Seeking truth to combat others' perceptions

FoundWandering · Sep 10, 2023

So, I'm divorced. He was heavily abusive and eventually I found out he cheated. Let's move on.

I've made my way through the grieving process and throughout that process I prayed multiple times every single day to find clarity and relive myself of these emotions regarding my ex. Every time, I would get these signs from Him that lead me not toward another man (good, honestly, I'm totally done with all that mess) but toward bigger and more complex outreach scenarios. I've prayed up on these things as well, and as far as I have made sense of things, it seems that my true calling is to create a super-specialized and hyper-niche non-profit the likes of which currently doesn't exist anywhere that I can find online.

I get the sense that I'm to do this sooner rather than later, as it has been set upon my heart as "urgent". The problems that stand in my way are: 1) I am big (taller than most men, and heavy) and not pretty owing to the loss and destruction of many of my teeth, 2) I am nowhere near anyone's perfect example of a business person and lack any formal education for such things (I have a GED and some trade apprenticeship knowledge, none of which would be pertinent to this application), 3) I am quite introverted and scared of speaking with large crowds (though I do enjoy the companionship of working together), and lastly 4) I have no money (like none, at all).

So my question is basically, what do I do with all of these spiritual shoves toward this endeavor? How can I even begin to start a process like this? And how do I find peace in the meantime with this knowledge that I must do these things fast, seemingly all by myself?

Gentle Lamb · Sep 10, 2023

You are not alone. God is with you. 1st step, pray and ask God for direction and provision. No physical limitations will stand in your way if you depend on God. Moses said to God that he couldn't speak very well, but God provided Aaron. If it is God who is calling you, He will also enable you to complete what He is calling you to do. The founder of the Salvation Army accomplished everything by total dependence on God. Depend on God and He will provide for you too.

Wings like Eagles · Sep 10, 2023

Gentle Lamb said:
You are not alone. God is with you. 1st step, pray and ask God for direction and provision. No physical limitations will stand in your way if you depend on God. Moses said to God that he couldn't speak very well, but God provided Aaron. If it is God who is calling you, He will also enable you to complete what He is calling you to do. The founder of the Salvation Army accomplished everything by total dependence on God. Depend on God and He will provide for you too.

Agree 100%

Diamond72 · Sep 10, 2023

FoundWandering said:
So, I'm divorced. He was heavily abusive and eventually I found out he cheated. Let's move on.

You cannot move on until you take responsibility and quit trying to put all the blame on the other person.

FoundWandering said:
I prayed multiple times every single day to find clarity and relive myself of these emotions regarding my ex.

That was a real struggle for me to forgive. I know this was a work of God because I was trying to prepare my heart for taking communion and God did a work in me so that I was able to forgive.

FoundWandering · Sep 10, 2023

I didn't want to have to write this account, but it looks like I have to, because I'm not quite sure if you understood the "heavily abusive" part. He beat me. Horrifically.

The last straw I could stand was one day, I had gotten home from running errands (paying bills & grocery shopping for the week), I was exhausted, but started making dinner for us anyway. I was going to make stuffed shells, one of his favorites. The Lord told me (through prayer) to try harder to forgive him his past mistakes and to try showing him acts of kindness. So, I did. Well, I planned to, but he kind of jumped in the middle of those plans.

He came running into the kitchen frantically and yelling about my getting home so late. It was 1 pm. How that's late, I still don't know, since I left at 10 that morning. Regardless, I long ago learned to just acquiesce and try not to let his anger get to me. He didn't want that on this day, apparently. He grabbed the pot on the drying rack that I had just washed to make my homemade sauce, and began beating me in my face with it. I don't remember much other than screaming at the top of my lungs.

I woke up in the hospital. Our neighbors nanny had heard me screaming, and called 911. By the time the police and EMTs got there, I was already unconscious. I wish I had pressed charges, I really do, but the Lord told me not to, he would "handle it all". Our son was in school at the time, and my ex's mother had to pick him up. I was in the hospital for 3 weeks. Multiple facial surgeries, and 2 weeks with my mouth wired shut. He broke 90% of my teeth (mostly the front ones), my jaw in 4 different places, my nose in 2, and my right eye socket.

