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(NSFW) When/how to confess to past sexual sin while dating?

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Trayalc

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I've been dating a young Christian woman for a couple of months now. When/how should the topic of past sexual sin come up? Is it still too early? Have I waited too long already? The sexual sin in my past consists of (1) pornography and (2) some sexual activity in one past relationship (though thankfully it never turned into full intercourse).

Some days I feel it is not necessary to tell her yet, but then other days my conscience convicts me that I should have told her already. I would appreciate any advice here.
 
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Trayalc said:
I've been dating a young Christian woman for a couple of months now. When/how should the topic of past sexual sin come up? Is it still too early? Have I waited too long already? The sexual sin in my past consists of (1) inappropriate contentography and (2) some sexual activity in one past relationship (though thankfully it never turned into full intercourse).

Some days I feel it is not necessary to tell her yet, but then other days my conscience convicts me that I should have told her already. I would appreciate any advice here.
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This might go better in the Struggles with S*xuality forum. I feel that you and your girlfriend should talk to a Christian leader about this.

Here is a post about how to overcome these struggles (post rated 17+ due to heavy topic): Leviticus 15:16-18 and Ephesians 5:3-6
 
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Reluctant Theologian

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Trayalc said:
I've been dating a young Christian woman for a couple of months now. When/how should the topic of past sexual sin come up? Is it still too early? Have I waited too long already? The sexual sin in my past consists of (1) inappropriate contentography and (2) some sexual activity in one past relationship (though thankfully it never turned into full intercourse).

Some days I feel it is not necessary to tell her yet, but then other days my conscience convicts me that I should have told her already. I would appreciate any advice here.
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She is not your priest/pastor to whom you are obliged to confess every single sin from your past in detail; however it is important she would not feel mislead in the future if possibly her assumptions about your 'clean' past turn out not be true. She has the right to know who the 'real you' is - but you can also disclose that in summarized form. You can think about how much detail you are willing to disclose and she can think about how much detail she really wants/needs to know. Maybe discuss that first. Disclosing too much unnecessary detail can do harm.

Maybe she has the same hesitance as you :) About 30% of porn users these days in Western society are women ..
 
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com7fy8

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You can ask her how much she believes she should know about you, in order to continue with you. And note if and how much she has told you about her own past.

She could be a virgin, for all you know, but perhaps she knows how for a saved person "old things are passed away", as we have in 2 Corinthians 5:17.

And she could say she believes this and therefore is not interested in judging you about your past.

Of course, we can use our past experience for helping other people. And marital and ministering partners might learn from one another's past so together they can help other people, using each other's background as a resource.

And the Bible talks about what should get our attention, right? We have Philippians 4:8, and Colossians 3:1 about how God wants our minds on things above.

So, where is your attention going with each other?
 
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Michie

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Trayalc said:
I've been dating a young Christian woman for a couple of months now. When/how should the topic of past sexual sin come up? Is it still too early? Have I waited too long already? The sexual sin in my past consists of (1) inappropriate contentography and (2) some sexual activity in one past relationship (though thankfully it never turned into full intercourse).

Some days I feel it is not necessary to tell her yet, but then other days my conscience convicts me that I should have told her already. I would appreciate any advice here.
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I think it’s too soon. It really depends on how serious you both are and if there is a goal of marriage there. I’m of the belief that there is no need to confess everything in your past. It often does more harm than good. The important thing is repenting and resolving to not fall into it again. Praying to God and if you have a confessor, going to them for prayer. I do not need to know everything in my husband’s dating past. What matters is the here and now.
 
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RileyG

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It depends how serious the relationship is. If you are truly repentant, you’re forgiven and must move on. Focus on God’s mercy.
 
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