Are ‘little white lies’ okay to tell?

Michie said:

Q: Is it always wrong in every case to lie? What about the so-called “little white lie?”‘ I’m thinking of situations where you tell a person something you know is false to spare their feelings, when they’re likely never going to know the truth anyway.

A: Our Catholic faith teaches us that lying is an offense against the eighth commandment and is in principle always wrong. As the Catechism of the Catholic Church states: “By its very nature, lying is to be condemned. It is a profanation of speech, whereas the purpose of speech is to communicate known truth to others. The deliberate intention of leading a neighbor into error by saying things contrary to the truth constitutes a failure in justice and charity” (CCC 2485).

Speaking and acting against the truth​

However, as your question suggests, there are some nuances to consider. For one thing, a lie might be mortally or venially sinful depending on the objective importance of the truth being obscured and on the seriousness of the potential harms that might come about because of the lie. A quick fib about eating the last piece of cake is obviously not on the same level as a lie in a business transaction that causes a family to lose their entire savings.

It also might be useful to consider what a lie technically is. As the catechism, referencing St. Augustine, puts it: “A lie consists in speaking a falsehood with the intention of deceiving” (CCC 2482). This means that not every untrue statement is a lie. To give some examples, acting and some jokes involve saying things that aren’t true, but untruths uttered by an actor in a play or as part of the set-up for a clear punchline aren’t intended to deceive and typically aren’t misleading in actual fact. Likewise, inaccurate statements that come about from an honest mistake also are not lies, because there was no intention in such statements to distort the truth

Continued below.

Are 'little white lies' okay to tell?

Is it ever okay to lie to spare someone's feelings? Explore the moral nuances of white lies, truth and tact in everyday situations.

www.oursundayvisitor.com

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NanD said:

I agree we are not supposed to lie, but neither are we supposed to hurt others with our words.
So what happens if someone asks you something and telling the truth would hurt them, no matter how
kindly you tried to phrase it ?
Which would be the greater sin - tell the truth knowing it will hurt them, or lie to spare them that hurt ?

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Are ‘little white lies’ okay to tell?​

JimR-OCDS said:

The lie you tell today will force you to lie tomorrow.

FYI, a lie is when the falsehood is told out of malice to serve one's own ego.

Telling the Gestapo police that there are no Jews in the house, despite the one's you're
hiding, is keeping a truth which he has no right to. It's not a lie in a sinful sense.

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FaithT said:

So how could I have found out if the salon wasn’t closing without asking them and insulting them?

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JimR-OCDS said:

You could've just been honest that you were going to stay with the hairstylist that you been seeing.

Salon owners are used to clients leaving all the time, they would not have been insulted.

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FaithT said:

But I’m not staying with the stylist I’d been seeing. I’m leaving and going back to the salon she used to work at and left on bad terms with.

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Michie said:

Q: Is it always wrong in every case to lie? What about the so-called “little white lie?”‘ I’m thinking of situations where you tell a person something you know is false to spare their feelings, when they’re likely never going to know the truth anyway.

A: Our Catholic faith teaches us that lying is an offense against the eighth commandment and is in principle always wrong. As the Catechism of the Catholic Church states: “By its very nature, lying is to be condemned. It is a profanation of speech, whereas the purpose of speech is to communicate known truth to others. The deliberate intention of leading a neighbor into error by saying things contrary to the truth constitutes a failure in justice and charity” (CCC 2485).

Speaking and acting against the truth​

However, as your question suggests, there are some nuances to consider. For one thing, a lie might be mortally or venially sinful depending on the objective importance of the truth being obscured and on the seriousness of the potential harms that might come about because of the lie. A quick fib about eating the last piece of cake is obviously not on the same level as a lie in a business transaction that causes a family to lose their entire savings.

It also might be useful to consider what a lie technically is. As the catechism, referencing St. Augustine, puts it: “A lie consists in speaking a falsehood with the intention of deceiving” (CCC 2482). This means that not every untrue statement is a lie. To give some examples, acting and some jokes involve saying things that aren’t true, but untruths uttered by an actor in a play or as part of the set-up for a clear punchline aren’t intended to deceive and typically aren’t misleading in actual fact. Likewise, inaccurate statements that come about from an honest mistake also are not lies, because there was no intention in such statements to distort the truth

Continued below.

Are 'little white lies' okay to tell?

Is it ever okay to lie to spare someone's feelings? Explore the moral nuances of white lies, truth and tact in everyday situations.

www.oursundayvisitor.com

Click to expand...

FaithT said:

I recently told a white lie. I want to switch hair salons and return to my former one. My stylist abruptly quit there so I followed her to the new place. I was concerned the former salon might be closing due to not having as many clients as the new place so I called them and lied and said that I “heard a rumor” that they were closing (they arent).
My current stylist will probably ask me why I stopped seeing her and the answer is twofold: the former salon is closer to my house so it’s so I can drive myself there without depending on my husband to drive me due to my anxiety. And secondly, the new salon is small, often crowded and I don’t feel comfortable in there. Kind of claustrophobic. So if I’m questioned about it I’m just going to tell her I had to go to a salon closer to my house due to my anxiety, without telling her where I went. She’ll probably know where because she knows I live right by her old salon. If she asks me I don’t know what to say other than I don’t want to say where I’m going.
We don’t see each other socially and are only Facebook friends so I thought about deleting her from my friends list but when she realizes I did that, it might hurt her feelings so I’m not really sure what I’m going to do.

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FaithT said:

But I’m not staying with the stylist I’d been seeing. I’m leaving and going back to the salon she used to work at and left on bad terms with.

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JimR-OCDS said:

Whatever!

Only you can decide what the reason was for telling an untruth? Was it really to avoid insulting them, or
was it so that your ego wanted to be liked still?

Again, only you can know the reasons behind telling the untruth.

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Lady Bug said:

This is a hard one. While in isolation it may seem that a little white lie is inconsequential, it can build up. For example, my brother is thinking that it's just fine to lie and pretend he's Muslim in front of the relatives that he's getting closer to, and that may end up biting him really hard in the butt so bad that it would make a mosquito jealous.

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FaithT said:

He’s not Muslim either?

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