Now I don't know about you, or your life, but there's no way I was just going to sit there in that relationship any longer after that. What does that teach our son? That it's perfectly okay to beat the crud out of your wife? Sorry, no.... Right after I finally filed for divorce, I get sent a random message on Facebook from his "fiancé" thanking me for finally letting "her man" be free of me. I just replied, "You're welcome to him, have a blessed day." I didn't have much else to say, by that point, honestly.

So was the divorce my fault? The Lord that I pray to, every moment I need something, says it's not. You don't have to trust me, trust Him. He didn't want me to deal with that any longer. He saved me more times than I could possibly count already, He wasn't going to just let me die in that situation, not when He has such big plans for me.

All I was wondering was how could I start the non-profit knowing all of this would require my standing in front of large crowds of people and asking them for donations in order to get this off the ground. How do I face the criticisms of my messed up face and lost teeth to people who don't know me? How will they perceive my sincerity and trust me to guide their money in a Godly way if I find it difficult to smile?

YorkieGal · Sep 10, 2023

You should smile because you left a horrific situation and still managed to hold on to God. Lots of people abandon faith and turn to other things during times of despair. You have conquered an earthly challenge and now want to move forward with a spiritual challenge.

Sounds wonderful.

I, for one, would not focus on the messenger (you) so much as the message.

If you have a fear of speaking in front of large crowds, there are online guides to assist. Talking in front of a mirror and 'fake it til you make it' works, too.

Be prepared for people in their ignorance or inability to understand your point of view, to judge and blame, but that is your opportunity to show them that even through the worst scenarios, God is there leading us to the right answers if we listen.

FoundWandering · Sep 10, 2023

Misty-Dawn said:
You should smile because you left a horrific situation and still managed to hold on to God. Lots of people abandon faith and turn to other things during times of despair. You have conquered an earthly challenge and now want to move forward with a spiritual challenge.

Sounds wonderful.

I, for one, would not focus on the messenger (you) so much as the message.

If you have a fear of speaking in front of large crowds, there are online guides to assist. Talking in front of a mirror and 'fake it til you make it' works, too.

Be prepared for people in their ignorance or inability to understand your point of view, to judge and blame, but that is your opportunity to show them that even through the worst scenarios, God is there leading us to the right answers if we listen.

Thank you for that. It does help me to hear that maybe my survival message would do a lot of good to bring up in situations like these.

Maybe that's why the Lord carried me through it, so I could use this message to guide others to His feet with the mission He gave me.

I try hard to look at myself in the mirror, but it's hard knowing where the scars came from, and knowing that I kept myself in that situation to try to "fix" us, even knowing that I did because the Lord told me I should try harder.

YorkieGal · Sep 10, 2023

FoundWandering said:
Thank you for that. It does help me to hear that maybe my survival message would do a lot of good to bring up in situations like these.

Maybe that's why the Lord carried me through it, so I could use this message to guide others to His feet with the mission He gave me.

I try hard to look at myself in the mirror, but it's hard knowing where the scars came from, and knowing that I kept myself in that situation to try to "fix" us, even knowing that I did because the Lord told me I should try harder.

I think you have to forgive yourself for the anger you feel for losing something that was important to you in order to save what was important to you at the time. It's okay to be angry, disappointed, ashamed, confused etc. None of us can see the future, none of us are perfect so all we can do is learn and be thankful that we come out from the other side of a bad situation.

Once you have let go of that anger and shame that you have burdened yourself with, I think you will not be as focused on any physical changes because you will have changed spiritually and will assist others in doing the same. You will see the value of your past choice as it affects you and others now.

Stay strong and pray when you have moments of weakness or doubt! People will be very inspired by your journey and strength and the fact that you give all the glory to God. I believe this!

Diamond72 · Sep 11, 2023

FoundWandering said:
So was the divorce my fault?

