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Married to an imaginary friend

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LushiaKyobi

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This might sound crazy, but bear with me...
I am a 21 year old with Asperger's Syndrome, and I am married to an imaginary friend/original character from a book I'm writing. His name is Seamus, and I've known him/developed his character for over 6 years. I try not to tell anyone about this because they might think I'm crazy.

My reasons for marrying him are:
1. I genuinely admire his personality since it compliments mine. He has traits that I lack/need, so in that sense, he completes me.
2. I enjoy spending time with him. I cherish my alone time, and Seamus is the only one I can be my true self around while still enjoying solitude.
3. I have the tendency to flirt and get attached to guys. If I remind myself that I'm "married", I am much less likely to get too close and get myself hurt in the end.
4. I have sexual problems. I've always struggled with masturbation... and yet at the same time, with real people I freak out if anyone touches me (from my AS along with bad experiences).
5. Real marriage is out of the question for me. I can't stand living with anyone else, no matter how much I like them. And as I said in #4, touching/sex is off limits, and I really don't want to deprive anyone of that.

I'm trying to figure out:
1. If this "marriage" can be psychologically healthy in my case
2. If "sex" with an imaginary spouse (aka masturbation, use of sex toys) is a sin (I'm a Christian, so it's a rather complicated topic)
3. How I can manage to stay in reality
4. How to maintain a healthy relationship with God without feeling guilty or uncertain
 
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LushiaKyobi said:
This might sound crazy, but bear with me...
I am a 21 year old with Asperger's Syndrome, and I am married to an imaginary friend/original character from a book I'm writing. His name is Seamus, and I've known him/developed his character for over 6 years. I try not to tell anyone about this because they might think I'm crazy.

My reasons for marrying him are:
1. I genuinely admire his personality since it compliments mine. He has traits that I lack/need, so in that sense, he completes me.
2. I enjoy spending time with him. I cherish my alone time, and Seamus is the only one I can be my true self around while still enjoying solitude.
3. I have the tendency to flirt and get attached to guys. If I remind myself that I'm "married", I am much less likely to get too close and get myself hurt in the end.
4. I have sexual problems. I've always struggled with masturbation... and yet at the same time, with real people I freak out if anyone touches me (from my AS along with bad experiences).
5. Real marriage is out of the question for me. I can't stand living with anyone else, no matter how much I like them. And as I said in #4, touching/sex is off limits, and I really don't want to deprive anyone of that.

I'm trying to figure out:
1. If this "marriage" can be psychologically healthy in my case
2. If "sex" with an imaginary spouse (aka masturbation, use of sex toys) is a sin (I'm a Christian, so it's a rather complicated topic)
3. How I can manage to stay in reality
4. How to maintain a healthy relationship with God without feeling guilty or uncertain
Click to expand...

We are the bride of Christ. He is our husband and the relationship you need to develop is with Christ. Seamus has manifested because your relationship with Christ is underdeveloped. Is is psychologically unhealthy to have a fantasy relationship with a person that isn't real? Yes, because it is taking the place of your relationship with Jesus. He is the one you should be cherishing to spend your alone time with, and He is the one, the only one, who can complete you. You can be your true self around Him because He knows you better than you know yourself. He has been there your entire life and He understands you. He created you and He knows your pain. Essentially, if you could take everything positive about Seamus, you will find that he is simply a poor substitute for Jesus. There are also negatives that come with Seamus such as an extreme detachment from reality, and the sexual behavior you have described. Spiritually it is unhealthy because it opens you up to deception from the enemy.

The intimacy that you desire is with Jesus, and I don't mean sexually, but on the level of being one with Him in spirit. That is the highest form of intimacy there is for which again, Seamus is a poor substitute. I think you need to stop doing this ASAP. Really start praying to God that you could develop your relationship with Jesus to fulfill you and to help you overcome your attachment to Seamus. God bless.
 
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paul1149

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God wants to bring you to a place of full personality integration and of healing, so you can take your place in the world to establish the kingdom of God. Many times things seem to start out benignly, but end up harmful. This friend could turn on you, and then what? He's already deeply embedded in your head. You've opened that door. With a real person there's a give and take, and you're free to reject what they say, or even them if the relationship turns sour. But someone you always carry around with you? That's a recipe for disaster.

