I'd be curious to know what scriptural basis there is for confessing one's sins to a clergy member.
"If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. "
It doesn't say were are to confess our sins to men, but to God. Now, if in our sin we have harmed somebody, we are still responsible for restitution. Confessing and receiving forgiveness from God, does not remove our responsibilities. If a man confesses his adultery to the clergy and continues to commit adultery, he hasn't truly repented anyway. His confession is worthless. He has to come clean with his wife and he has to repent - stop sinning. That's what that word means.
This may be a bit secular
Many years ago I had an affair, I did it because I wanted to, there was nothing my wife did, or failed to do that justified my behavior. I came clean to my wife about what happened, and it was crushing. As you might guess, she went out and had an affair "out of vengeance" I found out about it, and it was crushing to me as well.
My wife has never taken full responsibility for her decision, and never will. It took about five years before we could stop the tit for tat, retaliations. I was in the Navy at that time, and I spent almost three years separated from her and the kids, and that helped. We are at a point now, 30 years later, where we can live together, and enjoy each other's company. Speaking for myself, I don't really trust her, I'm just as happy without her around. I care about her, but there is no respect, or trust, and at this point I don't really expect anything to change.
Sorry about the long post, but nothing good came from telling my wife about the affair, nothing, I was ending the affair, I know I needed to get right with God, and I regret what I did, but mostly I regret telling my wife. I should have taken it to the grave.