- Jun 12, 2019
- 7
- 1
- 33
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Single
[Disclaimer: I don't have too much time to edit this. My apologies for any sloppy writing or grammatical errors that may cause confusion.]
Preface
I used to be "spiritually conservative." I would be skeptical when people would say things like "God put xyz on my heart," or "God told me to do xyz." I figured that God was mostly a silent God, and that it was up to our wisdom and knowledge to navigate difficult life choices, so long as said choices were congruent with scripture.
I've changed my mind since and have become more "spiritually open," for the lack of a better term. After graduating from college I endured a difficult five-year season of tribulation, and my faith deteriorated. Fortunately God healed me and rebuilt me into a better, stronger Christian. During that healing process I heard Him speak to me - literally - on a few occasions and once, while wide awake, He gave me a prophetic vision.
However, this whole discerning-the-will-of-God thing is something I largely don't understand. I don't always know what His will is unless he literally speaks to me, and beyond the four times He has I don't expect it to be a regular thing. Moreover, I understand that God speaks to different people in different ways - so it's not a one-size-fits-all premise.
That being said, I remember reading a synopsis to a Lana Vawser book titled, "The Prophetic Voice of God: Learning to Recognize the Language of the Holy Spirit." In the synopsis Lana wrote that God sometimes speaks to us through events that are seemingly coincidental. I decided to keep that in mind as I'm confident that God has spoken to me this way once before in my life.
With that in mind - let's get into the choice I'm faced with.
The Issue: I need to decide between two seemingly great women to pursue.
Now that God has rebuilt me I've decided to reenter the world of dating. This leads us into the coincidence in question.
The First Girl.
Last Christmas my step-cousin asked me what my plans were for New Year's Eve. Strangely, my friends and I did not make any solid plans yet. I told her I didn't have any. So she invited me to a party at her place - which she has never done before. I showed up and she introduced me to her best friend since grade school - we'll call her Jenn. I noticed she was immediately attracted to me (she accidentally made it obvious), and I thought she was kinda cute. So we chatted for a bit. Needless to say she impressed me. And about ten minutes into the conversation I could sense that the Holy Spirit lived in her - yet we never discussed religion or mentioned God. In fact, the two of us were probably the only Christians at this entire party.
I decided that I would ask her out to coffee. This is the first time in my life I ever decided to ask someone out that I had just met. This behavior is atypical of me. However, before I left the party I couldn't find her, so I left without asking. For the next several days she would randomly pop in my mind, and I would think to myself that I should have searched for her more before leaving.
During this time I was attending three different bible studies. I intended to drop one of them. I made the decision to go back to law school, and going to three different bible groups during the week would have been too much. If I'm going to be part of one, I want to be intentful and develop meaningful relationships. With law school, I would inevitably half-ass one or two of them.
So I decided which one I was going to drop. Initially I planned on appearing one final time to say goodbye to everyone and explain why I won't be returning. But it was a busy week, so I figured it would be easier to text-message the leader with an explanation. However, as I began typing the text message I got this strong gut feeling telling me to go - so I did.
Coincidentally, when I arrived Jenn was also there for her first time. Keep in mind the population of the city I live in is about 500,000 and the greater metro area is about 900,000. I wondered to myself if this was truly a coincidence or not, keeping in mind the synopsis to Vawser's book. The old-me would have shrugged it off as coincidence. Either way, I decided stay with this bible study and to play it slow for a few reasons: (1) I've always seen bible study as a safe haven from worldly drama, so to speak, so I didn't want to make a hasty decision that would jeopardize that; (2) I suddenly became filled with anxiety every time I talked with Jenn, which made her a bit uncomfortable; and (3) being patient is generally not a bad thing to be. However, I began to question whether we were compatible and whether she would ever be interested in me. So while praying I told God: "If this is really a part of your plan, I know you'll make it happen; otherwise, it won't and I'm fine with that. For now I'm going to sit back and let you take the steering wheel." I also began to figure it was, in fact, just a coincidence, or that maybe there was another reason God wanted me to stay in this bible study.
