Is it deceitful or back-back stabbing?

BrokenSpirit88 · Mar 8, 2021

I am in a brand new relationship, we've only been together for two months, and I just can't seem to bring myself to fully trust him. It's gotten to the point where I feel like I'm looking for something to answer my questions. Which brings me to the main point of this post.

Is it deceitful or back-stabbing to follow one of his followers because I am suspicious?

I just can't believe he's being honest with me. I know it could be because he's

1) He is divorced and has been for ten years, has a child with his ex out of wedlock

2) he won't let me drop him in front of his apartment because he lost his key which he hasn't tried to replace yet

3) when I got sick about two weeks ago I kept trying to contact him and he kept telling me he would get back to me and never did (I had to confront him in person and an argument ensued).

4) He claims to have had female stalkers before (potentially women he took out on dates and made similar promises to who are trying to find him)

5) He tells me he likes a certain type of woman, but the accounts he follows on social media tell another story (he follows a lot of women)

6)He told me he got along well with the 2 mothers of his children, but then recently told me if he doesn't have to communicate with them he doesn't and will use a middle man.

7) And to top it all off yesterday, he didn't seem to want to sit close to me and I caught him making a face which he quickly tried to play off as he was thinking about our previous conversation topic (which was if he would want to give up his personal space if we ever got married) in which I didn't buy.

Also he talks about getting married a lot, but I'm wondering if it's just ploy he uses to keep me in his corner. Unknown to him I'm not buying in.

This is my first relationship and sorry for making such a long list, but I just wanted to list everything that has been bothering me up until this point.

bèlla · Mar 8, 2021

It sounds like you’re in over your head. This is a lot to take on if you’re inexperienced. Your suspicions are understandable and his behavior is questionable.

I don’t think this is an ideal pairing for someone with limited experience. The probability of drama, deception, and heartache is great. Based on what you’ve shared I guarantee there’s a lot you don’t know.

Marrying him would combine your assets and make you financially responsible for child support if he can’t pay it. Not allowing you to drop him in the front of his home makes me wonder if he lives with someone.

The word that came to mind as I read your post was shady. Remove yourself from this entanglement and wait for a kindhearted believer whose lifestyle and desire to marry mirrors your own.

Don’t worry if he’s cheating or query his friends. They won’t tell you. Let him go. I see nothing but hardship and pain with this pairing. I know the type. Get out while you can

Yours in His Service,

~bella

Elliewaves · Mar 9, 2021

If you don't trust someone and can not, then you don't need to be with them. Honestly, between this and your other post it sounds a bit like he's trying to be with you because you are younger and this is your first relationship. Like he's looking for someone that won't question him. I could be wrong of course, none of us online can know the complete picture. Just be careful, at 2 months in- it should be fun and exciting and easy. Being this suspicious , this early, just sounds like a lot of work and if someone won't be completely honest and gives you reason to doubt- there's a reason for that. Also he shouldn't be pushing marriage this early on; it really sounds like he's trying to lock you down before you learn the full truth or question things.

St. Helens · Mar 9, 2021

ADMIN HAT ON

If you are married you should not be posting in this forum. This forum is for Courting Couples.
ADMIN HAT OFF

Dr. Gluckenstein · Aug 3, 2021

I definitely think it's possible that he may be taking advantage of the fact that this is your first relationship. This man seems like a deceiver and a narcissist, but ignoring that for now, if he can't even afford you the decency and courtesy of responding to your messages, then he is indeed being disrespectful of you. I think he's wasting your time. Show him compassion, pure compassion, and see how he reacts. I wouldn't recommend staying with him because it seems like he's made himself a mess he doesn't know how to deal with yet.

Soyeong · Aug 3, 2021

BrokenSpirit88 said:
I am in a brand new relationship, we've only been together for two months, and I just can't seem to bring myself to fully trust him. It's gotten to the point where I feel like I'm looking for something to answer my questions. Which brings me to the main point of this post.

Is it deceitful or back-stabbing to follow one of his followers because I am suspicious?

I just can't believe he's being honest with me. I know it could be because he's

1) He is divorced and has been for ten years, has a child with his ex out of wedlock

2) he won't let me drop him in front of his apartment because he lost his key which he hasn't tried to replace yet

3) when I got sick about two weeks ago I kept trying to contact him and he kept telling me he would get back to me and never did (I had to confront him in person and an argument ensued).

4) He claims to have had female stalkers before (potentially women he took out on dates and made similar promises to who are trying to find him)

5) He tells me he likes a certain type of woman, but the accounts he follows on social media tell another story (he follows a lot of women)

6)He told me he got along well with the 2 mothers of his children, but then recently told me if he doesn't have to communicate with them he doesn't and will use a middle man.

7) And to top it all off yesterday, he didn't seem to want to sit close to me and I caught him making a face which he quickly tried to play off as he was thinking about our previous conversation topic (which was if he would want to give up his personal space if we ever got married) in which I didn't buy.

Also he talks about getting married a lot, but I'm wondering if it's just ploy he uses to keep me in his corner. Unknown to him I'm not buying in.

This is my first relationship and sorry for making such a long list, but I just wanted to list everything that has been bothering me up until this point.

Trust is something that is built overtime, so as you are just getting to know him, there is nothing wrong with being suspicious of things that look suspicious, and it wouldn't hurt to do a background check on him if you plan to continue in your relationship with him, though I don't recommend that. As someone who has never been in a relationship before this, you should primarily be looking for men who are single and never divorced. Divorced men who don't have children are next, but they can still have baggage from their previous relationships, things that they might need to heal from, or behaviors that led to their divorce that they need to change. A divorced man with kids adds a whole other dimension because it's not just forming a relationship with him, but also with his children, who he might give priority to, or who might not accept you as their step-mother, and this is only further complicated if his exes are still in the picture, especially if he has a bad relationship with those exes. It's just generally not a good idea, though it might work out if you find a real gem of a guy, but that is not what this guy looks like, and some of what you described is highly suspicious that is just going to lead to pain. As your first relationship, you should be able to do better than this.

Northwest. · Mar 16, 2022

You shared a list of red flags, I suggest moving on for the simple fact you can't trust him. If you don't have trust you have nothing. Title ain't nothing if the story don't match it.

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Is it deceitful or back-back stabbing?

BrokenSpirit88

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bèlla

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Elliewaves

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St. Helens

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Dr. Gluckenstein

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