Pastors, divorce and remarriage

Biblically speaking, there are 3 instances in which a Christian who was married can remarry and there be no sin involved.

1. The divorce occurred due to marital unfaithfulness.

Matthew 5:32 but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Jesus is very clear that adultery is the only acceptable reason that a married Christian can seek a divorce. It was assumed that a divorced woman would get remarried. This passage is clear - if the divorced woman gets remarried and the reason for the divorce was NOT adultery - she is committing adultery by getting remarried. Therefore, logic follows clearly, that if the divorce was due to adultery, she would NOT be committing adultery by getting remarried.

What Jesus is teaching here is that the marriage covenant is something that cannot simply be severed for any reason. It is only sexual adultery that can sever the one flesh covenant between spouses. The reason that the woman would be committing adultery by remarrying would be because she was still married! If she was not considered married in the eyes of God, then she would not be committing adultery by remarrying.

Thus, if two Christians get a divorce for any reason other than adultery, they are actually still married in the eyes of God, and getting remarried would be causing them to commit adultery, because it is assumed they would be having sexual relations with their new spouse.

2. An unbelieving spouse initiates a divorce against a Believing spouse.

1Co 7:13-15 And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.

There is something unique about a marriage between two Christians. It is a one-flesh covenant made between them and God, bound together by God. Paul clearly teaches in I Corinthians that in the case of an unequally yoked marriage, that if the unbelieving spouse wants to get a divorce, that not only is the believing spouse not doing anything sinful (they have no choice in the divorce anyway), but they are actually free to remarry.

The fact that they are free to remarry demonstrates the uniqueness and spiritual nature of a marriage that is between two Christians, held together by God.

3. A widow(er) may remarry.

Dave L said:

The marriage lasts until death. Divorce only removes people from each other's presence.

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I agree. Our culture does not see it this way. Marriage is taken so lightly today. It is heartbreaking. They just don't know. It affects the purity of the land too. I would add one thing to the life-long marriage concept. Once someone remarries, they can't ever go back to their first spouse. Playing it squeaky clean and holy in the marriage department means one spouse until someone kicks the bucket and no switcheroos followed by take backs (Mark 10:11; Luke 16:18; Deut. 24:4; Jer. 3:1.)

I like how you added later in the thread that God still forgives us whatever sinful entanglements we get ourselves into. So true. Divorced/remarried folks don't need to fret. We serve a big God.

ColoRaydo said:

Yes, we all agree that divorce is not part of God’s plan. However, I’ve seen a few videos where some pastors say you MUST get another divorce if you have been remarried and your first spouse is still alive, otherwise you’re in an unforgivable and perpetual state of adultery, even if you have a family and children with your current spouse.

Compare that with pastors who performed the marriage ceremony of the same couple above. Is that pastor also guilty of perpetuating adultery?

One pastor says “get another divorce or you can’t be forgiven”. Another pastor says, “God forgives you”.

What’s your take? Which pastor is correct?

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The pastor who tells a remarried divorced person to get a divorce or they won;t be forgiven is giving biblical advice. One cannot repent and forsake a sin that they are still committing.

ColoRaydo said:

Yes, we all agree that divorce is not part of God’s plan. However, I’ve seen a few videos where some pastors say you MUST get another divorce if you have been remarried and your first spouse is still alive, otherwise you’re in an unforgivable and perpetual state of adultery, even if you have a family and children with your current spouse.

Compare that with pastors who performed the marriage ceremony of the same couple above. Is that pastor also guilty of perpetuating adultery?

One pastor says “get another divorce or you can’t be forgiven”. Another pastor says, “God forgives you”.

What’s your take? Which pastor is correct?

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Divorce isn't part of what Jesus taught, He taught the opposite. He also taught about the adultery of re-marriage. So it seems the one pastor is forgetting that "from the beginning it is not so" regardless of this pastor's reasoning - he is not being consistent ... so don't listen.

