But What If My Loved Ones Are in Hell?

Michie · Jun 25, 2025

Does complete happiness in heaven mean rejoicing in the punishment of the damned?

The Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) teaches that at the Last Judgment, “the truth of each man’s relationship with God will be laid bare” (1039). This means that the blessed in heaven will know which of their loved ones are in hell.

This seems to cause a problem. If heaven is a “state of supreme, definitive happiness” (1024), how can the souls in heaven be happy knowing their loved ones are in hell? It would seem that they couldn’t be happy, since, being animated by charity, they would pity the damned, and to pity the damned is to partake of their unhappiness in some way.

Is there a way to reconcile the happiness of the blessed in heaven and their knowledge of the sufferings of the damned? Yes, there is.

One way is to see that knowledge of the sufferings of the damned actually contributes to the happiness of the blessed. In response to the question of whether the saints see the suffering of the damned, St. Thomas Aquinas writes,

Nothing should be denied the blessed that belongs to the perfection of their beatitude. Now everything is known the more for being compared with its contrary, because when contraries are placed beside one another they become more conspicuous. Wherefore in order that the happiness of the saints may be more delightful to them and that they may render more copious thanks to God for it, they are allowed to see perfectly the sufferings of the damned (Summa Theologiae Suppl. 94:1).

Knowing the sufferings of those in hell doesn’t take away from the happiness of the blessed. Rather, this knowledge contributes to that happiness.

Continued below.

But What If My Loved Ones Are in Hell?

How, you might ask, could I possibly be happy in heaven if my children or my parents are damned? It is possible, though a little counterintuitive.

www.catholic.com

Chrystal-J · Jun 25, 2025

I had a nightmare after my mom died. She and I were in a house full of monsters and zombies. I escaped and hid behind a wall. I knew I was safe. But, I heard my mom say "It IS bad. You were right." Then I woke up. I just knew it pertained to some hell-like place. I'm praying for my parents that they're in purgatory, not hell. Although, my dad was a lukewarm Catholic and my mom was an atheist. I don't know what to think.

RileyG · Jun 25, 2025

Chrystal-J said:
I had a nightmare after my mom died. She and I were in a house full of monsters and zombies. I escaped and hid behind a wall. I knew I was safe. But, I heard my mom say "It IS bad. You were right." Then I woke up. I just knew it pertained to some hell-like place. I'm praying for my parents that they're in purgatory, not hell. Although, my dad was a lukewarm Catholic and my mom was an atheist. I don't know what to think.

Keep praying. No prayer is ever wasted.

fide · Jun 25, 2025

Michie said:
Does complete happiness in heaven mean rejoicing in the punishment of the damned?

The Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) teaches that at the Last Judgment, “the truth of each man’s relationship with God will be laid bare” (1039). This means that the blessed in heaven will know which of their loved ones are in hell.

This seems to cause a problem. If heaven is a “state of supreme, definitive happiness” (1024), how can the souls in heaven be happy knowing their loved ones are in hell? It would seem that they couldn’t be happy, since, being animated by charity, they would pity the damned, and to pity the damned is to partake of their unhappiness in some way.

Is there a way to reconcile the happiness of the blessed in heaven and their knowledge of the sufferings of the damned? Yes, there is.

One way is to see that knowledge of the sufferings of the damned actually contributes to the happiness of the blessed. In response to the question of whether the saints see the suffering of the damned, St. Thomas Aquinas writes,

Knowing the sufferings of those in hell doesn’t take away from the happiness of the blessed. Rather, this knowledge contributes to that happiness.

Continued below.

But What If My Loved Ones Are in Hell?

