Are ‘little white lies’ okay to tell?

Lady Bug · Tuesday at 1:24 PM

NanD said:
Which would be the greater sin - tell the truth knowing it will hurt them, or lie to spare them that hurt ?

You can't necessarily stop someone from feeling hurt.

Lady Bug · Tuesday at 1:31 PM

FaithT said:
I recently told a white lie. I want to switch hair salons and return to my former one. My stylist abruptly quit there so I followed her to the new place. I was concerned the former salon might be closing due to not having as many clients as the new place so I called them and lied and said that I “heard a rumor” that they were closing (they arent).
My current stylist will probably ask me why I stopped seeing her and the answer is twofold: the former salon is closer to my house so it’s so I can drive myself there without depending on my husband to drive me due to my anxiety. And secondly, the new salon is small, often crowded and I don’t feel comfortable in there. Kind of claustrophobic. So if I’m questioned about it I’m just going to tell her I had to go to a salon closer to my house due to my anxiety, without telling her where I went. She’ll probably know where because she knows I live right by her old salon. If she asks me I don’t know what to say other than I don’t want to say where I’m going.
We don’t see each other socially and are only Facebook friends so I thought about deleting her from my friends list but when she realizes I did that, it might hurt her feelings so I’m not really sure what I’m going to do.

From what I gather, you could have simply told the current stylist the first part of the twofold answer, and would have been just fine - telling her that you love her work but that due to health reasons, it is becoming difficult to drive anywhere beyond a certain distance. I don't feel that she would have been hurt at all. If she was, know that you didn't mean to hurt her. I don't see what was wrong with not saying anything else beyond the first part of the twofold answer. That's me though.

This reminds me so much of what I said the other day about not wanting to driver farther to church than I have to, but not knowing people at my nearest church, and having that dilemma.

FaithT · Tuesday at 1:35 PM

Lady Bug said:
From what I gather, you could have simply told the current stylist the first part of the twofold answer, and would have been just fine - telling her that you love her work but that due to health reasons, it is becoming difficult to drive anywhere beyond a certain distance. I don't feel that she would have been hurt at all. If she was, know that you didn't mean to hurt her. I don't see what was wrong with not saying anything else beyond the first part of the twofold answer. That's me though.

I agree, but… (there’s always a but, isn’t there?) then how would I have been able to find out if the salon I’m going back to is closing or not?

Lady Bug · Tuesday at 1:38 PM

FaithT said:
I agree, but… (there’s always a but, isn’t there?) then how would I have been able to find out if the salon I’m going back to is closing or not?

You could have called the salon? Or am I missing something, lol?

FaithT · Tuesday at 1:45 PM

Lady Bug said:
You could have called the salon? Or am I missing something, lol?

I did call. That’s how I found out they aren’t closing. I called and said that I heard a rumor that they were closing and asked if it was true. I didn’t hear a rumor, I just was worried about settling back in there if they were going to close. I don’t see many cars there and when I used to go there the place wasn’t nearly as busy as the salon I’ve been going to now. So before I started to settle back in there, I wanted to make sure they weren’t in danger of closing.

Lady Bug · Tuesday at 1:55 PM

FaithT said:
I did call. That’s how I found out they aren’t closing. I called and said that I heard a rumor that they were closing and asked if it was true. I didn’t hear a rumor, I just was worried about settling back in there if they were going to close. I don’t see many cars there and when I used to go there the place wasn’t nearly as busy as the salon I’ve been going to now. So before I started to settle back in there, I wanted to make sure they weren’t in danger of closing.

Oh ok. Yeah I realized I miss the part where you said you called. As I said, I do think that the first part of the twofold answer you had up there was pretty good, good enough too.

FaithT · Tuesday at 1:59 PM

Lady Bug said:
Oh ok. Yeah I realized I miss the part where you said you called. As I said, I do think that the first part of the twofold answer you had up there was pretty good, good enough too.

I emailed my priest and asked him if I need to go to confession for this and he said I could, or I could make the sign of the cross with holy water and be sincerely sorry for lying, or participate in the penetential rite at the beginning of Mass, so we’re all good.

