‘Husbandry’ and Rethinking a Man’s Bond with his Wife

Michie · Aug 7, 2024

We tend to reflect more on the role of man as father than as husband. Rediscovering husbandry goes hand in hand with rediscovering fatherhood. But wait a moment, you immediately wonder; am I making a play on the word ‘husbandry?’ What am I talking about here?

Let’s be clear: the seeming ambiguity in the term is intrinsic to its usage in English. I suggest that rather than dismissing it, we ask what deeper truth is indicated in what might seem a linguistic quirk. Yet obviously many are not thinking this way. I just found this statement at vocabulary.com: “Husbandry has nothing to do with being a husband, and a lot to do with being a farmer.”

Well, there it is. We’ve removed being a ‘husband’ to a wife from our current usage of ‘husbandry,’ so now when we speak of ‘husbandry’ it’s only about agriculture, not marriage. There is more going on here than meets the eye. In reality what happened first went the other direction: we removed the rich art of ‘husbandry’ from what men do. And the result was and is that both are isolated and impoverished: agriculture lost the aspect of being about ‘husbanding’ the land for the sake of people; and being a married man lost the arts of caring for many concrete things, beginning in the home.

Wendell Berry has pointed this out.

Continued below.

'Husbandry' and Rethinking a Man's Bond with his Wife - LifeCraft

We tend to reflect more on the role of man as father than as husband. Rediscovering husbandry goes hand in hand with rediscovering fatherhood. But wait a moment, you immediately wonder; am I making a play on the word ‘husbandry?’ What am I talking about here? Let’s be clear: the seeming...

life-craft.org

Josheb · Aug 7, 2024

Michie said:
We tend to reflect more on the role of man as father than as husband. Rediscovering husbandry goes hand in hand with rediscovering fatherhood. But wait a moment, you immediately wonder; am I making a play on the word ‘husbandry?’ What am I talking about here?

Let’s be clear: the seeming ambiguity in the term is intrinsic to its usage in English. I suggest that rather than dismissing it, we ask what deeper truth is indicated in what might seem a linguistic quirk. Yet obviously many are not thinking this way. I just found this statement at vocabulary.com: “Husbandry has nothing to do with being a husband, and a lot to do with being a farmer.”

Well, there it is. We’ve removed being a ‘husband’ to a wife from our current usage of ‘husbandry,’ so now when we speak of ‘husbandry’ it’s only about agriculture, not marriage. There is more going on here than meets the eye. In reality what happened first went the other direction: we removed the rich art of ‘husbandry’ from what men do. And the result was and is that both are isolated and impoverished: agriculture lost the aspect of being about ‘husbanding’ the land for the sake of people; and being a married man lost the arts of caring for many concrete things, beginning in the home.

Wendell Berry has pointed this out.

Continued below.

'Husbandry' and Rethinking a Man's Bond with his Wife - LifeCraft

We tend to reflect more on the role of man as father than as husband. Rediscovering husbandry goes hand in hand with rediscovering fatherhood. But wait a moment, you immediately wonder; am I making a play on the word ‘husbandry?’ What am I talking about here? Let’s be clear: the seeming...

life-craft.org

Are you married?

Aside from the fact he has been married to the same woman for almost 70 years (an impressive accomplishment to be commendably acknowledged) why would any Christian in this forum consider Berry an authoritative source on being a husband?

Michie · Aug 8, 2024

Josheb said:
Are you married?

Aside from the fact he has been married to the same woman for almost 70 years (an impressive accomplishment to be commendably acknowledged) why would any Christian in this forum consider Berry an authoritative source on being a husband?

Yes I’m married. Otherwise I could not post here.

Why not look at what Berry lived and wrote and use it for inspiration? People have done it since the beginning of time. Nobody said he was a marriage expert.

Josheb · Aug 8, 2024

Michie said:
Yes I’m married. Otherwise I could not post here.

Michie said:
Why not look at what Berry lived and wrote and use it for inspiration?

I have. I am familiar with Berry, it should not be assumed otherwise, and my question was not answered.

Michie said:
People have done it since the beginning of time.

People have not been reading Berry since the beginning of time

. Neither have they husbandry to be solely or predominantly about siring children.

Michie said:
Nobody said he was a marriage expert.

This op does. Berry is asserted as some modicum of an authority and every reader of the op is asked to read Berry, consider the link worth the read, and comment accordingly. Or perhaps I misunderstood. Perhaps this op is suggesting Berry is a nutcase and everyone should stay as far away from his views as they possibly can! Did I make that mistake?

Thank you for answering my first inquiry. How about you answer my question so we can move the conversation further? Why would any Christian in this forum consider Berry an authoritative source on being a husband?

Michie · Aug 8, 2024

Nobody said he was an authoritative source. If you got a bone to pick you better find someone else. As I said people find inspiration in all sort of places even if it’s not your cup of tea. I personally enjoyed the op.

Michie · Aug 8, 2024

So much here to consider. Husbandry is connection. When a man marries, the primary ‘connection’ in his life should be to his wife. But this connection is part of a web of connections, a web centered in a home they make together. Indeed, because a man binds himself to his wife, he also binds himself to their common home, their shared place in the world. If we unhinge the man from the broader web of connection then we threaten the original, root connection. And we also threaten the other things that call for and indeed demand a husband’s attention.

Berry offers this characterization of husbandry: “it is the art of keeping tied all the strands in the living network that sustains us.” This might seem abstract and a bit wide of the mark; I think rather it goes to the heart of rediscovering and healing masculinity, or more to the point—to healing men; and marriage; and the home.

A true husband tries to keep tied together many things that need to be kept together. Husbandry is a wonderfully vast enterprise that takes care of people, and so takes care of many ‘things’ in human life. A husband in the fullest sense is a man who has fallen in love with a woman, and then discovers that his love for her calls him to that vast enterprise, an enterprise calling for amazing, concrete applications. Imagine a world in which the concrete arts of life are driven by married love! It is always a matter of love, and love brings things together. A married man discovers that his first love does not narrow his life. Rather, by a deep magic the maturation of that love expands his heart, his vision, and the work of his hands to encompass more than he could have imagined.

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