always did what was right. I silently lifted my heart to God in prayer for conviction and guidance. I knew how to pray, for I had come up through prayer, but not the mourner's bench sort. So I determined to continue to attend the meeting and keep on going to the altar until I got religion.

Early the next morning I was up and in a serious frame of mind. I went with the other hands to the cottonfield and at noon I slipped off in the barn and prayed. But the more I thought of the way those young people were moved in the meeting and with what glad hearts they had shouted their praises to God the more it puzzled and confused me. I could not feel the conviction that they had and my heart did not feel melted and tender. I was callous and unmoved in feeling and my distress on account of sin was nothing like theirs. I did not understand my own state of mind and heart. It troubled me, for by this time I really wanted to have an experience like theirs.

When evening came I was ready for Church service and was glad to go. It required no urging. Another large crowd was present and the preacher was as earnest as ever. I did not give much heed to the sermon. In fact, I do not recall a word of it. I was anxious for him to conclude and give me a chance to go to the altar. I had gotten it into my head that there was some real virtue in the mourner's bench; and when the time came I was one of the first to prostrate myself before the altar in prayer. Many others did likewise. Two or three good people at intervals knelt by me and spoke encouragingly to me, but they did not help me. Their talks were mere exhortations to earnestness and faith, but there was no explanation of faith, neither was there any light thrown upon my mind and heart. I wrought myself up into tears and cries for help, but the whole situation was dark and I hardly knew why I cried, or what was the trouble with me. Now and then others would arise from the altar in an ecstasy of joy, but there was no joy for me. When the service closed I was discouraged and felt that maybe I was too hardhearted and the good Spirit could do nothing for me.

After we went home I tossed on the bed before going to sleep and wondered why God did not do for me what he had done for mother and what he was doing in that meeting for those young people at the altar. I could not understand it. But I resolved to keep on trying, and so dropped off to sleep. The next day I had about the same experience and at night saw no change in my condition. And so for several nights I repeated the same distressing experience. The meeting took on such interest that a day service was adopted along with the night exercises, and we attended that also. And one morning while I bowed at the altar in a very disturbed state of mind Brother Tyson, a good local preacher and the father of Rev. J. F. Tyson, now of the Central Conference, sat down by me and, putting his hand on my shoulder, said to me: "Now I want you to sit up awhile and let's talk this matter over quietly. I am sure that you are in earnest, for you have been coming to this altar night after night for several days. I want to ask you a few simple questions." And the following questions were asked and answered:

"My son, do you not love God?"
"I cannot remember when I did not love him."
"Do you believe on his Son, Jesus Christ?"
"I have always believed on Christ. My mother taught me that from my earliest recollection."
"Do you accept him as your Savior?"
"I certainly do, and have always done so."
"Can you think of any sin that is between you and the Savior?"
"No, sir; for I have never committed any bad sins."
"Do you love everybody?"
"Well, I love nearly everybody, but I have no ill-will toward any one. An old man did me a wrong not long ago and I acted ugly toward him, but I do not care to injure him."
"Can you forgive him?"
"Yes, if he wanted me to."
"But, down in your heart, can you wish him well?"
"Yes, sir; I can do that."

"Well, now let me say to you that if you love God, if you accept Jesus Christ as your Savior from sin and if you love your fellowmen and intend by God's help to lead a religious life, that's all there is to religion. In fact, that is all I know about it."

Then he repeated several passages of Scriptures to me proving his assertions. I thought a moment and said to him: "But I do not feel like these young people who have been getting religion night after night. I cannot get happy like them. I do not feel like shouting."

The good man looked at me and smiled and said: "Ah, that's your trouble. You have been trying to feel like them. Now you are not them; you are yourself. You have your own quiet disposition and you are not turned like them. They are excitable and blustery like they are. They give way to their feelings. That's all right, but feeling is not religion. Religion is faith and life. If you have violent feeling with it, all good and well, but if you have faith and not much feeling, why the feeling will take care of itself. To love God and accept Jesus Christ as your Savior, turning away from all sin, and living a godly life, is the substance of true religion."

