Why are Christian's not so supportive for people who suffer with anxiety or mental health?

PrincessofGod18 said:

That's why at least one person or the pastor should be trained up for these things. Instead i seeking help for others outside the church.

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What kind of help are you wanting the church to provide?

Church's aren't mental health counselling centers, the focus of the church in the main is helping people learn about and grow in Christ, and while there's a people element, it's not the same as providing mental health counseling... that kind of need should be fulfilled in the medical community since it's an actual medical need.

PrincessofGod18 said:

But these are people i have known for years. The way i see it is, if you don't go to church that's it is the friendship fizzled out ? Then the friendship is only a church thing? how sad is that.

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Your right on that... anyone who's been attending church for years that suddenly stops going should be checked on...

PrincessofGod18 said:

Hi all
I found Christian's can be not so supportive when it comes to mental health and anxiety. I have suffered really bad anxiety to a point I getting help from a CBT therapist.

But I have found a real lack of support from Christian's, as in I feel that if i don't go to church that's it they stop engaging with me. I thought church people are meant to engage in the outside world.

I feel the church is not taking anxiety and mental health seriously.

I am Christian and it takes me a lot long to process to getting back to some kind of normal.

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Hi Princess,

You're right, there are a number of people in churches who aren't very supportive when it comes to engaging or understanding other church members (and some visitors) who express that they are dealing with mental health and anxiety.

Try to keep in mind that some of how well other folks at church interact with others is dependant upon their familiarity with human psychology and medical care. If they aren't educated in that way, or if their understanding about the world amounts to little more than a familiarity with certain tropes from the Bible alone, then they will fall short of being able to meet you where you are (which may be at home at times, in this case).

Some of them may respond negatively in other ways and, a few, might even be afraid of what they "think" your personal issues might mean in practical ways. I saw this kind of interaction failure among fellow church members when my mother was alive. She suffered from Schizophrenia/Bi-Polar states, and when my family attended church, I noticed how little folks would extend greeting or care toward her if they sensed she had some 'problems.' This was especially so if or when they'd become informed that my mom had mental health issues.

And on some level, I don't blame them since mental health issues can come on a scale of severity, and sometimes there are those whose disorders can result in even criminal behavior. So, it often takes a special gift of compassion for a fellow church member to understand the kind of care and insight that another person might need who suffers from mental health and/or anxiety. It can also take an education in psychological disorders for them to be responsive in the right way.

I know this kind of situation is difficult, but maybe the best thing you can do is be as patient as you can be as you attempt to evaluate each friend at church for his/her level of potential helpfulness and empathy. Some people just don't have it even if they're Christian, and sometimes it might even be because they too have some kind of mental health issue they're dealing with.

So, how many people at your church would you say are educated in the fields of medicine and/or psychology? If you know of any, those might be the ones to reach out to.

2PhiloVoid said:

And on some level, I don't blame them since mental health issues can come on a scale of severity, and sometimes there are those whose disorders can result in even criminal behavior

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This here is my problem. My exhusband was violent, extremely so. I never knew he was mentally ill, I didn't know what mental illness was at all. At any rate I left the marriage disabled for life, and was exceedingly lucky to have escaped alive at all.

He tried to take the children from me legally, and I had to fight very hard because I was so afraid for the children but had never called the police on him. The court appointed guardian ad litems for the kids so their best interests could be served, which resulted in seeing a psychiatrist for all of us individually and together (the kids with him and the kids with me etc to see our interactions with the kids and of course all of us apart and all of us together).

The psychiatrists determination on my husband was paranoid schizophrenia among a whole host of other mental health issues, and I think that's when I got afraid of people with mental health diagnoses.

Now whenever I see the warning signs, I back way way off... I talk to a woman online who suffers from bi-polar disorder, but I keep my distance to some degree and I fully admit not actually reading all of what she writes when she's more unbalanced...

In person? I can barely deal at all and don't try because it's just not something I'm capable of and I'm honest enough to recognize that in myself.

I think it does take people who are knowledgeable, trained and able to deal with people who are mentally ill, and one really bad experience with mental illness can ruin someone for life.

As for me I get panicky when I see warning signs of someone being mentally ill, and can't be in the same room alone with them. It's that flight response where everything in your being screams run. lol.. which is a mental health issue of its own I guess...

Hazelelponi said:

This here is my problem. My exhusband was violent, extremely so. I never knew he was mentally ill, I didn't know what mental illness was at all. At any rate I left the marriage disabled for life, and was exceedingly lucky to have escaped alive at all.

