I have been afraid to write about this situation in too much detail here ... but now I will take the chance given that it's so serious...
This is about someone who for a while was one of my closest friends. We met at church, where she was an usher. I stayed at the church where I met her for a few years. Many negative things happened to me there. Such as the Pastor's daughter setting her father and mother against me and painting me as being divisive and oppositional, all because I liked hymns and at times suggested them (when asked for my opinion and input as a worship team member) and they preferred CCM, wanting to be a hip/cool church catering to young people. In the end, the reverend of the church broke my confidence to the Pastor and told him I wanted to leave without my knowledge after I spoke to her about it and asked for her help talking to him. He called me and dismissed me in a 2.5 minute conversation and wished me well on my way. Given all of the hurt I had been through personally at the church and seeing what other people also were put through, I never went back to the church.
My friend was also hurt through the negative actions of the leaders of that church and ended up leaving some time later. There was a fiasco in the church before I left. Her best friend and best friend's fiance ended up getting pregnant (they were baby Christians, new in their faith and trying to serve God). The Pastor and other church leaders had the couple come up in the front of the church and publicly apologize for their pregnancy - after a very dramatic service and sermon about sin. This also followed a major Sunday where the Pastor had invited everyone to talk about ways they had been hurt by the church and open up so that these hurts could be addressed..... Two other pregnancies followed - a teenager, and the same Pastor's daughter who I mentioned before. The teenager was forced to go on the altar and apologize. The Pastor's daughter was given a free pass AND the baby's birth was publicly announced via email and on the pulpit - this was not the case for the other 2 pregnancies. People fled the church following this event.
My friend was not rooted anywhere for a while. I understood the importance of being part of a church and always advised her to find a church so that she wouldn't be a lone sheep vulnerable to be devoured by wolves. She was my prayer partner, we encouraged each other with the word of God, we did evangelism together by handing out tracts and talking to people. She was my good sister in Christ.
She began coming to my church and was doing well for a while with praying and reading her Bible, maintaining her personal relationship with Christ, and even was beginning to be active in my church as a leader. I attend a very small church and I am VERY VERY active in my church. Some months down the line she began to start acting funny with me and I noticed she was becoming a negative influence in my life. I began to pull away because I didn't want the negative influence, but I tried to remain friends. Things became worse. She had a lot of issues and made excuses about not wanting to communicate. She was acting more and more funny. At one point she expressed the need to talk and we did sit down and have a heart to heart. I told her about her funny behavior and she acknowledged some things. I encouraged her, as always, with the word of God. She had some tough family situations and I talked to her about how God shapes us in those situations as we walk with Him. After the heart to heart, she was continuing to be distant and funny. Our friendship and communication suffered. A few weeks later, she met a man who attended a birthday party at my church. The birthday party was for the choir director. She began going out with the man immediately. She attended his church with him and brought him to our church with her. My spirit never felt right about him.
Later I would discover that the man was married (separated, wife in another country). I would discover that my friend knew early on in their dating that he was married and the wife wanted to make things work with her husband. However, my friend came along and began dating him, bringing further separation between the husband and wife. Months and months later, my friend told me all of this information either directly or indirectly (there were some lies/subterfuge - she was never too frank about everything). When she told me this, she was several months pregnant.
Right before the baby was born, I would discover, through an ex, that the choir director was married, and had been committing adultery with every man in the church she could get her hands on. The man my friend met was the brother of the choir director's ex-boyfriend. My own ex was dating/sleeping with the choir director while we had been dating.
My question is, how do I proceed with the friendship with my friend? Given that this is adultery and I desire to live a life that honors God and given that this is some serious backsliding, I have stepped back from being close friends with her. I have not condemned her for this situation, but rather have spoken to her about repentance. Rather than letting go of the other lady's husband, she is carrying on the relationship with the baby daddy and brings him to church with her at times and has planned church events even in this fallen state of adultery. These are the reasons I have stepped back from being her friend and all of these things made me consider leaving my church.
I have decided for the time being to remain at my church (other threads have detailed parts of the situation and my difficulties in staying/wanting to leave). Given that I am so involved in the church, it would be more harmful to the church for me to leave than for me to stay. I am taking up my cross and continuing to follow Jesus in the midst of all of this. I see my friend now as a very lost soul. How do I proceed with the friendship given that I can't be close to her, seeing as how she has involved herself in adultery and I don't condone that behavior?