That was new to me, yet it had been my state of mind from childhood. For I remembered that away back in my early life, when the old preacher held services in my grandmother's house one day and opened the door of the Church, I went forward and gave him my hand. He was to receive me into full membership at the end of six months' probation, but he let it pass out of his mind and failed to attend to it.

As I sat there that morning listening to the earnest exhortation of the good man my tears ceased, my distress left me, light broke in upon my mind, my heart grew joyous, and before I knew just what I was doing I was going all around shaking hands with everybody, and my confusion and darkness disappeared and a great burden rolled off my spirit. I felt exactly like I did when I was a little boy around my mother's knee when she told of Jesus and God and Heaven. It made my heart thrill then, and the same old experience returned to me in that old country Church that beautiful September morning down in old North Georgia.

I at once gave my name to the preacher for membership in the Church, and the following Sunday morning, along with many others, he received me into full membership in the Methodist Episcopal Church, South. It was one of the most delightful days in my recollection. It was the third Sunday in September, 1866, and those Church vows became a living principle in my heart and life. During these forty-five long years, with their alternations of sunshine and shadow, daylight and darkness, success and failure, rejoicing and weeping, fears within and fightings without, I have never ceased to thank God for that autumnal day in the long ago when my name was registered in the Lamb's Book of Life. - The Life of George Clark Rankin
 
Upvote 0

rockytopva

Love to pray! :)
Site Supporter
Mar 6, 2011
20,660
8,037
.
Visit site
✟1,241,244.00
Faith
Pentecostal
Marital Status
Single
And again repeating the advice of the Methodist Circuit rider... "Well, now let me say to you that if you love God, if you accept Jesus Christ as your Savior from sin and if you love your fellowmen and intend by God's help to lead a religious life, that's all there is to religion. In fact, that is all I know about it."

Then he repeated several passages of Scriptures to me proving his assertions. I thought a moment and said to him: "But I do not feel like these young people who have been getting religion night after night. I cannot get happy like them. I do not feel like shouting."

The good man looked at me and smiled and said: "Ah, that's your trouble. You have been trying to feel like them. Now you are not them; you are yourself. You have your own quiet disposition and you are not turned like them. They are excitable and blustery like they are. They give way to their feelings. That's all right, but feeling is not religion. Religion is faith and life. If you have violent feeling with it, all good and well, but if you have faith and not much feeling, why the feeling will take care of itself. To love God and accept Jesus Christ as your Savior, turning away from all sin, and living a godly life, is the substance of true religion."
 
Upvote 0

Salvadore

Active Member
Feb 2, 2020
360
255
73
Nashville
✟48,734.00
Country
United States
Gender
Female
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Divorced
I understand you... but before I met Christ or had that encounter with him, I went to different psychologists for about five years, and they never solved anything... I also don't want to put my trust in anything that isn't God.
Forgive me if I'm being foolish or maybe I don't fully understand your message, but this is how I sincerely feel.

After a person experiences conversion, they often think it will result in constant growth and smooth sailing. It doesn't. There will be times when your faith is weak. Your flesh will struggle. Psychologists listen and identify ways that your thinking, attitudes and past experiences affect your mood and patterns of behavior. Read about Paul's struggle with sin in Romans 7: 15-25 every day for a week. Consider working with a Christian counselor.
 
Upvote 0

riverandtree

Member
Jul 8, 2025
15
7
25
Country
✟1,226.00
Country
United States
Gender
Male
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Hopefully others can answer more too.
God wants to bless us and though he gives various seasons in our life, to me it would seem that he does sometimes give us things to help in our lives. I may really like a hobby, but is it an idol? That seems a stretch unless it is something sinful or really takes time away from God. He gives a helpmate to many, suggesting that it is good. Is a spouse an idol? It seems not as they are not mentioned here, though all other family members are.
Mark 10:29-30 (NASB)
29 Jesus said, "Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or farms, for My sake and for the gospel's sake,
30 but that he will receive a hundred times as much now in the present age, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and farms, along with persecutions; and in the age to come, eternal life.