How, you might ask, could I possibly be happy in heaven if my children or my parents are damned? It is possible, though a little counterintuitive.

www.catholic.com

The writer's argument is certainly sound, and as solid as Thomas Aquinas. It almost makes me dizzy to try to follow the reasoning, however. I am satisfied by a simpler logic, that shown in a dialogue in John's Gospel:

You Are of Your Father the Devil
Jn 8:39 They answered him, "Abraham is our father." Jesus said to them, "If you were Abraham's children, you would do what Abraham did,
Jn 8:40 but now you seek to kill me, a man who has told you the truth which I heard from God; this is not what Abraham did.
Jn 8:41 You do what your father did." They said to him, "We were not born of fornication; we have one Father, even God."
Jn 8:42 Jesus said to them, "If God were your Father, you would love me, for I proceeded and came forth from God; I came not of my own accord, but he sent me.
Jn 8:43 Why do you not understand what I say? It is because you cannot bear to hear my word.
Jn 8:44 You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks according to his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies.
Jn 8:45 But, because I tell the truth, you do not believe me.
Jn 8:46 Which of you convicts me of sin? If I tell the truth, why do you not believe me?
Jn 8:47 He who is of God hears the words of God; the reason why you do not hear them is that you are not of God."

We seek what we hunger for; Judgment Day separates those who sought Truth, and Love, from those who sought Self above all.

mourningdove~ · Jun 26, 2025

fide said:
We seek what we hunger for; Judgment Day separates those who sought Truth, and Love, from those who sought Self above all.

This is powerful. Powerfully true.

So there is something I think about sometimes. Maybe the answer is as simple as I think, but maybe not. It's this matter of 'hungering' for Truth. I'd like to get your thoughts on it?

What do you think it is, that makes some 'hunger' ... more than others ... for Truth, and Love?

Is this hunger ... this motivating desire ... simply born out of need? Or do you think it is something more?

There is the verse that talks about it being easier for a camel to pass thru the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Do you think it's just that a life of comfort and ease keeps a man from hungering for more of Truth? Is that it?

I don't know who would want to 'volunteer' for a life loaded with struggles and difficulties ... lol ... but there is definitely much blessing to be found in such a life. It is when we are broken and find ourselves at the end of ourselves, that we have opportunity to know God and His resurrection power. But is that what it takes ... brokenness ... to create in us a hunger for Him?

Like I said, the answer may be that simple ... that the more broken we know that we are, the more we see our need for God ... but seems to me there may also be a very spiritual component to all of this? Some people, when broken, get angry and turn away from God. Others turn to Him. And some people seem to be able to tolerate very 'low bottoms', not 'getting it' that God is the answer. So on and on they go, living very painful lives of desperation. This all just makes me wonder if spiritual hunger is actually more a work of Grace ... a work of God ... then it is man simply seeing his need for God? (The longer I live, the more I tend to think it is.)

Your thoughts on spiritual hunger ... and where you see it as coming from?

Bob Crowley · Jun 27, 2025

In Luke, Christ told the parable of Dives and Lazarus, the rich man and the poor man. At one point Abraham stated "... that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us ..."

Luke 16:15-26 - But Abraham replied, ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. 26And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been set in place, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.

It's obvious why the inhabitants of Hell would want to cross over to Heaven (who wouldn't?), but why would the citizens of Heaven want to cross over to those in Hell?

It would not be because they want to partake in the torments of Hell. That would be absurd. So I can only assume they are moved by compassion for the sufferings of those in Hell, especially those they may have loved themselves.

How we reconcile this with perfect happiness in Heaven I don't know. That's in my too-hard basket.

mourningdove~ · Jun 27, 2025

Jesus gets so easily ignored, it seems.

When we get to heaven ... and are actually in the visible presence of Almighty God ... I'm not sure how much we will be thinking about the people in hell.

It is natural now, to say we will be thinking about them ... but personally, I think when we get to heaven ... and are in the presence of the Lord ... The One Who is All Beauty and Goodness and Awesomeness ... I believe we will be so overcome with gratitude and love for Him that I honestly doubt we will be thinking so much about those who do not love Him and, therefore, are in hell.

Here on earth, we can sometimes get to thinking that we're pretty 'good' Christians. But once in heaven ... and in His Awesome Holy Presence ... I think we will see the true gravity of our sins more clearly and so we will no longer be wondering why some persons are in hell. Rather, I think we will be amazed that we are not there also. Because apart from faith in the redemptive work of Jesus Christ on the cross, that is where we all deserve to be.

