Hello everyone,
Will try and keep this concise. Married twelve years. Wife is from northern europe, difficult upbringing. We have had a lot of disappointments in life. Adopted our son, was recently dx'ed with FASD (fetal alcohol), which is challenging to deal with.
My wife has struggled with mental illness since a young age. Been involved in several serious accidents, including one without restraints. She has been dx'ed with many different things, but would always tell the doctor she was anxious or depressed, so that is what they treated her for. A lot of the medications drove her into a mixed-state, or hypomania. Looking back on our marriage, I would think most of the time she has been in a mixed-state or hypomanic.
About 2.5 months of our time together, my wife has been stable, but shortly after that time, the follow-up was dropped (consultant psych), and she slowly degraded mentally.
Recently seen new psych. I wrote a letter, and psych accepted it, and the doc believes she is bipolar. Started a new medication regimen.
I walk on eggshells constantly, anything good/bad can cause an episode, due to dysregulation. She has moments of clarity, but she always thinks she can "power through" things. The yelling and screaming is very difficult to take, and my nerves are shot. I have educated myself on dealing with high-conflict people, such as validation and support, but it is exhausting.
She doesn't remember a lot of things, or historical facts are construed. I also suspect a brain injury from those serious accidents, but she has dropped the ball in going to her MD to get the referral. If I push too hard, she will have an episode.
She also wishes to make changes, or to move constantly, and sometimes back to her home country, but then makes long term plans that suggest the opposite, which is trying.
I have talked with our pastor and his wife, and they are understanding, but I don't think people can grasp the severity, unless they are part of it. Her family never recognized the true scope of her struggles.
When my wife is truly volatile and dysregulated, I just don't know what to do anymore. I employ the strategies, but I am so tired. I feel so stuck, because if we ever divorced (no plans), my son would suffer greatly, he is so emotionally fragile. Moving abroad would be financially devastating, but then again, maybe it would force her family to own up to the situation, but there is no guarantees. I don't speak the local language.
Sometimes I even fear to go cut the lawn, it can be that bad. People tell me to hold out for the new medication to take effect, but then again, I haven't had respite in 12 years, because she just falls apart. It is so difficult. I also fear to take my son, when things are volatile, and leave for a motel, because when she is that irrational, she can accuse me of kidnapping or something.
Will try and keep this concise. Married twelve years. Wife is from northern europe, difficult upbringing. We have had a lot of disappointments in life. Adopted our son, was recently dx'ed with FASD (fetal alcohol), which is challenging to deal with.
My wife has struggled with mental illness since a young age. Been involved in several serious accidents, including one without restraints. She has been dx'ed with many different things, but would always tell the doctor she was anxious or depressed, so that is what they treated her for. A lot of the medications drove her into a mixed-state, or hypomania. Looking back on our marriage, I would think most of the time she has been in a mixed-state or hypomanic.
About 2.5 months of our time together, my wife has been stable, but shortly after that time, the follow-up was dropped (consultant psych), and she slowly degraded mentally.
Recently seen new psych. I wrote a letter, and psych accepted it, and the doc believes she is bipolar. Started a new medication regimen.
I walk on eggshells constantly, anything good/bad can cause an episode, due to dysregulation. She has moments of clarity, but she always thinks she can "power through" things. The yelling and screaming is very difficult to take, and my nerves are shot. I have educated myself on dealing with high-conflict people, such as validation and support, but it is exhausting.
She doesn't remember a lot of things, or historical facts are construed. I also suspect a brain injury from those serious accidents, but she has dropped the ball in going to her MD to get the referral. If I push too hard, she will have an episode.
She also wishes to make changes, or to move constantly, and sometimes back to her home country, but then makes long term plans that suggest the opposite, which is trying.
I have talked with our pastor and his wife, and they are understanding, but I don't think people can grasp the severity, unless they are part of it. Her family never recognized the true scope of her struggles.
When my wife is truly volatile and dysregulated, I just don't know what to do anymore. I employ the strategies, but I am so tired. I feel so stuck, because if we ever divorced (no plans), my son would suffer greatly, he is so emotionally fragile. Moving abroad would be financially devastating, but then again, maybe it would force her family to own up to the situation, but there is no guarantees. I don't speak the local language.
Sometimes I even fear to go cut the lawn, it can be that bad. People tell me to hold out for the new medication to take effect, but then again, I haven't had respite in 12 years, because she just falls apart. It is so difficult. I also fear to take my son, when things are volatile, and leave for a motel, because when she is that irrational, she can accuse me of kidnapping or something.