He tried to take the children from me legally, and I had to fight very hard because I was so afraid for the children but had never called the police on him. The court appointed guardian ad litems for the kids so their best interests could be served, which resulted in seeing a psychiatrist for all of us individually and together (the kids with him and the kids with me etc to see our interactions with the kids and of course all of us apart and all of us together).

The psychiatrists determination on my husband was paranoid schizophrenia among a whole host of other mental health issues, and I think that's when I got afraid of people with mental health diagnoses.

Now whenever I see the warning signs, I back way way off... I talk to a woman online who suffers from bi-polar disorder, but I keep my distance to some degree and I fully admit not actually reading all of what she writes when she's more unbalanced...

In person? I can barely deal at all and don't try because it's just not something I'm capable of and I'm honest enough to recognize that in myself.

I think it does take people who are knowledgeable, trained and able to deal with people who are mentally ill, and one really bad experience with mental illness can ruin someone for life.

As for me I get panicky when I see warning signs of someone being mentally ill, and can't be in the same room alone with them. It's that flight response where everything in your being screams run. lol.. which is a mental health issue of its own I guess...

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Thanks for sharing all of that, Sister Hazelelponi! Your situation in that case is understandable, I know that all of it was very difficult to deal with. All I'll say at this point since I'm not the professional is big hugs to both you and @PrincessofGod18. Your perspectives offer some insight here to two sides of the issue.

Peace be upon you both!

Give and take has two sides. How are you serving those in need? Personal challenges don’t excuse us from doing the same. I was bedridden with two incurable diseases and used that period to assist women who needed love and care. And I wasn’t a believer.

There’s an upside to helping others during difficult times. It takes your mind off yourself and your problems. It lessens anxiety and increases relatability. I built a huge group of friends who loved and supported me.

I hear accusations like this frequently. But in my experience there’s usually an imbalance. Shoulds and expectations echo this. Anything someone does on your behalf is an act of love and grace. That’s in addition to their struggles and problems from friends and loved ones. They’re adding you to the plate and in most cases it’s full.

While I understand your frustration it sounds entitled. Where are your family and friends? The church can’t be everything to everyone. That’s unrealistic.

~bella

bèlla said:

Give and take has two sides. How are you serving those in need? Personal challenges don’t excuse us from doing the same. I was bedridden with two incurable diseases and used that period to assist women who needed love and care. And I wasn’t a believer.

There’s an upside to helping others during difficult times. It takes your mind off yourself and your problems. It lessens anxiety and increases relatability. I built a huge group of friends who loved and supported me.

I hear accusations like this frequently. But in my experience there’s usually an imbalance. Shoulds and expectations echo this. Anything someone does on your behalf is an act of love and grace. That’s in addition to their struggles and problems from friends and loved ones. They’re adding you to the plate and in most cases it’s full.

While I understand your frustration it sounds entitled. Where are your family and friends? The church can’t be everything to everyone. That’s unrealistic.

~bella

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This is such helpful advice and rings true from my experience as well.

PrincessofGod18 said:

Hi all
I found Christian's can be not so supportive when it comes to mental health and anxiety. I have suffered really bad anxiety to a point I getting help from a CBT therapist.

But I have found a real lack of support from Christian's, as in I feel that if i don't go to church that's it they stop engaging with me. I thought church people are meant to engage in the outside world.

I feel the church is not taking anxiety and mental health seriously.

I am Christian and it takes me a lot long to process to getting back to some kind of normal.

Click to expand...

I am sorry you have experienced that from other Christian's. I struggled with depression an anxiety for over 20 years. Being a Christian I struggled with if I have faith in God how can I struggle with depression and anxiety. God never said we wouldn't struggle and just like diabetes, depression and anxiety are diseases and they are affected by a chemical imbalance in our brain. Most people in general haven't experience severe depression and anxiety and they don't understand. What I have found is finding information that I can share from Christian sites that help others gain understanding that depression and anxiety are real diseases and that the person is not causing them. Here is the one I use to share the information. I will be praying for you; that you do feel better and that you can help those who don't understand mental health can become more aware. Hugs and God Bless

PrincessofGod18 said:

That's why at least one person or the pastor should be trained up for these things. Instead i seeking help for others outside the church.

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It's also important to draw the line between counseling and church socializing. There are Christian counselors out there. They do go to church, and the ones I know have a heart and compassion for people that is at another level. But my guess is many of them don't want to go to church to do more counseling after counseling all week. But church socializing and outreach, I think many are game for.

