New and confused

• Don't define yourself as 'gay' - but as a believer who has a struggle in that area. That attraction may never leave you, or it may disappear, but in both cases that's not your ultimate identity. Some believers experience change, many others don't.
• Resist the temptation to simply move to a church that accommodates your urges - that's wishful theology; taking that route requires a major change in how your read the Bible (as many, many parts simply become culture/time-dependent and thus not applicable now). You may end up with the statement 'God loves us, and we should all love one another'. The Bible itself, the Law of Moses, Paul, etc. lose moral relevance and authority in that option. I would not recommend that - simply because I think it's not true.
• Most people cherish our upbringing - you may love the Roman Catholic Church for that; some others (mostly artistic types) simply adore the aesthetics/art/architecture/liturgy of more formal traditional churches. You find many things in the RC church too burdening, what are those things mainly tradition/rituals/formalities or the core teaching of the RC? If you give examples we may weigh in on those. Have you tried other denominations (e.g. Orthodox churches, Baptist, Pentecostal, etc.) ? It's very enriching to have friends from different denominations.
• Your identity as believer should be in God and His Son Jesus/Yeshua - not in the comfort or safety of your local church
• I'm not trying to 'cure' you, but do/think/focus on what reinforces your God-given masculinity - God knows your past and struggles, just focus on doing/entering into that pattern that God might bless.

dakotariver said:

@Reluctant Theologian Thank you for responding back to me.

To answer your question about what I find burdensome in the Catholic Church, it mostly comes down to the venial/mortal system of sin, along with mandatory confession to forgive mortal sin. The rules around confession are also burdensome to me. We have to admit to every sin that we can remember since our last confession, but we have to be honest in confessing that sin. We can't go around the sin or try to make the sin sound better than it is. It's very legalistic, and I sometimes wonder if I've confessed my sins correctly for the confession to be valid. There's also so many things are sins, aside from the 10 commandments, and those are found in the Catechism of the Catholic Church. I really struggle with worry that I sin every day without noticing which makes me hypervigilant and then I run myself ragged with worry. All of this boils down to me wanting to be good for God.

Regarding my sexuality, I know that my sexual feelings do not define every part of me, just as they don't only define a straight person. I know there is more depth and substance to my personality and my being, but I feel wrong for having the feelings simply because they're homosexual in nature. In my mind it goes "Me = homosexual = bad". So, if I'm so "bad" and can never be redeemed because I will never not be homosexual, why even try to follow God?

Lastly, to speak to your point about my God-given masculinity. I know that God made me a man, and I know being a man there are certain things that I can do that women cannot, but I have never been "masculine" in the general/typical term of it. I still do things that are befitting of a man that show respect towards women and to my fellow man, but I have never been the macho, sports watching, hang with the guy's type of man, and I'll never be that way. I spent a long time trying to be that person and it's not who I am. As a man, I am caring, hardworking, kind, and I try to be respectful and courteous to others as often as I can. I go out of my way to make things easier for others, when I can, and I try not cause division. I'm learning to take a more in-charge role and be more assertive, but I shy away from the term "masculine" because I cannot fit the mold our society portrays of it.

Click to expand...

dakotariver said:

Hello,

I'm a single guy in my 30's who's returned to the Roman Catholic Church after being away for many years. I've attended mass a few times, I've gone to confession twice, and I've taken the Eucharist once. I've also been trying to study the Bible, too. However, I've already become exhausted. There are so many rules and regulations within Catholicism, and while I appreciate the conciseness of it, along with the tradition and many holidays and celebrations it has, plus the absolute reverence and serious and plain take it has on the Eucharist, I feel so bogged down by the dogma, specifically mandatory confession for the removal of mortal sins. I think I may suffer from scrupulosity, so I feel like I always have to be "good enough" or "perfect" to follow God. I try to catch myself before I sin, or I see sin everywhere when there is none. I've been watching Youtube videos on this topic from priests and lay people, and that's helped, but there's always something in the back of my mind that tells me to be perfect or otherwise I should just give up.

I'm also gay, and I know what the Bible says and what the Catholic Church teaches about homosexuality. I'm not here to debate that, but it does contribute to exhausting me out because I constantly feel like I'm not good enough to be in a relationship with God because of it. It's like I have this stain on me that blocks me from having a relationship with God. For context, I have not had any sexual relations with men (or women for that matter) for at least a year, if not more. There's just this voice inside of my head that says it's not even worth trying to follow God if I have this one thing that's in the way. I know I can't change my sexual feelings and desires, and part of me is coming around to the idea that having sex with men may not be natural and against God's order, or at the very least there is no value in it (I know the bible says it IS sinful and unnatural, but I haven't within myself aligned with this yet), and I think that if I truly didn't care about what God wants from me, I would still be living in sin and giving myself to men, but I don't know what to do with all of that if I will always be gay (meaning I will always feel attracted to men and not women).

All of that is to say, do I leave Catholicism to join a Protestant denomination that does not hold to venial/mortal sins, and one that does not interpret the Bible as condemning same sex relationships? I love Catholicism because it's where I grew up. I went to Catholic school, I was an altar server, and there is so much beauty and truth in it, but I'm just so confused. This is why I decided to join the forum. I need to speak with others about this and listen to their opinions. I also want to form sincere friendships with other Catholics and Christians that are not a part of the progressive movement going on in Christianity because there is so much of it that I don't agree with.

Thank you for reading this.

Click to expand...

dakotariver said:

Thank you for explaining what you meant by Biblical masculinity. I have a better understanding about what you were trying to convey in your last message.

After thinking about my original post, I guess there's a lot of "feel good" things I like about Catholicism, like how the Mass is a part of my childhood, or how I feel comforted when looking at a large crucifix on the altar, or bowing to the tabernacle that holds the Eucharist, also praying the rosary, and the veneration of Mary and asking for intercession from the saints. The music is also wonderful and ties me back to my childhood. All of these things don't fill me enough because I never feel truly fulfilled in the Catholic Church. I've been looking into Anglican and Lutheran churches in my area, and I want to attend their services, but every time I think about doing that, I feel like I'm "cheating" on the Catholic church somehow. I love Jesus with all of my heart, and I know I would have nothing without him. I want to find a church that takes the message of the Gospel seriously and fears and has respect for the Lord. I don't want to be a part of a watered-down church/congregation that allows things that aren't biblical. Attending a non-Catholic service is the only way I'm going to find that. I need to trust in God that he will lead me to a congregation that is centered on Christ and not the world.

Click to expand...

dakotariver said:

Thanks. I'm mulling over if I should go towards non-Catholic churches that have High Church, like Episcopalian or Lutheran, or if I should go to a bible based non-denominational church. Transubstantiation and the Eucharist are really important to me, and while Catholic confession really drives me insane, I have this worry if I don't do it, I'll be damned.

I've been watching a lot of Youtube videos from Protestant pastors and lay people about confession, the Mass, and Holy Communion so I can get a better understanding of what those things may or may not mean outside of a Catholic perspective. I just get so bogged down with worry on if I'm "doing the right thing". Like you said, I need to pray to God about this and allow him to guide me on the path he knows is correct.

Click to expand...