Recently, Jen has been initiating conversations with me and I've noticed that she has grown interested in me (it's been obvious). Moreover, I've realized our personalities indeed work well with one another. But within the same week or so I realized another girl - at the same bible study - became interested in me.
The Second Girl
To start this section off, I need to admit that I do have a small problem. I've been working on this problem for the past year. Ever since I was a teenager I've often felt really comfortable being around girls and talking to them. This leads me to accidentally flirt with girls when I don't intend to. In my mind, I'm just being friendly. By that same token, oftentimes when girls flirt with me I think they are just being friendly too. This isn't limited to just girls that I think are attractive. Recently a female friend of mine jokingly told me that I've probably flirted with "every female I've ever talked to." Regardless, I've become more cognizant of this and I've been trying to better regulate my behavior around women.
Back to the second girl - let's call her Aly. Initially I was in no way interested in Aly. She dresses professionally for work so for the first 2 months at bible study she wore high heels every night. I didn't notice she wore high heels, and she is already slightly taller than me. So my brain just processed her as being way too tall for me to date (I mean, she really does tower over me with heels on). From the onset Aly and I have had good chemistry, but in my mind we were always just being friendly with each other. She also has a charismatic personality so it's difficult to tell when she's romantically interested in someone. Needless to say, one night, I thought to myself, "whichever guy ends up with Aly is going to be totally blessed by her, because she seems like such a great catch." I still wasn't interested in her though. I was merely making an observation in my mind.
The Dilemma.
When it finally clicked in my brain that Aly was actually super interested in me I panicked. I thought "Oh crap, I accidentally flirted with someone again." Moreover, the whole issue of discerning God's will aside, both Jenn and Aly seem terrific, and after getting to know them both since January I can sense that they both are genuinely pursuing Jesus Christ.
However, I decided to ask Jenn out ASAP. Because even if I don't know if that's God's will, I think and feel that it's a possibility. Therefore, I should act on that. Thus, I decided to ask Jenn to coffee the next time I saw her at bible study. However, she wasn't there. Then bible study was cancelled for two weeks. Then Jenn didn't show up the next week or the week after that. Meanwhile, some of us in the group have been hanging out over the weekends, Aly included. There was this awkward tension between Aly and myself now, because she can tell that I've changed my behavior around her (I've been trying hard not to lead her on and act flirty). Despite this, we had fun hanging out as a group outside of bible study, and it also allowed me to meet Aly's sisters and friends - which gave me more confidence in the person I figured she was.
Moreover, the last 6 weeks has given me time to think and consult the Christian men/friends in my life. Of course, I received different opinions and advise, but no one I asked seemed to be leaning towards Jenn on the basis of this "coincidence." The opinion that stuck out the most was the possibility that God is giving me a choice between the two - maybe because that's what I wanted to hear. Needless to say, that's the premise that I based my decision off of, that I can chose either one.
It was still a difficult choice. On one hand, I had a gut feeling that Jenn and I had more compatible personality types. However, that's just a gut feeling. Plus, Jenn has been absent from group for nearly two months. On the other hand, I know that Aly has certain qualities that I'm looking for. Most notably, she strives to foster a sense of community at our bible study and seeks out opportunities for our friendships extend beyond the one time a week that we meet for group - unlike Jenn.
So, I decided to ask Aly out to coffee, and she happily agreed to. However, there is a part of me that still feels conflicted. Aly and me are scheduled to go out this weekend. Of course, if Aly and Jenn were in the same bible study I could buy more time, maybe go out to coffee with both of them. But spending more time with them separately, given the circumstances, would be impossible to navigate and inappropriate.
From this point forward I intend to go with the flow. I'm trying not going to force anything or to take control. I'm leaving it to God and I pray that I will be willing to listen to Him and discern His will.