This is about someone who for a while was one of my closest friends. We met at church, where she was an usher. I stayed at the church where I met her for a few years. Many negative things happened to me there. Such as the Pastor's daughter setting her father and mother against me and painting me as being divisive and oppositional, all because I liked hymns and at times suggested them (when asked for my opinion and input as a worship team member) and they preferred CCM, wanting to be a hip/cool church catering to young people. In the end, the reverend of the church broke my confidence to the Pastor and told him I wanted to leave without my knowledge after I spoke to her about it and asked for her help talking to him. He called me and dismissed me in a 2.5 minute conversation and wished me well on my way. Given all of the hurt I had been through personally at the church and seeing what other people also were put through, I never went back to the church.
My friend was also hurt through the negative actions of the leaders of that church and ended up leaving some time later. There was a fiasco in the church before I left. Her best friend and best friend's fiance ended up getting pregnant (they were baby Christians, new in their faith and trying to serve God). The Pastor and other church leaders had the couple come up in the front of the church and publicly apologize for their pregnancy - after a very dramatic service and sermon about sin. This also followed a major Sunday where the Pastor had invited everyone to talk about ways they had been hurt by the church and open up so that these hurts could be addressed..... Two other pregnancies followed - a teenager, and the same Pastor's daughter who I mentioned before. The teenager was forced to go on the altar and apologize. The Pastor's daughter was given a free pass AND the baby's birth was publicly announced via email and on the pulpit - this was not the case for the other 2 pregnancies. People fled the church following this event.
My friend was not rooted anywhere for a while. I understood the importance of being part of a church and always advised her to find a church so that she wouldn't be a lone sheep vulnerable to be devoured by wolves. She was my prayer partner, we encouraged each other with the word of God, we did evangelism together by handing out tracts and talking to people. She was my good sister in Christ.
She began coming to my church and was doing well for a while with praying and reading her Bible, maintaining her personal relationship with Christ, and even was beginning to be active in my church as a leader. I attend a very small church and I am VERY VERY active in my church. Some months down the line she began to start acting funny with me and I noticed she was becoming a negative influence in my life. I began to pull away because I didn't want the negative influence, but I tried to remain friends. Things became worse. She had a lot of issues and made excuses about not wanting to communicate. She was acting more and more funny. At one point she expressed the need to talk and we did sit down and have a heart to heart. I told her about her funny behavior and she acknowledged some things. I encouraged her, as always, with the word of God. She had some tough family situations and I talked to her about how God shapes us in those situations as we walk with Him. After the heart to heart, she was continuing to be distant and funny. Our friendship and communication suffered. A few weeks later, she met a man who attended a birthday party at my church. The birthday party was for the choir director. She began going out with the man immediately. She attended his church with him and brought him to our church with her. My spirit never felt right about him.
Later I would discover that the man was married (separated, wife in another country). I would discover that my friend knew early on in their dating that he was married and the wife wanted to make things work with her husband. However, my friend came along and began dating him, bringing further separation between the husband and wife. Months and months later, my friend told me all of this information either directly or indirectly (there were some lies/subterfuge - she was never too frank about everything). When she told me this, she was several months pregnant.
Right before the baby was born, I would discover, through an ex, that the choir director was married, and had been committing adultery with every man in the church she could get her hands on. The man my friend met was the brother of the choir director's ex-boyfriend. My own ex was dating/sleeping with the choir director while we had been dating.
My question is, how do I proceed with the friendship with my friend? Given that this is adultery and I desire to live a life that honors God and given that this is some serious backsliding, I have stepped back from being close friends with her. I have not condemned her for this situation, but rather have spoken to her about repentance. Rather than letting go of the other lady's husband, she is carrying on the relationship with the baby daddy and brings him to church with her at times and has planned church events even in this fallen state of adultery. These are the reasons I have stepped back from being her friend and all of these things made me consider leaving my church.
I have decided for the time being to remain at my church (other threads have detailed parts of the situation and my difficulties in staying/wanting to leave). Given that I am so involved in the church, it would be more harmful to the church for me to leave than for me to stay. I am taking up my cross and continuing to follow Jesus in the midst of all of this. I see my friend now as a very lost soul. How do I proceed with the friendship given that I can't be close to her, seeing as how she has involved herself in adultery and I don't condone that behavior?