God certainly forgives you of sin. However, I'm surprised you didn't quote a pastor who preached on asking for forgiveness of a sin you're still committing? Which is another angle.

As far as doctrines for today where divorce is common, I sometimes wonder what would become of the church institution if divorce was treated like homosexuality?

It would probably be an empty building unable to pay its bills.

So the question is, what is the application in a society that is unable to apply this aspect of the teachings?

ColoRaydo said:

Yes, we all agree that divorce is not part of God’s plan. However, I’ve seen a few videos where some pastors say you MUST get another divorce if you have been remarried and your first spouse is still alive, otherwise you’re in an unforgivable and perpetual state of adultery, even if you have a family and children with your current spouse.

Compare that with pastors who performed the marriage ceremony of the same couple above. Is that pastor also guilty of perpetuating adultery?

One pastor says “get another divorce or you can’t be forgiven”. Another pastor says, “God forgives you”.

What’s your take? Which pastor is correct?

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Well, I don’t think that divorce isn’t part of God’s plan... So that’s makes the rest of the comment irrelevant.

ColoRaydo said:

Yes, we all agree that divorce is not part of God’s plan. However, I’ve seen a few videos where some pastors say you MUST get another divorce if you have been remarried and your first spouse is still alive, otherwise you’re in an unforgivable and perpetual state of adultery, even if you have a family and children with your current spouse.

Compare that with pastors who performed the marriage ceremony of the same couple above. Is that pastor also guilty of perpetuating adultery?

One pastor says “get another divorce or you can’t be forgiven”. Another pastor says, “God forgives you”.

What’s your take? Which pastor is correct?

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Neither or both are correct, who can really tell?

I met a married couple who told me about their marriage. How their pastor was against it and tried everything to keep it from happening. A dozen or more years into their marriage it was that pastor whose marriage fell apart ending with divorce.

Sometimes a person can become so embroiled in disseminating the written word they become so heavenly minded they're of no earthly good, wanting to enforce doctrines that can lay more of an unnecessary yoke of complexity to their church than the righteousness of God.

SPF said:

Biblically speaking, there are 3 instances in which a Christian who was married can remarry and there be no sin involved.

1. The divorce occurred due to marital unfaithfulness.

Matthew 5:32 but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

2. An unbelieving spouse initiates a divorce against a Believing spouse.

1Co 7:13-15 And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.

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Have you noticed that neither 1. nor 2. actually says something about remarriage?

solid_core said:

Have you noticed that neither 1. nor 2. actually says something about remarriage?

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They both do.

In #1, a person is free to remarry if the divorce occurred because of adultery. Only adultery is capable of severing the one flesh covenant formed between two Believers.

In #2, the believing spouse is free to remarry without sinning if it was the unbelieving spouse that initiated the divorce.

SPF said:

They both do.

In #1, a person is free to remarry if the divorce occurred because of adultery. Only adultery is capable of severing the one flesh covenant formed between two Believers.

In #2, the believing spouse is free to remarry without sinning if it was the unbelieving spouse that initiated the divorce.

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Where do you see the word "remarry", exactly?

SPF said:

They both do.

In #1, a person is free to remarry if the divorce occurred because of adultery. Only adultery is capable of severing the one flesh covenant formed between two Believers.

In #2, the believing spouse is free to remarry without sinning if it was the unbelieving spouse that initiated the divorce.

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Marriage/wedding is in public commitment. Jesus turned water into wine at a marriage/wedding. It is not about having sex. The woman at the well had 5 husbands but the man she was shacking up with was not her husband.

solid_core said:

Where do you see the word "remarry", exactly?

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This is where understanding culture and context matters. I assume you don’t.

In the Matthew passage, it was assumed that the divorced woman would remarry. That’s why you have the line “makes her commit adultery”. Because if the divorce was NOT due to marital unfaithful, she is still married in God’s eyes, and therefore she commits adultery by remarrying.