To me, most tests from God are designed to bring you closer to God. Also, does it glorify God? Is the removal just for a season or something permanent? I gave God all my rock music when I first got saved. I threw away my stash of concert ticket stubs, got rid of music like Pink Floyd and turned to Christian music. It worked out pretty well but over the years, yes, I do listen to a bit of rock at times, and even found country music appealing as well. (to my surprise).

In a way I am sorry this is such a test of discernment for you. If you are to give something up generally there is a replacement. I think too that you should be able to give something up at least for a time. Such discipline is good. That you can have alternatives that will bring you joy. I will say too that worldly joy is different from the joy of the spirit. Joy from within does depend on God, worldly joy depends on things. The former is far better but we all have a mix and yes God does give some nice gifts that go along with salvation. Abundant life is full and complete life, though with suffering at times, designed to make us better. This abundance seems elusive to you but I am thinking you do not expect it much? Why not? God gives lots of great gifts if you can reach out in faith to Him. Sometimes material things but those are the lesser gifts when what is really needed is wisdom, peace and for some even health.

I think the correction out of this is going to come from others around you that can discern and help you stay on track, it can come too from the Holy Spirit. But reach out in the fellowship with others. Even ask God for help. Moses and many others asked for help. Even Jesus wanted the disciples to pray but they were too weak to help. Such alone times are possible but they do not persist for very long. I mentioned before too about getting better teaching etc. to help break you out of the rut. Most Christians need that at times. It is not a bed of roses just gleefully following Christ for many. The bible says we will have tough obstacles and the process can bring love being shed in our hearts by the Holy Ghost.
Romans 5:3-5 (NASB)
3 And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance;
4 and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope;
5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
So sorry I can't answer if the internet radio thing was God or not. It seems to me you passed the test, as you obeyed and did the best you could. Sure, you, me and so many others may not have praised God on through various ordeals, but few of us are like paul and silas singing praises to God while jailed for the gospel. If it was the devil, God can make it up to you. If it was God, He too will act on his behalf to teach you and bring you closer. It may seem like a wreck now but you are not going to end up a wreck if you keep on persevering and looking for answers and the way of God.
I will say too that Some things are good to just leave on the shelf for God to bring up later to a time where you can understand and have revelation. Some of my questions to God have taken years, a few even pop up decades later. What matters the most is what you can look forward too. There is much, so talk to God about that and put the past behind you. I will say too that in my life the biggest enemy was "normal." Normal USA Christians are generally boring. Jesus' disciples were dynamic, flexible, ever learning, and a whole host of positive things. Yes, they had failures of faith too but they persisted and all did quite well with the exception of one. And no you are not like Judas. These days the worse most do is ignore the spiritual and you are far from that.
Another thing that may help you is to be honest with God. I am not saying insult Him, (From experience I know anyone can but it won't be fruitful) but instead tell him your issues with the radio, with family, with your job and even your disposition. Let those feeling out, not for Him, but so you do not keep much expression in because you have laid everything on the table and have asked for help. Remember too that weaknesses are not all fixed overnight so again that slack to yourself is very important. That's about all i can add at the moment. Be blessed though in every way.
Hopefully others can answer more too.
God wants to bless us and though he gives various seasons in our life, to me it would seem that he does sometimes give us things to help in our lives. I may really like a hobby, but is it an idol? That seems a stretch unless it is something sinful or really takes time away from God. He gives a helpmate to many, suggesting that it is good. Is a spouse an idol? It seems not as they are not mentioned here, though all other family members are.
Mark 10:29-30 (NASB)
29 Jesus said, "Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or farms, for My sake and for the gospel's sake,
30 but that he will receive a hundred times as much now in the present age, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and farms, along with persecutions; and in the age to come, eternal life.

