Potential Marriage Advice

smalltownguy24! said:

Hello Everyone!

I have a question regarding potentially entering into marriage. I'll explain the situation and I am looking forward to any guidance. I entered into a relationship with a girl almost 2 years ago. Things are going great, and we are now talking about marriage, children, etc. Here's where my question starts. She was married before. The marriage ended due to the husband having issues with alcohol. She told him to leave, and after 3 months, he entered into a relationship with another woman. He had a child with the other woman. He was the first to do so, she did not enter into a relationship first. I am concerned because in the Bible it states that to marry a woman who was married before is adultery. I have been praying about it, researching it, reading scripture and my thought process currently is that the Bible does grant divorce in certain situations, one of those being for adultery. Since he entered into a sexual relationship with another woman, he broke the bonds of marriage and thus I would not be committing adultery by pursuing a marriage with her. I would appreciate any guidance on this. Thank you everyone in advance.

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These are the kind of things that should be thought about BEFORE getting into a relationship.

The exception for 'pornea' doesn't specify 'adultery'. So to presume, as a large chunk of Protestantism has presumed, that all you have to do is show that your former spouse has committed adultery and then you are free to marry again, well, that's a dangerous presumption.

Matthew has an exception. Mark has no exemption. Luke has no exemption. Why not? I maintain that it is because the exemption means something important to Jewish believers that just wasn't a wider concern. I suspect what 'pornea' means in the case of Matthew is 'incest' by the tighter rules of Israelite religion, where of course getting a divorce would be proper and indeed necessary.

Which view is correct? Some Protestants think 'pornea' means 'adultery'. Other Protestants disagree. Catholics disagree. The Orthodox? Ask 'em. Are you sure that because girlfriend's husband committed adultery she is free to remarry? Maybe. Maybe not. I think not.

So what to do? It's a little late in your situation because it's been two years and you are talking marriage. You will probably go ahead. But did you get it right?

What makes most sense to me was the Catholic view, that marriage is a permanent thing. Basically no divorce for any reason. But a consideration that there are some situations where the necessary consent for marriage never was present. That perhaps one spouse lied to the other or one spouse wasn't capable of marriage or something like that. Those marriages that were a sham could be declared not to have ever been valid.

Yes, there is the concern that you are asking now - - after you already have gotten so involved with her.

Under Jewish law a person in adultery is to be stoned. So, there is no need for divorce since the adulterer and adulteress are dead and any widow or widower is free to marry.

But what if a woman has sex before marriage with another unmarried, unengaged person and she lies about this in order to fool a moral man into marrying her? She gets executed!! So, I guess, in her case, her fornication before marrage would not be needed grounds for divorce since she is executed for so lying and therefore betraying God and His people.

So, I don't know, then, what Jesus could mean unless you have a person who fornicated and lied to you about it in order to marry you and there is no operating death penalty for that.

But we can forgive and do better.

And does Jesus divorce us, each time we have an affair with Satan by sinning?

I am more concerned about if you have been sharing with mature married couples who have done well in marriage for decades. And what scriptures on marriage have you been sharing with one another, so you now are investing in living and relating according to God's word?

The marriage ended because of his alcoholism not adultery. You said the same in your other thread. I'd question if he was drinking heavily before they married or afterward. Alcoholism is hard to hide if you're seeing each other frequently. The lone instances when I've seen that occur is when the couple married quickly. That would be my second question. How long did you date before tying the knot.

~bella

In Matthew 19:9, Jesus says, "And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery." Given that her ex-husband entered into a sexual relationship with another woman and had a child with her, he has indeed broken the marital bond through adultery.

From my understanding, and through prayer and study, it seems that in this situation, the grounds for a biblically permissible divorce are met. Therefore, pursuing a marriage with her would not be considered adultery according to the teachings of Christ

smalltownguy24! said:

Hello Everyone!

I have a question regarding potentially entering into marriage. I'll explain the situation and I am looking forward to any guidance. I entered into a relationship with a girl almost 2 years ago. Things are going great, and we are now talking about marriage, children, etc. Here's where my question starts. She was married before. The marriage ended due to the husband having issues with alcohol. She told him to leave, and after 3 months, he entered into a relationship with another woman. He had a child with the other woman. He was the first to do so, she did not enter into a relationship first. I am concerned because in the Bible it states that to marry a woman who was married before is adultery. I have been praying about it, researching it, reading scripture and my thought process currently is that the Bible does grant divorce in certain situations, one of those being for adultery. Since he entered into a sexual relationship with another woman, he broke the bonds of marriage and thus I would not be committing adultery by pursuing a marriage with her. I would appreciate any guidance on this. Thank you everyone in advance.

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That's correct.

When he left her he became the unbeliever in the context of [1Co 7:15 NIV] But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

In leaving her for another he committed adultery and nullified their so-called marriage. So she is free to marry you. God bless.

smalltownguy24! said:

I would appreciate any guidance on this.

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If you marry a divorced person they bring that baggage with them so you will have problems that you would not have if you were to marry a person who has never been married.

chevyontheriver said:

I suspect what 'pornea' means in the case of Matthew is 'incest' by the tighter rules of Israelite religion, where of course getting a divorce would be proper and indeed necessary.

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This is a consideration for the priesthood and if we want to respect our priesthood. Even a lot of denominations if a pastor gets a divorce he is no longer qualified to be a pastor. They are to live their life as an example to others. This was an issue with Charles Stanly. He separated from his wife but they did not divorce because in his denomination he would no longer be qualified to be a priest.

The Hasidic are pretty strict that women are not even suppose to date other men. She is not to do anything before marriage that would not be right for her to do after she is married. There is a promise keeper movement in the Christian church where a women saves herself for her husband. Under the old testament a priest was required to marry a virgin.

smalltownguy24! said:

Hello Everyone!

I have a question regarding potentially entering into marriage. I'll explain the situation and I am looking forward to any guidance. I entered into a relationship with a girl almost 2 years ago. Things are going great, and we are now talking about marriage, children, etc. Here's where my question starts. She was married before. The marriage ended due to the husband having issues with alcohol. She told him to leave, and after 3 months, he entered into a relationship with another woman. He had a child with the other woman. He was the first to do so, she did not enter into a relationship first. I am concerned because in the Bible it states that to marry a woman who was married before is adultery. I have been praying about it, researching it, reading scripture and my thought process currently is that the Bible does grant divorce in certain situations, one of those being for adultery. Since he entered into a sexual relationship with another woman, he broke the bonds of marriage and thus I would not be committing adultery by pursuing a marriage with her. I would appreciate any guidance on this. Thank you everyone in advance.

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simonw94 said:

In Matthew 19:9, Jesus says, "And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery." Given that her ex-husband entered into a sexual relationship with another woman and had a child with her, he has indeed broken the marital bond through adultery.

From my understanding, and through prayer and study, it seems that in this situation, the grounds for a biblically permissible divorce are met. Therefore, pursuing a marriage with her would not be considered adultery according to the teachings of Christ

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Yes I agree. I think the Lord was trying to protect women from being divorced for trivial reasons. Adultery was the grounds He allowed, so I think the OP is free to go ahead and I wish them happiness.