Joined2krist said:

Smaller churches are more desirable for people looking to build relationships or you can join small groups if you attend s bigger Church

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I agree, small groups are a good way to get to know people. God Bless

PrincessofGod18 said:

I have spoken to the pastors wife.

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First, thank you so much for answering back to us

If you please, would you like to share anything about what you and the pastor's wife said?

Among other things, did she say any scripture for helping you with your anxiety problem?

Did she recommend anyone to talk to?

Again . . . in my opinion . . . you can do well to find mature seniors who know Jesus and God's word. They might not know about mental illness, professionally, of course, but they can give you things to help you with your Christian spiritual walk < you need this even while you have mental trouble. And this can help you, somehow.

PrincessofGod18 said:

at least one person or the pastor should be trained up for these things. Instead i seeking help for others outside the church.

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Our church had an atheist addict, and they brought in an expert who taught them. What really helped the guy was how he could see how they cared, though they did not have answers for all his questions. Now he has pastored our church, plus he is now pastoring the church which formed by combining our church with another church

I think what helped in the long run was having mature examples in the faith, and caring with prayer. Medical can do certain things in this life, but God does what is eternal.

PrincessofGod18 said:

Some people in the church haven't spoken to me for a couple of months. If the Church is not interacting with people outside the church then I think the church has lost it's way.

I seen that some Christian's don't know the depth of someone with serve anxiety.

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It can be they do not appreciate their own problems; they could be in denial, even. So, of course they won't be able to do much for you. But if you did not establish connections enough so you kept in touch with them during the week . . . I suppose you could have had somewhat to do with that . . . right?

The ones who don't know what to do, of course, might not know who to refer you to, even within their church. How many are there? Is it possible you socialized with only certain ones and you could have missed ones who could have helped you? Did the pastor's wife say anything about this?

And there can be churches which are not really into the Bible. But we do need example people who have been through things; these can help you, from their own experience . . . while you can share with them, too.

We’re in the middle of a global pandemic. Many have lost friends, loved ones, resources, and mobility. To say the last year was stressful is an understatement. The majority are doing the best they can.

Grace is necessary. Many are attending to needs at home. Including children, older relatives, and those who contracted the virus. The best thing we can do for one another is pray.

I called and checked on everyone. I didn’t wait for them to contact me. Knowing they were okay was more important than receiving the same.

~bella

PrincessofGod18 said:

but i have notice families go with families, couples go with couples.

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Yeah that's generally the case in any group settings.

Are there not many other single women in your church?

You usually have more in common with people in your own peer group and have a tendency to make lasting friendships in them. That's not to say the young can't bond with the elderly ect. but usually you have the most engagement with others in your own peer group.

It would be inappropriate for you to develop closer friendships with the males in your peer group (unless you were specifically looking to marry and trying to determine suitability toward that end), but if there are single women in your church, are you trying to make freinds with them?

PrincessofGod18 said:

Are there not many other single women in your church? Nope

It's funny that because i am single Christian. Why do people have this away of treating single people like this?
I like that everyone has different interests otherwise it will be boring conversation if we had all the same ideas and interest.

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I doubt it's people intentionally treating you poorly, likely they just don't know or understand how your being affected by the lack of a peer group inside this church.

Generally new mom's or young parents like to be around other new mom's and young parents because they are their own support system. They can't, for instance, get the same knowledgeable advice about the challenges of breastfeeding (for instance), from young women who've never had a child...

The list can go on... but often we find more support from others in our peer group than from those outside of it.

What about single elderly women? Do you have any widows in your church? Maybe they could be the group you find yourself closest to...

If not, have you considered a church that has more people in your peer group? Perhaps not by leaving this church, but even just splitting some time with another church... maybe Wednesday night bible study elsewhere and an activity or two...

What does the Pastor's wife say about you connecting with others? Was she helpful with any suggestions?

I think more of your problems here lie not in your struggles with mental illness (not that that wouldn't add an additional stressor) but rather in the lack of a peer group to connect with here.

PrincessofGod18 said:

I felt hurt when i went on a church trip and one friend from my church had to go to another train carriage because there was not enough room so i sat down and the other church people where on the same train carriage as me didn't speak to me the whole trip just talking in there group of 4.

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Did you initiate contact or were you waiting for them to do so?

Some Sunday's I would here so and so invited to go out on a trip but no invite from me. I am single Christian but i have notice families go with families, couples go with couples.

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Did you invite your friend out or the people you worked with while volunteering?

There’s a lot of people here who’ve said the same. But oftentimes they’ve made no gestures themselves. They expected others to notice and include them. That places the onus on everyone else and forces them to read your mind.