To me, most tests from God are designed to bring you closer to God. Also, does it glorify God? Is the removal just for a season or something permanent? I gave God all my rock music when I first got saved. I threw away my stash of concert ticket stubs, got rid of music like Pink Floyd and turned to Christian music. It worked out pretty well but over the years, yes, I do listen to a bit of rock at times, and even found country music appealing as well. (to my surprise).

In a way I am sorry this is such a test of discernment for you. If you are to give something up generally there is a replacement. I think too that you should be able to give something up at least for a time. Such discipline is good. That you can have alternatives that will bring you joy. I will say too that worldly joy is different from the joy of the spirit. Joy from within does depend on God, worldly joy depends on things. The former is far better but we all have a mix and yes God does give some nice gifts that go along with salvation. Abundant life is full and complete life, though with suffering at times, designed to make us better. This abundance seems elusive to you but I am thinking you do not expect it much? Why not? God gives lots of great gifts if you can reach out in faith to Him. Sometimes material things but those are the lesser gifts when what is really needed is wisdom, peace and for some even health.

I think the correction out of this is going to come from others around you that can discern and help you stay on track, it can come too from the Holy Spirit. But reach out in the fellowship with others. Even ask God for help. Moses and many others asked for help. Even Jesus wanted the disciples to pray but they were too weak to help. Such alone times are possible but they do not persist for very long. I mentioned before too about getting better teaching etc. to help break you out of the rut. Most Christians need that at times. It is not a bed of roses just gleefully following Christ for many. The bible says we will have tough obstacles and the process can bring love being shed in our hearts by the Holy Ghost.
Romans 5:3-5 (NASB)
3 And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance;
4 and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope;
5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
So sorry I can't answer if the internet radio thing was God or not. It seems to me you passed the test, as you obeyed and did the best you could. Sure, you, me and so many others may not have praised God on through various ordeals, but few of us are like paul and silas singing praises to God while jailed for the gospel. If it was the devil, God can make it up to you. If it was God, He too will act on his behalf to teach you and bring you closer. It may seem like a wreck now but you are not going to end up a wreck if you keep on persevering and looking for answers and the way of God.
I will say too that Some things are good to just leave on the shelf for God to bring up later to a time where you can understand and have revelation. Some of my questions to God have taken years, a few even pop up decades later. What matters the most is what you can look forward too. There is much, so talk to God about that and put the past behind you. I will say too that in my life the biggest enemy was "normal." Normal USA Christians are generally boring. Jesus' disciples were dynamic, flexible, ever learning, and a whole host of positive things. Yes, they had failures of faith too but they persisted and all did quite well with the exception of one. And no you are not like Judas. These days the worse most do is ignore the spiritual and you are far from that.
Another thing that may help you is to be honest with God. I am not saying insult Him, (From experience I know anyone can but it won't be fruitful) but instead tell him your issues with the radio, with family, with your job and even your disposition. Let those feeling out, not for Him, but so you do not keep much expression in because you have laid everything on the table and have asked for help. Remember too that weaknesses are not all fixed overnight so again that slack to yourself is very important. That's about all i can add at the moment. Be blessed though in every way.
Brilliant response. I had overlooked it. Rereading it carefully today, I discovered it. God bless you and keep you always. Thank you.
 