FaithT · Tuesday at 2:02 PM

FaithT said:
I emailed my priest and asked him if I need to go to confession for this and he said I could, or I could make the sign of the cross with holy water and be sincerely sorry for lying, or participate in the penetential rite at the beginning of Mass, so we’re all good.

Now here’s where people are probably going to tell me that my pastor/priest is wrong.

Michie · Tuesday at 2:37 PM

FaithT said:
Now here’s where people are probably going to tell me that my pastor/priest is wrong.

I don’t think he’s wrong. For what it worth.

JimR-OCDS · Tuesday at 3:21 PM

FaithT said:
I liken this to the question “Does this dress make my butt look big?“ if you say no and it does, it’s a lie. If you say yes it’s insulting. If you try to be tactful and say mething like “it’s a very nice dress” the other person isn’t stupid and knows you’re being evasive. So in THAT scenario, what are you supposed to say? If you’re completely honest, you’d hurt her feelings.

And yes, I lied because I didn’t know how else to ask the question without being insuling other than to handle it the way I did.

Again, it has to do with your intent. Telling the person that the dress doesn't make
her butt look big even though it does, isn't a mortal sin unless you have the intention
of having her look bad to satisfy your own ego.

Lady Bug · Tuesday at 4:01 PM

JimR-OCDS said:
Again, it has to do with your intent. Telling the person that the dress doesn't make
her butt look big even though it does, isn't a mortal sin unless you have the intention
of having her look bad to satisfy your own ego.

I don't see that much wrong in saying the butt looks big in an outfit (if they ask you), if you're trying to help someone look better.

JimR-OCDS · Tuesday at 4:47 PM

Lady Bug said:
I don't see that much wrong in saying the butt looks big in an outfit (if they ask you), if you're trying to help someone look better.

Intention, but I also should've stated, your gender matters too.

I remember a man asking a woman at work when she was due?
Turns out she was just fat. In today's world he would've been fired.

Lady Bug · Tuesday at 5:26 PM

JimR-OCDS said:
Intention, but I also should've stated, your gender matters too.

I remember a man asking a woman at work when she was due?
Turns out she was just fat. In today's world he would've been fired.

Yeah, I think it's in really bad taste to ask that question if the fat person didn't reveal first that she was pregnant.

FaithT · Tuesday at 6:36 PM

Lady Bug said:
I don't see that much wrong in saying the butt looks big in an outfit (if they ask you), if you're trying to help someone look better.

Depends on who is asking. If it’s a good friend or family member I’d just likely say “weeeeeellllll, honestly????” Then if they REALLY want the truth I’d probably give them the truth.

FaithT · Tuesday at 6:38 PM

Lady Bug said:
Yeah, I think it's in really bad taste to ask that question if the fat person didn't reveal first that she was pregnant.

Yes…..men, NEVER ask a woman that question unless she’s already said that she’s pregnant.

Michie · Tuesday at 6:48 PM

FaithT said:
Depends on who is asking. If it’s a good friend or family member I’d just likely say “weeeeeellllll, honestly????” Then if they REALLY want the truth I’d probably give them the truth.

I usually say something like (I would not wear it) etc. I really hate being put on the spot like that.

FaithT · Tuesday at 7:54 PM

Michie said:
I usually say something like (I would not wear it) etc. I really hate being put on the spot like that.

I do too but I can’t even remember the last time it happened.

Michie · Tuesday at 8:27 PM

FaithT said:
I do too but I can’t even remember the last time it happened.

Lucky you!

There are certain types people that ask that stuff all the time. Drives me bonkers.

RileyG · Tuesday at 11:16 PM

Hoping2 said:
They will thank you later, for the truth.
The devil is the father of lies, and Christians don't follow other fathers.

Amen!

RileyG · Tuesday at 11:17 PM

FaithT said:
I emailed my priest and asked him if I need to go to confession for this and he said I could, or I could make the sign of the cross with holy water and be sincerely sorry for lying, or participate in the penetential rite at the beginning of Mass, so we’re all good.

Also, an Our Father, receiving the Eucharist, an act of contrition, and various others, remit sin

Are ‘little white lies’ okay to tell?

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