If you’re strangers they have no way of knowing you’re shy, introverted, socially awkward, or have mental health challenges. You have to do your part and reach out.

And if this was representative of your experiences there, why would you expect them to contact you when you’re gone if you barely engage in person?

~bella

PrincessofGod18 said:

Hi all
I found Christian's can be not so supportive when it comes to mental health and anxiety. I have suffered really bad anxiety to a point I getting help from a CBT therapist.

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I, too, long ago struggled against profound anxiety (and depression, I think). I had panic attacks (sometimes three or four in a row), insomnia, hypnogogia, even swallowing and breathing issues - all stemming from deep anxiety and OCD thinking. Instead of turning to drugs and a therapist, though, I looked to God's word for the route to freedom from anxiety. And I found it.

Over and over again in the New Testament, Christians are told that in Christ, they can have a joyful, peaceful, psychologically-stable existence.

2 Timothy 1:7
7 for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

Galatians 5:22-23
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Matthew 11:28-30
28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Philippians 4:6-7
6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 1:2
2 Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

And so on.

When I read these verses and consider my own experience with God coming free of profound anxiety and the many Christians around me deeply mired in the World's way of responding to anxiety, never really coming free but put on addling drugs and made to attend a therapist's office every week, I am greatly saddened and frustrated. It is a travesty, in my opinion, that Christians have come to believe that God alone cannot lift their fears, obsessions, depression, and hurts.

In my case, then, when I don't agree with the typical reasoning someone like yourself has embraced about your anxiety - and expects me to embrace also - it isn't coldness, and cruelty, and condemnation that is the reason but concern and frustration at the terrible lies of the World so many like yourself have embraced about their poor state of mind and how to deal with it.

In all the many centuries prior to modern drugs and therapy, what did believers do who became depressed, or anxious, or hurt psychologically? When they sought God for relief, for the joy and peace He told them in His word was theirs in Christ, did God just shrug His shoulders and think, "You're oughta' luck. I can't do anything for you without drugs and a therapist"? Wouldn't that make God an incredible liar, His promises of strength, and peace, and rest in Himself, hollow and enormously misleading? That's what believers today, who so fiercely champion the modern psychological approach, are proposing, essentially.

But the writers of the NT themselves describe to us a deep, rich, joyful, incredibly fearless experience in their walk with God. Consider the apostle Paul, persecuted from without and within the Christian community, abused, criticized, even stoned and left for dead, at one point, often hungry and cold, imprisoned and finally beheaded at Rome, who did not descend into paralyzing fear and depression, in the absence of drugs and therapy helpless to do otherwise. No, he wrote instead,

Philippians 4:11-13
11 Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.
12 I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.
13 I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for you: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

How did Paul manage such equanimity, such stability, under such intense persecution and deprivation without drugs and therapy? What about PTSD? What about the stress? Surely, he must have been crippled terribly with fear, and depression and the psychological pain of abuse? How can he say what he does above? It doesn't make sense, it shouldn't be possible, if modern psychology is true.

Paul is not alone, though. All throughout the last two millenia, Christian men and women in the face of vicious hardships and persecution, died with joy, praise of God on their lips, as they were butchered, or burned, or hung, or pulled apart by horses. How? They should have been cowering, psychologically-crushed people, crazed and paralyzed by stress, fear and abuse. But they weren't. No, they found, instead, that God was as good as His word and imparted to them in the Person of His Spirit supernatural power to remain at peace, joyful, even, in the face of staggering cruelty and pain.

What has happened to western Christians today? How far from this sort of experience of God they have drifted, so many of them now convinced that drugs and therapists - not God - are absolutely essential to proper mental health. What will they do when the approaching persecution of the Church begins, and they are cut off from their drugs and therapists, and set under the brutality and violence of those who hate them? Will God just shrug His shoulders and say, "Can't help you. You need drugs and a therapist." No, He will do as He promised in His word and take His children deep into Himself where they will find all they need to live in peace and rest regardless of their circumstances.

PrincessofGod18 said:

But I have found a real lack of support from Christian's, as in I feel that if i don't go to church that's it they stop engaging with me. I thought church people are meant to engage in the outside world.

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Well, look at things from the perspective of those in your church you've forsaken. What could they reasonably assume from your departure from their community? It would seem, from their end, that you don't want their company; you left it, after all, right? They may well be thinking that they're respecting your decision to leave them by not chasing after you.

PrincessofGod18 said:

I feel the church is not taking anxiety and mental health seriously.

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No, I think they're not taking God seriously. See above.