Upvote 0

jmldn2

Newbie
Site Supporter
Nov 20, 2013
568
240
North Carolina
✟129,121.00
Country
United States
Gender
Female
Faith
Methodist
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Republican
I believe I converted two years ago, after going through a very deep depression. I'm 25 years old and have always had a tendency toward depression throughout my life. But everything got worse when I began to doubt the existence of God.
I immersed myself in atheist websites and began to blindly or fanatically believe in their arguments, which led me to atheism. I don't think I was ever 100% atheist, but I was largely one.
This inclination toward atheism brought a deep and profound spiritual depression into my life. I even sank into a very dark, dead-end pit and began to sin excessively. I stopped sleeping at night and slept during the day. I felt demonic presences when I slept and in my dreams. I had nightmares. I was in this situation for a little over two months.
Until one night, I surrendered to God in prayer. I was tired of the nightmares and the whole traumatic situation. I asked God for forgiveness and told Him to do whatever He wanted with me.
That same night I didn't have any nightmares while I slept, and when I woke up, I woke up completely credulous, convinced that God had healed and saved me.
From that moment on, completely transformative changes began in my life. I overcame the social phobia I'd suffered from my entire life; the depressive symptoms diminished until they disappeared completely. I began to have a normal relationship with my biological father (we always didn't get along, and because of his personality, I was afraid of him). However, we began to develop a father-son relationship we'd never had before, perhaps nothing unusual, but something completely unknown to me.
I stopped using obscene language in my home.
I fell completely in love with God. I wanted to please Him in everything, and it pained me greatly to fail Him.
I started attending church and didn't want to miss a single day of the meetings.
Neighbors and friends were amazed by my dramatic change.
I began practicing some hobbies, which I had in my past life but didn't enjoy passionately because of my depression.
All of this went smoothly for about 5 months (September 2023), when I felt God almost audibly tell me that I had to give up one of my hobbies, internet radio.
It's true that I did it for most of the day, so it's likely (or very likely) that I had made an idol of that hobby, and that I was distancing myself from God.
Then I quit, and little by little I began to experience a growing emptiness in my heart. Not only that, but little by little I began to doubt the existence of God again. My joy began to wane; it was no longer constant, but rather ups and downs. My shyness gradually returned, my mood began to depend on the circumstances, and there were times when I lost control, meaning the symptoms of my old life seemed to reappear. However, I continued to attend church without any problems, but there were many ups and downs.
And so it remained until approximately November 2024.
My father began to act harshly and somewhat abusively again (I don't know if it was because he noticed my bad mood and I seemed more easily manipulated, like in my old life, or because he was feeling ill again).
We have been working together since March 2024.
The problem is that the abuse became so harassing and unbearable that I couldn't take it anymore. I was becoming psychologically ill, withdrawing socially once again. Until one day I came home and decided I no longer wanted to work with him (December 2024).
Shortly after this happened, I once again challenged the little faith I had by conducting an atheistic Google search on whether God existed.
And that caused a break in my faith, so that for approximately six months now, I have been doubting that what saved me two years ago was the power of God, of Jesus, of the God of the Bible. And this brings me to what the title indicates. The fact that I am currently doubting the Scriptures, the existence of that God, indicates whether I was truly converted two years ago or if I am simply like the dogs and pigs of 2 Peter 2:21-22.
Furthermore, in recent months, due to questions I have asked members of my congregation about this state of unbelief and doubt, I have become angry and held grudges regarding things I have disagreed with them on, and I have responded inappropriately, obeying carnal desires. And I don't know (I really don't know) if a true convert can make those mistakes and have those ugly feelings. To this day, with one of the brothers, I still have them.
And the truth is, I'm very sad. I feel lost because I don't know where I stand. When I was in better times and I sinned, I realized I was close to God because I immediately repented and felt His forgiveness. But now I don't know when I'm obeying the Spirit, and when I act by the flesh, it's like I can't discern it; I'm much further away...
I also don't know if what's happening to me is my fault (maybe in part) or if it's a process prepared by God to help me grow spiritually and mature... I really don't know.
I find it hard to repent of my sins. There's a certain resentment toward God that I struggle to uncover. Genuine repentance doesn't spring from me, as if I have nothing to hold on to.
I don't know... What do you think?
Thank you.
God bless you all greatly.
I have been on anti-depression meds for over 30 years. Depression runs in my ancestry and my immediate family! It is a chemical imbalance of the brain agitated by emotional issues and environmental agents as well. Now that is the physical part of depression.

