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Love problems (marriage, church,dating)ect.

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Reluctant Theologian

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Tor0 said:
Any advice I can get will help me with my walk with God thank you.

So this is how it starts. I have a best friend who I've known since childhood and I came to christ first after that a series of life events happened that prevented us from communicating (so im more rooted in my faith than he is) . I've been praying for him since and now we've finally reconnected and are hitting it off really nice. We just click. We always have. He's told me he's going to church now (as often as he can but sometimes he can't from work or other things ect..) He's not really talkative about his faith in God but I was reading my Bible and he said "yeah I need to go and buy a bible" so I guess it's genuine.

Not that I doubt him I'm just cautious ngl. I guess he's mentioning God a little bit more since we've been talking. We both love each other and honestly I would like for him to be my husband some day. I don't want to be alone but he's the only one I trust and he knows why. Because I had been through some traumatic things with men when I was younger and we had met before this happened so it really deepened my trust in him. We've talked about marriage and I honestly don't know what to do. Yes we're both of age. And yes we're both older than 18. In this season of my life I'm just kinda.. stuck?


It also doesn't help that I've never been in a relationship. It doesn't help that he says he knows other women weren't for him. I don't know what to do I just feel confused and could use Godly wisdom. He's in a season of healing and so am I. So of course not right now, we both need work on ourselves. But for the future, yeah advice would be nice if God puts anything on your heart, please share. About moving in, dating, marriage, ect. Anything would help. Thank you.
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A few things come to mind:
  • both keep working on yourself, but admit you'll always be work in progress and that having past bagage/trauma indeed tend to make things harder
  • are you currently in a 'relationship' other that friendship with one another? I didn't get that explicitly from your message. You're sure you're not just in his friend-zone? Avoid chasing a dream that may be illusionary.
  • prepare yourself as a woman and potential wife by reading useful stuff - dated, but useful: Let me be a Woman (Elliot), Passion and Purity (Elliot)
  • let him do the same if you're truly on the same page with similar stuff: Mark of a Man
  • make sure you don't end up with one another because there seems to be no other option as left-overs .. and of course ask God for direction; but think wider unless you've somehow committed already?
  • draw up a list of goals/values/needs individually and see if that matches sufficiently
You're both advancing in years - don't wait too long.

Be blessed !
 
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Tor0

Tor0

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Reluctant Theologian said:
A few things come to mind:
  • both keep working on yourself, but admit you'll always be work in progress and that having past bagage/trauma indeed tend to make things harder
  • are you currently in a 'relationship' other that friendship with one another? I didn't get that explicitly from your message. You're sure you're not just in his friend-zone? Avoid chasing a dream that may be illusionary.
  • prepare yourself as a woman and potential wife by reading useful stuff - dated, but useful: Let me be a Woman (Elliot), Passion and Purity (Elliot)
  • let him do the same if you're truly on the same page with similar stuff: Mark of a Man
  • make sure you don't end up with one another because there seems to be no other option as left-overs .. and of course ask God for direction; but think wider unless you've somehow committed already?
  • draw up a list of goals/values/needs individually and see if that matches sufficiently
You're both advancing in years - don't wait too long.

Be blessed !
Click to expand...
I have committed already. For the years we were apart I couldn't shake it. I just can't be with someone else. I've tried in my mind to think about it, truly. but I just can't.. and maybe that's okay? Maybe not? I'm not too sure.
 
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Reluctant Theologian

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Tor0 said:
I have committed already. For the years we were apart I couldn't shake it. I just can't be with someone else. I've tried in my mind to think about it, truly. but I just can't.. and maybe that's okay? Maybe not? I'm not too sure.
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That's OK .. if he truly stands out for you given the rest, and you're both sufficiently compatible in all relevant aspects ... what exactly have you committed to already? Are you already engaged/promised to marry in a certain time-frame? in an exclusive relationship? What kind commitment has he made?
 
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com7fy8

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Tor0 said:
It doesn't help that he says he knows other women weren't for him.
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I am curious why this "doesn't help". But you are welcome not to explain this.

My experience is that certain women can be very upset to hear about my past women. But others can be ready to share with me about past women, and minister understanding to me.

Each person is different; so I shouldn't assume about you.

I personally understand that it can be good that I give attention to whatsoever my lady friend is talking about and doing. Or else . . . she might disappear into some gossip group or to some other guy who will give her a listening ear. And - - as much as I know about her, I can use for caring for her, possibly, if she is sick or disabled, and simply to keep her company, and so I can give her medical care providers reliable feedback about how she is doing.

If it has to do with her, be interested > Jesus knows every thing and He is interested in you in everything, right? This is included in how Jesus loves us.

So, I want to know about her past men, so I can have insight into how she has developed and how I can help her to grow in Jesus and in the real world. But welcome her to share with various people, since Jesus wants us to love everyone. And help her to love them, practically.

But yes I see how I have not shown maybe so much interest in her female friends of the past. So, may be I need to pray about this.

I would say you two need to spend time together with mature Christian couples and single older people who can share their experience and example with you.
 
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It might not be a bad idea to get some more "eyes" on the situation that you can trust. Would you trust your parents assessment? How would he feel about spending time with your family so that they might be able to offer a more objective assessment for you? It can be difficult today in that people can mean very different things when they call themselves "Christian". If you are conservative and traditional, you might not feel comfortable with someone liberal and modern.
 
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