You already have a Friend that sticks closer than a brother, the Lord Jesus, in the person of the Holy Spirit. He's the true companion who will always be with you and never let you down. He is grace and truth personified, He never changes, and there is not even a shadow of darkness in Him. This other thing has immense potential to be a channel for a destructive familiar spirit.
 
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parsley

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Most writers draw out traits they admire in people, and make their characters more ideal or extreme than normal humans. What you wrote is an expression of you -- and that is the way in most of the arts. Some of that is healthy.

The additional declaration that you have decided this is a marriage, is where most people will squirm. It is a place you have deemed safe. But you are locking yourself into something you don't need to be locked into. And I would guess that your mind will begin to play some strange games where that is concerned.

Not wanting to be touched or tied to another person, that is your choice. It's good that you see it and stand behind what you want in life. But I don't think you need a replacement -- just state your case, tell people not to touch you, and don't worry about what they think.

Remember that nothing stands still. If you are pushing the limits of this character, then it will begin to come out in your writing. Think about the movie and book series where the first episode was great, then the following ones got darker and darker, to the point that they drew an entirely different fan base.

Stay in control of your characters and your life.
 
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Diamond72

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LushiaKyobi said:
If this "marriage" can be psychologically healthy in my case
Click to expand...
You still have to deal with the issues that cause you to want to be married to your imaginary friend.

While an imaginary friend can provide temporary comfort and support, it's important to address the underlying issues that lead to the need for this form of escape or companionship. Avoiding or hiding from problems can prevent personal growth and lead to more significant challenges in the long run.

You already indicated that you do not want to address the issues but there maybe something here that you would be willing to do. As others are saying this reminds me of the catholic nuns that say they are married to Jesus.

Steps to Address Underlying Issues:​

  • Acknowledgment: Recognizing and acknowledging the issues is the first step towards addressing them.
  • Seeking Support: Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional can provide valuable insights and help in managing these issues.
  • Building Real Connections: Developing real-life friendships and social connections can provide a more sustainable source of support and companionship.
  • Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Learning and practicing healthy coping strategies, such as mindfulness, exercise, and creative activities, can help manage stress and anxiety.
  • Professional Help: In cases where the underlying issues are complex or deeply rooted, professional therapy or counseling can be beneficial in navigating and resolving these challenges.
Addressing the root causes not only helps in overcoming the reliance on an imaginary friend but also promotes overall well-being and personal development.
 
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Diamond72

Diamond72

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parsley said:
Not wanting to be touched or tied to another person, that is your choice.
Click to expand...
Paul and Jesus both say it is better to remain single but not all are called to that.
 
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mbuffyinfw

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Diamond72 said:
You still have to deal with the issues that cause you to want to be married to your imaginary friend.

While an imaginary friend can provide temporary comfort and support, it's important to address the underlying issues that lead to the need for this form of escape or companionship. Avoiding or hiding from problems can prevent personal growth and lead to more significant challenges in the long run.

You already indicated that you do not want to address the issues but there maybe something here that you would be willing to do. As others are saying this reminds me of the catholic nuns that say they are married to Jesus.

Steps to Address Underlying Issues:​

  • Acknowledgment: Recognizing and acknowledging the issues is the first step towards addressing them.
  • Seeking Support: Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional can provide valuable insights and help in managing these issues.
  • Building Real Connections: Developing real-life friendships and social connections can provide a more sustainable source of support and companionship.
  • Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Learning and practicing healthy coping strategies, such as mindfulness, exercise, and creative activities, can help manage stress and anxiety.
  • Professional Help: In cases where the underlying issues are complex or deeply rooted, professional therapy or counseling can be beneficial in navigating and resolving these challenges.
Addressing the root causes not only helps in overcoming the reliance on an imaginary friend but also promotes overall well-being and
Click to expand...
 
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mbuffyinfw

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I think your advice is too easy to say. For people like me, I've been dealing with rejection from all people, except my parents, sense I was old enough to socialize. So, sense I can not have any friends, I make up my own. I've been trying to figure out why I'm unliked, or rather not cherished, sense I was 5. I'm now 70. I think ive given this situation long enough for a resolution. I've been to counselor after counselor after counseler all of my life. There are no answers.
 
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