As I read your post, it seems to me you could be under the darts of the devil himself. You were saved, believed in God the Creator and His Son Jesus Christ, and that "saving" is sealed by the Holy Spirit. Also, God loves "unconditionally" and that was shown through the death, burial, and risen Jesus Christ. The blood shed by our Lord and Savior covers us forever unto eternity. Satan readily attacks those of the Body of Christ because the devil wants control of our minds, bodies, lives.

Get on your knees and confess everything you have told us in this post to your Lord. Seek His peace. Pray without ceasing.

You made the right move by posting your situation on here above other believers. Jesus will help you. Believe and receive.
 
  • Like
Reactions: riverandtree
Upvote 0

stevevw

inquisitive
Nov 4, 2013
15,810
1,695
Brisbane Qld Australia
✟317,891.00
Gender
Male
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
I think what you are going through would be fairly common. I know I struggled at times with doubt. I think its natural that in times when your going through painful experiences or feeling weaker, having lots of worries and stress from life and feeling sick and tired we can fall into doubt and question things, question God.

I think to varyng degrees we all become the devils advocate and question our faith. Its a hard thing when you think about believing in something the world calls unreal. When we are stronger in faith we don't question and know that no explanation can explain faith in God. Its evidence unseen.

But when we are down every atheist objection comes up and we get lured in into a rabbit hole.

In saying that none of this I think is unusual though I understand that some if not many today have increased anxxiety and depression. But this is really I think a more extreme reaction to what is normal doubts being exaggerated. So perhaps this is where cognitive therapy or something like that which helps put thoughts in their right place is good.

Also sharing your worries with others in the church or a good friend. This is getting out the worries and sharing them. Like I said I think many people have similar issues including depression and anxiety but may not mention this. Its good to have a confidant. I think its the thoughts swirling around in the head without another perspective to expose them can end up doing peoples heads in.

I think all this makes us stronger in the end. The idea that the transformation in Christ is some easy and sudden change is unreal. Its hard and feels too hard sometimes.

But I think God always provides a way. We may not see it but He does. If your asking questions and are concerned about your relationship with God I think that is being faithful through the hard times. Its not always going to feel like happily ever after, Don't be too hard on yourself.

PS one aspect I forgot. I think there is a degree of negative spirits at work as well. We have the mental, physical but also the spiritual. I think in some part it can be Satan just making it harder. He likes it when people doubt. Feeds off it.

I know that if I allow something to fester, perhaps holding onto something I find hard to let go of it begins to have negative effects in the home or at work. Its usually something God is conicting me of doing of changing or giving up. The deadly sins can be like evil spirts in themselves that take hold.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: riverandtree
Upvote 0

riverandtree

Member
Jul 8, 2025
15
7
25
Country
✟1,226.00
Country
United States
Gender
Male
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
I have been on anti-depression meds for over 30 years. Depression runs in my ancestry and my immediate family! It is a chemical imbalance of the brain agitated by emotional issues and environmental agents as well. Now that is the physical part of depression.

As I read your post, it seems to me you could be under the darts of the devil himself. You were saved, believed in God the Creator and His Son Jesus Christ, and that "saving" is sealed by the Holy Spirit. Also, God loves "unconditionally" and that was shown through the death, burial, and risen Jesus Christ. The blood shed by our Lord and Savior covers us forever unto eternity. Satan readily attacks those of the Body of Christ because the devil wants control of our minds, bodies, lives.

Get on your knees and confess everything you have told us in this post to your Lord. Seek His peace. Pray without ceasing.

You made the right move by posting your situation on here above other believers. Jesus will help you. Believe and receive.
Yes... I think it's a highly accurate answer... it's also true that I have to abandon a sin... but there are times when I feel so anxious that I can't find another way out...

Regarding the Bible, when I confront myself with the Word, doubts and the need to argue the facts with secular history almost immediately arise.

When I can verify the facts of the Bible or a particular fact that generates doubt with external sources, that's when I allow myself to believe.