In Paul’s writing, when he says that the Believing spouse who is divorced by the unbelieving spouse is “no longer under bondage”, he is saying they are free to remarry.

Dave L said:

Marriage/wedding is in public commitment. Jesus turned water into wine at a marriage/wedding. It is not about having sex. The woman at the well had 5 husbands but the man she was shacking up with was not her husband.

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And those comments don’t negate anything I’ve said so far. What’s your point? I know you like to pretend the exclusion clause doesn’t exist, and that Paul’s teaching to the Corinthians doesn’t exist either, but they’re both there in Scripture.

SPF said:

In the Matthew passage, it was assumed that the divorced woman would remarry. That’s why you have the line “makes her commit adultery”. Because if the divorce was NOT due to marital unfaithful, she is still married in God’s eyes, and therefore she commits adultery by remarrying.

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The text does not allow to remarry, the text just says that remarriage is adultery.

everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

SPF said:

In Paul’s writing, when he says that the Believing spouse who is divorced by the unbelieving spouse is “no longer under bondage”, he is saying they are free to remarry.

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What proof do you have that Paul had remarriage in mind and not just a single life? Paul explicitly said "let him go", thats all. Its a single life, not remarriage.

solid_core said:

The text does not allow to remarry, the text just says that remarriage is adultery.

everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

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The text is clear that adultery upon remarriage only occurs when the divorce was NOT due to adultery. It’s very straight forward...

“everyone who divorced his wife, except for adultery, makes her commit adultery”

Meaning that if the reason for the divorce IS adultery, then the wife getting remarried will NOT be committing adultery.

solid_core said:

What proof do you have that Paul had remarriage in mind and not just a single life? Paul explicitly said "let him go", thats all. Its a single life, not remarriage.

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Feel free to educate yourself and do a word study on what Paul meant by not being under “bondage”.

He means the bondage of the marriage. She is free, she is not married in the eyes of God.

There is nothing else it can mean.

SPF said:

And those comments don’t negate anything I’ve said so far. What’s your point? I know you like to pretend the exclusion clause doesn’t exist, and that Paul’s teaching to the Corinthians doesn’t exist either, but they’re both there in Scripture.

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You need to consider these basic truths so you know what constitutes a marriage/wedding for sake of clarity. Thanks? You're welcome.

HappyHope said:

I like how you added later in the thread that God still forgives us whatever sinful entanglements we get ourselves into.

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Blind post, and Dave L may have already addressed this, but that isn't what he meant.

SPF said:

The text is clear that adultery upon remarriage only occurs when the divorce was NOT due to adultery. It’s very straight forward...

“everyone who divorced his wife, except for adultery, makes her commit adultery”

Meaning that if the reason for the divorce IS adultery, then the wife getting remarried will NOT be committing adultery.

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The text just says that if man divorces his wife without a proper reason, he is the cause of her future adultery.

The text does not say that a woman can freely remarry in other cases. Its always adultery as the rest of the verse says:
"whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery" (notice the "a" here, not "the")

SPF said:

Feel free to educate yourself and do a word study on what Paul meant by not being under “bondage”.
He means the bondage of the marriage. She is free, she is not married in the eyes of God.
There is nothing else it can mean.

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Of course there is something else it can mean - that she can stay single. Also, consider that Paul says that a woman is bound to her husband till he lives. Let us not make him contradict himself.

To the OP, you can read answers to your questions here:

Bible Teachings and Bible Messages.

ColoRaydo said:

Yes, we all agree that divorce is not part of God’s plan. However, I’ve seen a few videos where some pastors say you MUST get another divorce if you have been remarried and your first spouse is still alive, otherwise you’re in an unforgivable and perpetual state of adultery, even if you have a family and children with your current spouse.

Compare that with pastors who performed the marriage ceremony of the same couple above. Is that pastor also guilty of perpetuating adultery?