For the time being, I ask two things from the members of this forum. First, what are your thoughts, opinions, and advice? Second, please pray that God will give me wisdom.
God Bless
Preface
I used to be "spiritually conservative." I would be skeptical when people would say things like "God put xyz on my heart," or "God told me to do xyz." I figured that God was mostly a silent God, and that it was up to our wisdom and knowledge to navigate difficult life choices, so long as said choices were congruent with scripture.
I've changed my mind since and have become more "spiritually open," for the lack of a better term. After graduating from college I endured a difficult five-year season of tribulation, and my faith deteriorated. Fortunately God healed me and rebuilt me into a better, stronger Christian. During that healing process I heard Him speak to me - literally - on a few occasions and once, while wide awake, He gave me a prophetic vision.
However, this whole discerning-the-will-of-God thing is something I largely don't understand. I don't always know what His will is unless he literally speaks to me, and beyond the four times He has I don't expect it to be a regular thing. Moreover, I understand that God speaks to different people in different ways - so it's not a one-size-fits-all premise.
That being said, I remember reading a synopsis to a Lana Vawser book titled, "The Prophetic Voice of God: Learning to Recognize the Language of the Holy Spirit." In the synopsis Lana wrote that God sometimes speaks to us through events that are seemingly coincidental. I decided to keep that in mind as I'm confident that God has spoken to me this way once before in my life.
With that in mind - let's get into the choice I'm faced with.
The Issue: I need to decide between two seemingly great women to pursue.
Now that God has rebuilt me I've decided to reenter the world of dating. This leads us into the coincidence in question.
The First Girl.
Last Christmas my step-cousin asked me what my plans were for New Year's Eve. Strangely, my friends and I did not make any solid plans yet. I told her I didn't have any. So she invited me to a party at her place - which she has never done before. I showed up and she introduced me to her best friend since grade school - we'll call her Jenn. I noticed she was immediately attracted to me (she accidentally made it obvious), and I thought she was kinda cute. So we chatted for a bit. Needless to say she impressed me. And about ten minutes into the conversation I could sense that the Holy Spirit lived in her - yet we never discussed religion or mentioned God. In fact, the two of us were probably the only Christians at this entire party.
I decided that I would ask her out to coffee. This is the first time in my life I ever decided to ask someone out that I had just met. This behavior is atypical of me. However, before I left the party I couldn't find her, so I left without asking. For the next several days she would randomly pop in my mind, and I would think to myself that I should have searched for her more before leaving.
During this time I was attending three different bible studies. I intended to drop one of them. I made the decision to go back to law school, and going to three different bible groups during the week would have been too much. If I'm going to be part of one, I want to be intentful and develop meaningful relationships. With law school, I would inevitably half-ass one or two of them.
So I decided which one I was going to drop. Initially I planned on appearing one final time to say goodbye to everyone and explain why I won't be returning. But it was a busy week, so I figured it would be easier to text-message the leader with an explanation. However, as I began typing the text message I got this strong gut feeling telling me to go - so I did.
Coincidentally, when I arrived Jenn was also there for her first time. Keep in mind the population of the city I live in is about 500,000 and the greater metro area is about 900,000. I wondered to myself if this was truly a coincidence or not, keeping in mind the synopsis to Vawser's book. The old-me would have shrugged it off as coincidence. Either way, I decided stay with this bible study and to play it slow for a few reasons: (1) I've always seen bible study as a safe haven from worldly drama, so to speak, so I didn't want to make a hasty decision that would jeopardize that; (2) I suddenly became filled with anxiety every time I talked with Jenn, which made her a bit uncomfortable; and (3) being patient is generally not a bad thing to be. However, I began to question whether we were compatible and whether she would ever be interested in me. So while praying I told God: "If this is really a part of your plan, I know you'll make it happen; otherwise, it won't and I'm fine with that. For now I'm going to sit back and let you take the steering wheel." I also began to figure it was, in fact, just a coincidence, or that maybe there was another reason God wanted me to stay in this bible study.