I also sense that I'm in a kind of comfort zone that has me 'frozen' in this state, and I always go around in circles without being able to break it.

At times, it seems that I prefer sin (short-term pleasure) to making an effort to seek God...

Another question: There are times when I do feel joy... but I immediately begin to project or fantasize about fulfilling my life's dreams or buying material things...
Is that normal?
Or would it be normal for me to focus on doing things so others can get to know God?

Thank you. You're helping me a lot in this process...
 
Upvote 0

jmldn2

Newbie
Site Supporter
Nov 20, 2013
568
240
North Carolina
✟129,121.00
Country
United States
Gender
Female
Faith
Methodist
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Republican
Yes... I think it's a highly accurate answer... it's also true that I have to abandon a sin... but there are times when I feel so anxious that I can't find another way out...

Regarding the Bible, when I confront myself with the Word, doubts and the need to argue the facts with secular history almost immediately arise.

When I can verify the facts of the Bible or a particular fact that generates doubt with external sources, that's when I allow myself to believe.

I also sense that I'm in a kind of comfort zone that has me 'frozen' in this state, and I always go around in circles without being able to break it.

At times, it seems that I prefer sin (short-term pleasure) to making an effort to seek God...

Another question: There are times when I do feel joy... but I immediately begin to project or fantasize about fulfilling my life's dreams or buying material things


Is that normal?
Or would it be normal for me to focus on doing things so others can get to know God?

Thank you. You're helping me a lot in this process...
. Yes... I think it's a highly accurate answer... it's also true that I have to abandon a sin... but there are times when I feel so anxious that I can't find another way out... We do our best not to sin.. It is impossible while in this human flesh to be "sinless." God will help us with any temptation we face. We only have to ask Him

. Regarding the Bible, when I confront myself with the Word, doubts and the need to argue the facts with secular history almost immediately arise...Satan will fill your mind with doubt, division, argumentation because he does not want you close to God, your Creator.

.When I can verify the facts of the Bible or a particular fact that generates doubt with external sources, that's when I allow myself to believe....Our salvation, belief is ALL based upon Faith. Without faith it is impossible to please God. The FACTS are written in God's Word.

.I also sense that I'm in a kind of comfort zone that has me 'frozen' in this state, and I always go around in circles without being able to break it. .. One day at a time. One issue at a time.


At times, it seems that I prefer sin (short-term pleasure) to making an effort to seek God..... Satan shows us pictures of sin from his point of view. Remember he was an angel of light once.

Another question: There are times when I do feel joy... but I immediately begin to project or fantasize about fulfilling my life's dreams or buying material things...

.Our fleshly self seeks immediate pleasure vs God's patient outcomes. We are filled with two natures, human and spiritual. Like an old Indian proverb. Two wolves live inside of us. The stronger one is the one we feed the most. Human (fleshly desires) or spiritual.

Or would it be normal for me to focus on doing things so others can get to know God? From what you post, my suggestion would be to concentrate on asking God which way to proceed. We are each watched by others who may not know the Lord. That's a given. Only God can tell us which direction to go each day. God speaks to us in a whisper. He does not shout out loud.


Thank you. You're helping me a lot in this process...

The Lord Jesus Christ, the only begotten son of the Father loves you and is always there to help. God is love. Satan is evil spreading lies, deception, doubts, destruction and all why he is dressed up in lovely and beautiful garments as he deceives. I hope I have been able to assist you in such a way that you will never doubt the love of God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
 
