The dream about Christian camp with literal crucifixions

I just had a dream tonight. So I was in a Christian camp or a community of some sort, I don't remember. At some point, after the completion of Christian growth, each of them were to be nailed to the cross, one by one taking turns. Now, here is the part that wasn't clear. On the one hand, the idea was that it would only be a moment of suffering and then they would be resurrected to eternal life. Yet on the other hand there were no corpses, because I literally talked to people after they done it. It was like they got crucified and then their body didn't die. In any case, each of them were to do it in front of everyone else. But then when there was my turn I chickened out. But I didn't just say no. I was really trying to convince myself to get it done, but I was scared. So basically I ended up being there for half an hour or so asking all kinds of questions to get reassurance. And some of the questions I was asking are the ones I had anyway (when I was awake). For example, I remember asking "I understand that we are all sinners; but what I don't understand is why does sin have to be punished; if the purpose of the punishment is a deterrance from future sin, its not going to work given that the punishment is eternal". And I remember somebody answering it by saying "the solution to past sin is to develop personal relationship with God, just like you had with your father". Anyway, they were very patient. They weren't trying to rush me or anything. They were putting people on the cross, turn by turn, next to me, while I was standing there asking questions. They were ready to put nails through my hands any time, to the point of even putting nails in front of my hands and holding hammer. Yet any time they tried to do it, I kept stopping them. But then I thought to myself "on a bright side, if I get it done, I won't have to question my own salvation ever again". And then I thought "and what about my sinful habits?" and answered to myself "I guess something or other would prevent me from engaging in them just like people don't engage in them in heaven". Yet, after I thought this, I asked them a different question, which (unlike the other thought) I spoke out loud: "so the point of all this is that it would only be a moment of suffering and then I would go to heaven; but, seeing all those doubts that I have, maybe I would go to hell instead of heaven, and so the suffering of nails through my hands won't be just for a moment but instead it would extend for eternity". One of them was going to reassure me I would go to heaven still, but then the other person said "yes, actually that's what I was wondering too; I think you are not ready". And then I agreed that I was not ready. And so we were all walking back to our camp, everyone have had it done except for me (which goes back to the confusing I mentioned earlier, how there weren't any corpses, they just all stayed alive in the physical somehow). And two women (the ones that were trying to help me earlier) were still talking to me, and I admitted to them "I think I am not a true Christian" (but this time I wasn't scared because I had plenty of time in the future to change that). I also told them "I guess I feel more comfortable with old fassioned way where they immerse you in the water" yet at the same time admitting that probably all those Christians aren't true Christians either since according to Matt 7:13 most people aren't. Yet then I thought to myself "so I am saying I am more comfortable being immersed in the water; yet few years ago back in Mississippi I got freaked out by that too and refused as well" (and the latter was not a dream; I actually DID refuse baptism few years ago after I heard Easter message that baptism is symbolic of dying -- I happened to watch Desney movie about Bymax right before that and I pictured sending bymax to his death during baptism which made me not want to do that).