Apologies and Request

My dear friend, give yourself some mercy. You love God! He is inviting you deeper into His love. Anything that works against you becoming more immersed in His love, (guilt, condemnation, religious works), is not from Him. Your are driven to work to love Him, but for you, resting in who He is is your answer.

The thought process begins with God's grace, and continues in God's grace.

Remember to be kind to yourself just as Jesus has been kind to you.

It seems..you need time for 'spiritual renewal/restoration, refreshing'..
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Post 2 & 3 have good advice/comments for you.
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I went through..the renewal/restoration time..
- during my spiritual/ministry journey.
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More of His grace and restoration power to you..

ByTheSpirit said:

I am trying, the things I hear about myself can be burdensome because I know they are true. But I do believe in the grace of God to overcome all things.

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It is a matter of holding to what God's Word says about you, rather than depending on your feelings to determine your personal well-being. Getting a clear picture of what God's Word says about it requires some concentrated homework to see how the different parts of the Bible fit together as it shows God developmental plan of salvation from Genesis to Revelation.

My mission statement is: "By grace I am saved through faith, not of myself, it is God's gift; not of works lest any should boast."

I am at present working through Chuck Missler's 24 part commentary on Genesis, and this is the best study I have ever viewed. It is a real faith builder as it shows that Jesus is all the way through the book. I have his commentary on Exodus and Leviticus to carry on with. It also shows how Satan has tried to derail God's plan of salvation through the ages, and one way he tries to knock us off our trolley of faith is to fire his flaming darts of negative feelings and emotions. One example happened just the other night. I had just spent around three hours of view the Genesis commentary, and settled into bed. As I started to go to sleep, I suddenly started to imagine what it would be like if my wife and I encountered a gunman in the supermarket and she got shot, and what I would do if I had a knife in order to attack the gunman and stab him to death. I immediately knew it was a fiery dart from Satan and so I used the Scripture, "I will lay myself down in peace and sleep, because the Lord will cause me to live in safety." The darts kept coming, so I got up, turned my computer on and watched the next session on Genesis for the next hour until my wound up emotions and fear and anger subsided. Because faith comes by hearing the Word of God, by viewing the Genesis commentary I was holding up and strengthening my shield of faith and preventing more fiery darts penetrating my emotions. I hope this is helpful to you.