Upvote 0

Merlin475

Active Member
Sep 25, 2023
63
21
Midwest
✟20,174.00
Country
United States
Gender
Male
Faith
Lutheran
Marital Status
Single
I believe I converted two years ago, after going through a very deep depression. I'm 25 years old and have always had a tendency toward depression throughout my life. But everything got worse when I began to doubt the existence of God.
I immersed myself in atheist websites and began to blindly or fanatically believe in their arguments, which led me to atheism. I don't think I was ever 100% atheist, but I was largely one.
This inclination toward atheism brought a deep and profound spiritual depression into my life. I even sank into a very dark, dead-end pit and began to sin excessively. I stopped sleeping at night and slept during the day. I felt demonic presences when I slept and in my dreams. I had nightmares. I was in this situation for a little over two months.
Until one night, I surrendered to God in prayer. I was tired of the nightmares and the whole traumatic situation. I asked God for forgiveness and told Him to do whatever He wanted with me.
That same night I didn't have any nightmares while I slept, and when I woke up, I woke up completely credulous, convinced that God had healed and saved me.
From that moment on, completely transformative changes began in my life. I overcame the social phobia I'd suffered from my entire life; the depressive symptoms diminished until they disappeared completely. I began to have a normal relationship with my biological father (we always didn't get along, and because of his personality, I was afraid of him). However, we began to develop a father-son relationship we'd never had before, perhaps nothing unusual, but something completely unknown to me.
I stopped using obscene language in my home.
I fell completely in love with God. I wanted to please Him in everything, and it pained me greatly to fail Him.
I started attending church and didn't want to miss a single day of the meetings.
Neighbors and friends were amazed by my dramatic change.
I began practicing some hobbies, which I had in my past life but didn't enjoy passionately because of my depression.
All of this went smoothly for about 5 months (September 2023), when I felt God almost audibly tell me that I had to give up one of my hobbies, internet radio.
It's true that I did it for most of the day, so it's likely (or very likely) that I had made an idol of that hobby, and that I was distancing myself from God.
Then I quit, and little by little I began to experience a growing emptiness in my heart. Not only that, but little by little I began to doubt the existence of God again. My joy began to wane; it was no longer constant, but rather ups and downs. My shyness gradually returned, my mood began to depend on the circumstances, and there were times when I lost control, meaning the symptoms of my old life seemed to reappear. However, I continued to attend church without any problems, but there were many ups and downs.
And so it remained until approximately November 2024.
My father began to act harshly and somewhat abusively again (I don't know if it was because he noticed my bad mood and I seemed more easily manipulated, like in my old life, or because he was feeling ill again).
We have been working together since March 2024.
The problem is that the abuse became so harassing and unbearable that I couldn't take it anymore. I was becoming psychologically ill, withdrawing socially once again. Until one day I came home and decided I no longer wanted to work with him (December 2024).
Shortly after this happened, I once again challenged the little faith I had by conducting an atheistic Google search on whether God existed.
And that caused a break in my faith, so that for approximately six months now, I have been doubting that what saved me two years ago was the power of God, of Jesus, of the God of the Bible. And this brings me to what the title indicates. The fact that I am currently doubting the Scriptures, the existence of that God, indicates whether I was truly converted two years ago or if I am simply like the dogs and pigs of 2 Peter 2:21-22.
Furthermore, in recent months, due to questions I have asked members of my congregation about this state of unbelief and doubt, I have become angry and held grudges regarding things I have disagreed with them on, and I have responded inappropriately, obeying carnal desires. And I don't know (I really don't know) if a true convert can make those mistakes and have those ugly feelings. To this day, with one of the brothers, I still have them.
And the truth is, I'm very sad. I feel lost because I don't know where I stand. When I was in better times and I sinned, I realized I was close to God because I immediately repented and felt His forgiveness. But now I don't know when I'm obeying the Spirit, and when I act by the flesh, it's like I can't discern it; I'm much further away...
I also don't know if what's happening to me is my fault (maybe in part) or if it's a process prepared by God to help me grow spiritually and mature... I really don't know.
I find it hard to repent of my sins. There's a certain resentment toward God that I struggle to uncover. Genuine repentance doesn't spring from me, as if I have nothing to hold on to.
I don't know... What do you think?
Thank you.
God bless you all greatly.
A questioning Christian is still a Christian
 
Upvote 0