The problem is not with the divorce. God calls us to peace. The issue has to do with remarriage. Far to often women end up with someone that is just as abusive. It is difficult because the abuse cycle has a honeymoon phase that feels so good.

Honeymoon Phase: Following the abusive phase, the abuser may express remorse, apologize, and show affection or kindness toward the victim. This phase can be confusing for the victim because it feels like a reprieve from the abuse. It may give the false impression that the abuser has changed, leading the victim to hope for a better future.

Diamond72 · Sep 11, 2023

FoundWandering said:
Maybe that's why the Lord carried me through it,

He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 1 Corinthians 1:4

tturt · Sep 11, 2023

And sba.gov has free resources. Small Business Administration.

FoundWandering · Sep 11, 2023

Diamond7 said:
The problem is not with the divorce. God calls us to peace. The issue has to do with remarriage. Far to often women end up with someone that is just as abusive. It is difficult because the abuse cycle has a honeymoon phase that feels so good.

Honeymoon Phase: Following the abusive phase, the abuser may express remorse, apologize, and show affection or kindness toward the victim. This phase can be confusing for the victim because it feels like a reprieve from the abuse. It may give the false impression that the abuser has changed, leading the victim to hope for a better future.

Trust me, as I trust in Him.
I am NOT even remotely interested in getting back with my ex, let alone jumping into another relationship with anyone else. It's simply not happening. EVER again.
I can't make myself go through that torture again, and I can't make myself trust another man ever again. Maybe I need some therapy or something, or maybe I'm perfectly fine. Being alone doesn't even scare me at all. Plus, it's been made very clear to me, that a relationship wasn't supposed to be my path anyway.
It will be good for my son to see that women can survive after traumatic events and still change the world. He's super gung-ho about helping with the non-profit, too, as much as he's legally able.
We sat down and had a very long talk about the changes that we'll have to face now, and he sweetly began to tell me his thoughts on everything. He told me yesterday that he's proud of me, and he promises he won't beat up any kids who make fun of my face. He said he loves me even more now, since I took him away from his father, because he was terrified every day that he would come home and I'd be... well, gone.
I understand that many Christians have the viewpoint that women can't do much without a male partner to convey strength and stability, and I know I have a long row to hoe just to try and change their minds. But the Lord told me I HAVE to. It's set in stone. It must be done. Fast. I will do whatever He guides me to do from here on out, because He saved me in every way possible and I have to thank Him somehow for the gifts of everything.
I am not a "normal" woman. I am called to something quite a bit bigger than me. I will not falter, change my ideals, or change my mind for a few weeks of "feels good". My face now reminds me of my purpose every time I look in the mirror.

Gentle Lamb · Sep 11, 2023

I'm so sorry to hear about everything that you have been through. You are a SURVIVOR for sure!!! God loves you so much! He saved you because He loves you unconditionally. The people that God is sending you to will not reject you for any issues with your appearance. God will give them a heart for you. I still stand by my first advice to you. At times, it helps to see an example of who/what came before us to draw on their example. This is a cartoon version of the story of the Salvation Army, but it tells the story and gets to the point. I will share it with you below. Also, I wanted to add that there will always be naysayers, there will always be people who blame you for your problems and for what you went through. Consider Job, the Lord Himself considered Job to be upright in his ways, and yet Satan came to accuse him. Until we get to heaven, the accuser of the brethren will always be there to accuse us and make us feel guilty about ourselves. Do not join in the accusations. Do forgive yourself, be kind to yourself, and remember that God loves you dearly. Do your best with everything that He has given you, as He has told us to do our work as unto Him, according to Colossians 3:23. God bless you. <3

SabbathBlessings · Sep 16, 2023

FoundWandering said:
So, I'm divorced. He was heavily abusive and eventually I found out he cheated. Let's move on.