The Holiness of God ... the need for Divine Justice ... will become much clearer to us when in His Presence. And we will question less, His Ways.

... just my thoughts, but I do believe our love for God in heaven will far outweigh any love we have ever felt for any human being here on earth. Our lives in heaven will be consumed with Love for Him. And Divine Order will have been restored.

fide · Monday at 7:40 PM

mourningdove~ said:
Jesus gets so easily ignored, it seems.

When we get to heaven ... and are actually in the visible presence of Almighty God ... I'm not sure how much we will be thinking about the people in hell.

It is natural now, to say we will be thinking about them ... but personally, I think when we get to heaven ... and are in the presence of the Lord ... The One Who is All Beauty and Goodness and Awesomeness ... I believe we will be so overcome with gratitude and love for Him that I honestly doubt we will be thinking so much about those who do not love Him and, therefore, are in hell.

Here on earth, we can sometimes get to thinking that we're pretty 'good' Christians. But once in heaven ... and in His Awesome Holy Presence ... I think we will see the true gravity of our sins more clearly and so we will no longer be wondering why some persons are in hell. Rather, I think we will be amazed that we are not there also. Because apart from faith in the redemptive work of Jesus Christ on the cross, that is where we all deserve to be.

The Holiness of God ... the need for Divine Justice ... will become much clearer to us when in His Presence. And we will question less, His Ways.

... just my thoughts, but I do believe our love for God in heaven will far outweigh any love we have ever felt for any human being here on earth. Our lives in heaven will be consumed with Love for Him. And Divine Order will have been restored.

We have a blessed opportunity in the time we are given in this life, on this earth, to be radically transformed. There is great, supernatural power in the Word - the written Word, the living Word, the inspired Spirit-begotten words of the Holy Scripture! The parables of Jesus are so very rich, deep with meaning that most miss entirely! Yet to those who hunger for Truth, who seek beyond the surfaces, there God will speak to all who will to listen, and obey, and will discover - uncover - grace come alive. Heaven is very, very close.

RileyG · Monday at 9:55 PM

Do those in hell understand why they are there? Do they think it's fair and just?

Bob Crowley · Tuesday at 2:52 AM

At the risk of repeating myself ad infitum, I've often stated my father appeared in my bedroom the night he died. He materialised near the door, spent most of the time near the foot of the bed, and at the end gave one almighty scream. Then he just disappeared.

But at one point in the conversation he said, with some alarm, "I always was doomed! I didn't really have any choice!"

I was an atheist back then (1979) but I argued back saying "That can't be right!"

He responded "Oh, it's right, all right. You can see that from here!". I take it to mean from where he was standing, which I think was in front of the judgement seat. I presumed that from other factors eg. the look of awe on his face most of the time, and at other times he was trying to hide his face behind his hands (which wasn't much use as they were transparent - I could see through him if I wanted to, or focus on him like smoke from a fire).

A short time later he admitted "I was WILLING!" (to do the things that got him condemned and to keep doing them for at least my lifetime up to that point which was 24 years).

So I think when we front up to the Judgement seat, we'll be left in no doubt as to why we were sent to Hell if that's where we end up. And we will intrinsically understand it is right, for they will be able to "see that from here".

But I think what might make the damned upset is seeing others who may have lived equally sinful or worse lives being forgiven because they declared their faith in Christ.

"Why was I condemned, and not him?? He did the same things I did!"

I could see that being an eternal bone of contention.

Bob Crowley · Tuesday at 4:09 AM

But I think what might make the damned upset is seeing others who may have lived equally sinful or worse lives being forgiven because they declared their faith in Christ.

"Why was I condemned, and not him?? He did the same things I did!"

I could see that being an eternal bone of contention.

In defence of my last point above, I defer to John Newton, Anglican priest and writer of the hymn "Amazing Grace".

