- Feb 5, 2002
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Of all the things about which I preach, very few (if any) provoke as strong (and usually negative) a reaction as the call to forgive. I get more angry pushback after a Mass at which I preach on forgiveness than when I speak about chastity, greed, or any other challenging moral topic.
It would seem that the anger is rooted in two things: first, that the call to forgive implies some dishonoring or diminishing of the pain or injustice someone has experienced, and second, that it seems to imply that there is a requirement to stay in or resume relationships that are poisonous or dysfunctional. But forgiveness need not imply either of these.
Forgiveness is a concept that is often misunderstood. Many people interpret it to mean that they must stop having negative feelings about something that happened to them, or toward someone who hurt them. Many also think of forgiveness as a work they must do out of their own power, rather than as a gift to be received from God. No! Forgiveness is a work of God within us, whereby He acts to free us from the poisonous effects of bitterness and grief that often accompany the harm that was inflicted upon us.
Forgiveness is letting go of the need to change the past. Obviously, we cannot change the past; we cannot change what has happened. But we too easily think that ruminating over past hurts will somehow change what happened or even “get back at” the other person. It will not. Refusing to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Clinging to our hurt and anger, understandable though it may be, only harms us.
Thus forgiveness is first for us, more so than for the other. In calling us to forgive, God is offering us the gift to be free of a great deal of poison and of a costly emotional state that robs us of joy and strength. Carrying anger and hurt is like lugging around bowling balls all day long. What a relief it is to just be free of that weight! And this is what God offers when He gives us the grace to forgive, to let go of the need to change the past, to let go of the desire for others to suffer because of what they have done to us.
Continued below.
It would seem that the anger is rooted in two things: first, that the call to forgive implies some dishonoring or diminishing of the pain or injustice someone has experienced, and second, that it seems to imply that there is a requirement to stay in or resume relationships that are poisonous or dysfunctional. But forgiveness need not imply either of these.
Forgiveness is a concept that is often misunderstood. Many people interpret it to mean that they must stop having negative feelings about something that happened to them, or toward someone who hurt them. Many also think of forgiveness as a work they must do out of their own power, rather than as a gift to be received from God. No! Forgiveness is a work of God within us, whereby He acts to free us from the poisonous effects of bitterness and grief that often accompany the harm that was inflicted upon us.
Forgiveness is letting go of the need to change the past. Obviously, we cannot change the past; we cannot change what has happened. But we too easily think that ruminating over past hurts will somehow change what happened or even “get back at” the other person. It will not. Refusing to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Clinging to our hurt and anger, understandable though it may be, only harms us.
Thus forgiveness is first for us, more so than for the other. In calling us to forgive, God is offering us the gift to be free of a great deal of poison and of a costly emotional state that robs us of joy and strength. Carrying anger and hurt is like lugging around bowling balls all day long. What a relief it is to just be free of that weight! And this is what God offers when He gives us the grace to forgive, to let go of the need to change the past, to let go of the desire for others to suffer because of what they have done to us.
Continued below.
Forgive All Injuries - A Meditation on the Sixth Spiritual Work of Mercy - Community in Mission
Of all the things about which I preach, very few (if any) provoke as strong (and usually negative) a reaction as the call to forgive. I get more angry pushback after a Mass at which I preach on forgiveness than when I speak about chastity, greed, or any other challenging moral topic. It would...
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