One pastor says “get another divorce or you can’t be forgiven”. Another pastor says, “God forgives you”.

What’s your take? Which pastor is correct?

Click to expand...

It really all depends upon the circumstances of the divorce on the part of either one or both of the people getting married to determine whether or not the dissolution of their previous marriages was scripturally justified. There are only two exceptions to which divorce and remarriage are acceptable in the eyes of God:


1) One of the spouses commits adultery. (Mt. 19:9)

2) One spouse gives themselves to Christ and the other spouse who refuses to do so leaves the converted spouse. (1 Cor. 7:12-15)


Remarriage is not adulterous if a divorce occurs under either one of the aforementioned circumstances though either one or both tend to be overlooked or even dismissed, and wrongfully so, by some Christians and denominations.

Divorce and remarriage is sin under any other circumstances is sin as made clear in the scriptures, but as to what happens when a man or woman divorces their spouse and then remarries regardless scripture does give us insight as to what must be done, even when the sin is confessed and repented of.


"They say, If a man put away his wife, and she go from him, and become another man's, shall he return unto her again? Shall not that land be greatly polluted?" (Jer. 3:1)


The only thing that can be done is simply not to perpetuate the transgression any further.
As for what a Pastor should do, obviously they should not be doing anything or giving any counsel that clearly perpetuates sin or leads people into sin and that includes remarriage after a divorce apart from the two exceptions permitted in scripture. To simply state that "all sins are forgiven" is not, as has been increasingly propagated, intended to justify continuous sin (Rom. 6) against which we are warned (Heb. 10:26) and those who attempt to justify deliberate sin by stating they are under grace or even teach such are going to pay dearly for all of eternity in the day of judgment.

If I were a Pastor, which I am not, and if a couple were to come to me and told me that either one or both had been divorced, and were wanting me to preside over their wedding, I would want to know why their previous marriages ended. If there previous marriages ended for reasons apart from the excepted circumstances cited in scripture, I would simply refuse to preside over their wedding and instead encourage them to, if at all possible, to reconcile to their previous spouses providing that their previous spouses are alive and have not themselves remarried.

If their marriages had ended due to religious differences, an adulterous affair, or if their spouses have already remarried, then I would not see a problem presiding over their wedding because reconciliation to the previous spouses would be impossible.

But in any case, because I know that I will have to give an account before God for what counsel I give, I would want to take care to not give advice that would encourage perpetual sin, but instead counsel that encourages repentance and the cessation of perpetuating sin any further.

solid_core said:

The text just says that if man divorces his wife without a proper reason, he is the cause of her future adultery.

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Incorrect. The text says that “everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery;“

This means that “everyone who divorces his wife for the reason of unchastity, does not make her commit adultery”

The exception clause is there specifically because it is the one action that can sever the one flesh marriage covenant.

If Christians get a divorce for any reason other than adultery, they are called to remain single. Why are they called to remain single? It is because getting a divorce on paper for any reason other than adultery does not sever the one flesh covenant and they are actually still married.

This is why they commit adultery upon remarriage - they are still married!

However, adultery, the ultimate physical violation within a one-flesh covenant can sever and break it. Therefore, if reconciliation is not possible and a divorce occurs because of adultery - then they are free to remarry because they are actually no longer married.

solid_core said:

Also, consider that Paul says that a woman is bound to her husband till he lives

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Correct, he says this because the Believing spouse is called to honor their commitment.

Sinners are going to act according to their nature - and sin. We don’t hold non-Christians accountable because we expect them to sin, they’re literally supposed to.

In an unequally yoked marriage Paul tells the believing spouse that if the unbelieving spouse is willing to stay in the marriage, that they are called to honor their commitment.

However, if the unbelieving spouse wants nothing more to do with the marriage, then that’s ok, we wouldn’t expect them to act otherwise. And God says that the believing spouse is no longer under bondage. They are freed and can look to marry a believing spouse.