I've made my way through the grieving process and throughout that process I prayed multiple times every single day to find clarity and relive myself of these emotions regarding my ex. Every time, I would get these signs from Him that lead me not toward another man (good, honestly, I'm totally done with all that mess) but toward bigger and more complex outreach scenarios. I've prayed up on these things as well, and as far as I have made sense of things, it seems that my true calling is to create a super-specialized and hyper-niche non-profit the likes of which currently doesn't exist anywhere that I can find online.

I get the sense that I'm to do this sooner rather than later, as it has been set upon my heart as "urgent". The problems that stand in my way are: 1) I am big (taller than most men, and heavy) and not pretty owing to the loss and destruction of many of my teeth, 2) I am nowhere near anyone's perfect example of a business person and lack any formal education for such things (I have a GED and some trade apprenticeship knowledge, none of which would be pertinent to this application), 3) I am quite introverted and scared of speaking with large crowds (though I do enjoy the companionship of working together), and lastly 4) I have no money (like none, at all).

So my question is basically, what do I do with all of these spiritual shoves toward this endeavor? How can I even begin to start a process like this? And how do I find peace in the meantime with this knowledge that I must do these things fast, seemingly all by myself?

I am so sorry you went through this-I have been through some similar things a very long time ago and God is what got me through them as well, always looking at the bright light at the end of a dark tunnel is what got me through it.

That said, God works through the meek and humble, someone who has the ability to push aside their pride and will and be willing to do whatever God asks and remember- God will never ask any of us to go away from His Word Psa 119:1-5, Isa 8:20 so its really important to study the Bible’s for ourselves and allow whatever His Word says to guide our lives instead of making His Word fit our lifestyles.

Some other suggestions- I would consider joining a gym- or taking up some sort of exercise- it does wonders for our mental health- our bodies are to be a temple and dwelling place for the Holy Spirit 1 Cor 6:19 and it matters what we eat and how we take care of them.

Don’t worry about being perfect, no one is, getting out of the toxic marriage and keep allowing God to heal and guide you, just keep seeking Him first, everything else will fall in place.

God bless!

anetazo · Sep 18, 2023

Hello sister. Your not alone. I moved away from narcissist in 2018. Toxic environment. Psychological and emotional abuse for several years.
I recently visited him in July this year. My other brother told me he joined a church.
We're talking False Humility. I believe he questions his self worth and low self esteem. I'm not judging anyone.
Psalm chapter 51. Humility is certainly the heart attitude neccessary for repentance.
False humility is a twisted form of Pride. People like this won't submit to God's will.
Satan is prince of the air. He will influence those who are not in Gods sanctuary. Satan did this to king David. It was pride. He sinned. Man of God confronted him. David confessed his sin and took responsibility for his actions. God did punish him. Its chastisement.
Colossians 2:18. Humility can be faked. My brother put up smoke screen. He never changed. He studies with false preachers.
He tried to entice me to embrace rapture theory, which is false doctrine.
Romans chapter 12:9 . Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor which is evil; cleave to which is good.
Those who have holy spirit, it will never go against the truth. Children of light will always tell the truth.
Psalm chapter 73:3. For I was envious at the foolish, When I saw the prosperity of the wicked. The wicked have money. Those who are humble, are poor. The wicked are going to hell. Those who love and serve God are going to kingdom of God.
73:17. Until I went into the sanctuary of God; then I understand thier end. The reprobates or wicked are going to Sheol. It's holding place for the spirtualty dead or wicked. Pride and false humility leads to destruction.
73:18 surely thou did set them in slippery places: Thou cast them down into destruction.
Humility and obedience to God is the key. Stay in the sanctuary. Lean on Jesus. Pray to God for help. Ask Jesus for guidance and wisdom. Jesus can fix your situation.
Jesus helped me out of bad situation 5 years ago. Jesus will help you. If you repent and ask for help.
I wish you all the best.

Seeking truth to combat others' perceptions

Steward of the Earth - it all starts there

"Let there be sheep!"

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Dispensationalist 72

Steward of the Earth - it all starts there

Glory to God

Steward of the Earth - it all starts there

Glory to God

Dispensationalist 72

Dispensationalist 72

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Steward of the Earth - it all starts there

"Let there be sheep!"

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