Some of Newton's pre-Christians sins are listed below, which is why he used the word "wretch" to describe himself in the song.

Google Search

Slave Trader:
Newton spent several years engaged in the brutal Atlantic slave trade, even captaining a slave ship. He participated in the capture, transport, and sale of enslaved Africans, a practice he later condemned as "iniquitous, cruel, and oppressive".

Rebellion and Immorality:
Before his conversion, Newton was known for his rebellious and dissolute behavior. He indulged in vices like drinking, swearing, and pursuing sexual immorality. He was described as defiant, prone to blasphemy, and capable of "anything".

Denial of Faith:
Newton also went through a period where he rejected his Christian faith, declaring himself an infidel.

Delayed Repentance:
Despite his conversion at sea during a storm, Newton continued to participate in the slave trade for several years afterward. He later acknowledged this as a deep source of remorse.

At one stage I had a brief biography of John Newton, but I seem to have lost it. I still remember though his description of a storm in which one of his ship mates was swept overboard. Newton related the look of terror on his doomed ship mate's face.

I wonder if some or most of his ship mates ended up in Hell? If so, how would they have felt about the fact they were lost and he was saved?

"He did the same things we did, and sometimes worse! Why is he saved and we're lost? What was so special about him?"

I could see that contention echoing down through all eternity.

fide · Tuesday at 3:17 PM

Jn 3 - the nighttime encounter of Nicodemus with Jesus, God Incarnate, is read by many but understood by few.

Jn 3:1 Now there was a man of the Pharisees, named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews.
Jn 3:2 This man came to Jesus by night and said to him, "Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher come from God; for no one can do these signs that you do, unless God is with him."
Jn 3:3 Jesus answered him, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born anew, he cannot see the kingdom of God."
Jn 3:4 Nicodemus said to him, "How can a man be born when he is old? Can he enter a second time into his mother's womb and be born?"
Jn 3:5 Jesus answered, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God.
Jn 3:6 That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.
Jn 3:7 Do not marvel that I said to you, 'You must be born anew.'
Jn 3:8 The wind blows where it wills, and you hear the sound of it, but you do not know whence it comes or whither it goes; so it is with every one who is born of the Spirit."
Jn 3:9 Nicodemus said to him, "How can this be?"
Jn 3:10 Jesus answered him, "Are you a teacher of Israel, and yet you do not understand this?

Nic is illustrating for us all, the truism at the foundation of this encounter: "What is born of the flesh is flesh, and what is born of the Spirit is spirit," Nic, limited to his natural vision, understanding, reasoning, beliefs, desires and expectations, cannot see the spiritual, supernatural man standing and speaking before him. Everything that is in Nic, and everything that can come forth from him, is natural. Between him and Jesus is an infinite chasm. Nic is dead to the one before him who lives eternally; he is blind to the light of the world; he is deaf to the words of salvation, the Word of Life.

And he is a teacher of Israel! I am sorry to say, my experience has shown me that many of today's "teachers" - in our case, of the Church, are no different. Many "teach" with words they do not and cannot understand. The result: a People of God many of whom are impoverished in the midst of true glorious spiritual treasures of the Kingdom. Many cannot see - cannot understand - never having been taught by one who understands, and sees. Many have heard only words, never having been touched by realities of the Spirit. Many remain blind, having been led by ordained but blind shepherds - blind and deaf shepherds leading the blind under them who may have been trained, but never "born of the spirit," never initiated into the supernatural glory of the supernatural Kingdom into which we are called.

We may not have many years; only God knows the time remaining to any of us. Let those having ears hear, and eyes, see, and who hungers for truth, ask and seek and knock and pray for life-giving grace so as to live in and through that grace! "Grace is a participation in the life of God" (CCC 1997) Jesus came to call His own into Him! So many are so busy about things of this world, and so presumptuous about the things that matter - things of God, of Truth, of the Church, of eternal Love. May God awaken us, now.

But What If My Loved Ones Are in Hell?

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Does complete happiness in heaven mean rejoicing in the punishment of the damned?

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