Question for those in ministry

There should be a hashtag for #ThingsTheyDidn'tTeachUsInSeminary.

Sure. There are times when people bring things and I don't know how to respond.

What I've tried to learn to do is not to try to appear that I have an answer to everything, but to listen, explore, and be honest if I don't have a good response. And be prepared to go and look for answers afterwards.

So I think there's always learning to be had, if you're open to listening and reflecting and observing your own blind spots.

Paidiske said:

There should be a hashtag for #ThingsTheyDidn'tTeachUsInSeminary.

Sure. There are times when people bring things and I don't know how to respond.

What I've tried to learn to do is not to try to appear that I have an answer to everything, but to listen, explore, and be honest if I don't have a good response. And be prepared to go and look for answers afterwards.

So I think there's always learning to be had, if you're open to listening and reflecting and observing your own blind spots.

Click to expand...

Many moons ago, when I did my five Licenciate of Theology papers through St John's in Auckland (while I was with my local Anglican church) I did the pastoral care paper. My major was Crisis Counselling for the first half, and a practicum for the second half. What I did was to assist a lady who had a number of issues, and I spent two hours a week doing not much more than just listening to her. I had read Carl Roger's book at that time, so I was basing my counselling on what he taught about the value of listening and not giving advice. So I did that for six months, and when I wrote my report, I had to say that we did not come to any final conclusion or completion where there was a definite outcome. But it was the six month journey of being a listener, and it was the first time that anyone had actually taken the time to actually listen to her and allow her to talk herself out (catharsis). I got an A for that paper.

It is interesting to note that after relocating to another city, I heard months later that the lady was so impressed with the way I counselled her, that she started counselling others in her church in the same way and said that it was very effective in helping others! That blew me away, because I didn't realise that just listening to her for six months had such a dynamic effect on her.

Most of what she said, I could never have advised her, because I was in my early 30s, and had no experience to advise her on any of the issues that she was grappling with. But she certainly felt that I had helped her by just listening to her. I know that Carl Rogers has some issues which might have problems with Christian believers, but his emphasis on listening and feeding back is certainly effective for many people.

Paidiske said:

There should be a hashtag for #ThingsTheyDidn'tTeachUsInSeminary.

Sure. There are times when people bring things and I don't know how to respond.

What I've tried to learn to do is not to try to appear that I have an answer to everything, but to listen, explore, and be honest if I don't have a good response. And be prepared to go and look for answers afterwards.

So I think there's always learning to be had, if you're open to listening and reflecting and observing your own blind spots.

Click to expand...

Oscarr said:

Many moons ago, when I did my five Licenciate of Theology papers through St John's in Auckland (while I was with my local Anglican church) I did the pastoral care paper. My major was Crisis Counselling for the first half, and a practicum for the second half. What I did was to assist a lady who had a number of issues, and I spent two hours a week doing not much more than just listening to her. I had read Carl Roger's book at that time, so I was basing my counselling on what he taught about the value of listening and not giving advice. So I did that for six months, and when I wrote my report, I had to say that we did not come to any final conclusion or completion where there was a definite outcome. But it was the six month journey of being a listener, and it was the first time that anyone had actually taken the time to actually listen to her and allow her to talk herself out (catharsis). I got an A for that paper.

It is interesting to note that after relocating to another city, I heard months later that the lady was so impressed with the way I counselled her, that she started counselling others in her church in the same way and said that it was very effective in helping others! That blew me away, because I didn't realise that just listening to her for six months had such a dynamic effect on her.

Most of what she said, I could never have advised her, because I was in my early 30s, and had no experience to advise her on any of the issues that she was grappling with. But she certainly felt that I had helped her by just listening to her. I know that Carl Rogers has some issues which might have problems with Christian believers, but his emphasis on listening and feeding back is certainly effective for many people.

Click to expand...

Listening skills is the best skill that must be outcome of our Love to people. The more you listen, the more you can be effective in evangelizing/ discipling someone.

There's a lot of preacher really good in preaching but not in listening.

I feel that way daily. I'm the Executive Director of a Christian crisis pregnancy counseling ministry, and I joke with my staff on a regular basis that I don't know why we bothered to train for this job, because every client that comes through our doors is dealing with something we've never heard of and is waaaayy beyond the scope of our abilities. If we were only dealing with crisis pregnancy, that would be plenty, but the clients we see have layer upon layer of trauma, family dysfunction, sexual abuse/misuse, substance abuse, domestic abuse, and absolutely no moral compass or boundaries to protect them. I literally sit at my desk and Google the things they've shared with me at times to see if that's actually a thing, because the evil in this world just keeps evolving and compacting.

Although we do have specialized counselors we can refer to for sexual trauma (i.e. rape and incest), neonatal loss, etc., many of our clients ask if they can just keep coming to us, because we are the first ones who have ever taken the time to just sit with them and listen without judgment, and they feel safe for the first time in their lives. It's heartbreaking.

When I first accepted this role, I really struggled with Imposter Syndrome, and the standing joke is that I quit every two weeks for the first year. I am so very not equipped for this task, and I know it.

I also know that God equips those He calls, and that gives me hope, strength, and courage to stay close to Him, the Source of any good that comes from me.

It is the most humbling and encouraging thing to see a client come back months later, after the crisis has passed, and witness the emotional growth that has happened, and to know that we were able to be a part of it, even with our feelings of ineptitude. I had a situation like that today, when a very young teenage girl that I had referred to someone else months ago because I felt they would be better equipped to help her came back and asked me to be at the hospital when she delivers her baby in a few weeks.

Just sitting with someone in their crisis does more good than all the polished words in the world. Just knowing that someone cares enough to listen and be there for them means more than any program ever could.