Recently, Jen has been initiating conversations with me and I've noticed that she has grown interested in me (it's been obvious). Moreover, I've realized our personalities indeed work well with one another. But within the same week or so I realized another girl - at the same bible study - became interested in me.
The Second Girl
To start this section off, I need to admit that I do have a small problem. I've been working on this problem for the past year. Ever since I was a teenager I've often felt really comfortable being around girls and talking to them. This leads me to accidentally flirt with girls when I don't intend to. In my mind, I'm just being friendly. By that same token, oftentimes when girls flirt with me I think they are just being friendly too. This isn't limited to just girls that I think are attractive. Recently a female friend of mine jokingly told me that I've probably flirted with "every female I've ever talked to." Regardless, I've become more cognizant of this and I've been trying to better regulate my behavior around women.
Back to the second girl - let's call her Aly. Initially I was in no way interested in Aly. She dresses professionally for work so for the first 2 months at bible study she wore high heels every night. I didn't notice she wore high heels, and she is already slightly taller than me. So my brain just processed her as being way too tall for me to date (I mean, she really does tower over me with heels on). From the onset Aly and I have had good chemistry, but in my mind we were always just being friendly with each other. She also has a charismatic personality so it's difficult to tell when she's romantically interested in someone. Needless to say, one night, I thought to myself, "whichever guy ends up with Aly is going to be totally blessed by her, because she seems like such a great catch." I still wasn't interested in her though. I was merely making an observation in my mind.
The Dilemma.
When it finally clicked in my brain that Aly was actually super interested in me I panicked. I thought "Oh crap, I accidentally flirted with someone again." Moreover, the whole issue of discerning God's will aside, both Jenn and Aly seem terrific, and after getting to know them both since January I can sense that they both are genuinely pursuing Jesus Christ.
However, I decided to ask Jenn out ASAP. Because even if I don't know if that's God's will, I think and feel that it's a possibility. Therefore, I should act on that. Thus, I decided to ask Jenn to coffee the next time I saw her at bible study. However, she wasn't there. Then bible study was cancelled for two weeks. Then Jenn didn't show up the next week or the week after that. Meanwhile, some of us in the group have been hanging out over the weekends, Aly included. There was this awkward tension between Aly and myself now, because she can tell that I've changed my behavior around her (I've been trying hard not to lead her on and act flirty). Despite this, we had fun hanging out as a group outside of bible study, and it also allowed me to meet Aly's sisters and friends - which gave me more confidence in the person I figured she was.
Moreover, the last 6 weeks has given me time to think and consult the Christian men/friends in my life. Of course, I received different opinions and advise, but no one I asked seemed to be leaning towards Jenn on the basis of this "coincidence." The opinion that stuck out the most was the possibility that God is giving me a choice between the two - maybe because that's what I wanted to hear. Needless to say, that's the premise that I based my decision off of, that I can chose either one.
It was still a difficult choice. On one hand, I had a gut feeling that Jenn and I had more compatible personality types. However, that's just a gut feeling. Plus, Jenn has been absent from group for nearly two months. On the other hand, I know that Aly has certain qualities that I'm looking for. Most notably, she strives to foster a sense of community at our bible study and seeks out opportunities for our friendships extend beyond the one time a week that we meet for group - unlike Jenn.
So, I decided to ask Aly out to coffee, and she happily agreed to. However, there is a part of me that still feels conflicted. Aly and me are scheduled to go out this weekend. Of course, if Aly and Jenn were in the same bible study I could buy more time, maybe go out to coffee with both of them. But spending more time with them separately, given the circumstances, would be impossible to navigate and inappropriate.
From this point forward I intend to go with the flow. I'm trying not going to force anything or to take control. I'm leaving it to God and I pray that I will be willing to listen to Him and discern His will.
For the time being, I ask two things from the members of this forum. First, what are your thoughts, opinions, and advice? Second, please pray that God will give me wisdom.
God Bless
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