inappropriate content addiction, feels hopeless

NoahSK said:

Hey guys. I've been struggling with inappropriate content and stuff through middle school and high school up to this point, even possibly before then. I would look stuff up and touch multiple times a day, fantasize about girls at my school, and I wasn't worried about it, nor did I want to stop. In fact, if the situation arose, I would have possibly had sex at any point without a second thought. Thank God that hadn't happened. Anyway, for several months now I have been struggling heavily with OCD and assurance of salvation and stuff like that. During this time, I realized what I was doing was not showing evidence of saving faith. In fact, quite the opposite. Anyway, as I focused more on Christ and my walk with him, I felt my sex drive go down quite a bit, at least compared to what it was before. I saw this as the work of God, and I was overjoyed at this. For a week or so, maybe longer, I didn't look up stuff or do stuff like that. Anyway, eventually the desire came back, and I would look up something, not necessarily hard-core, but enough to entertain that desire for a bit. Of course, I felt horrible afterwards, and afterward I would go for a length of time without doing it or thinking about it (most of the time). Anyway, this wouldn't last forever, and I would go off and on looking up stuff, sometimes I would struggle for a whole week before stopping again for a while. Anyway, recently it has been getting really bad, to the point where the stuff I'm looking at is just as bad as what I thought I had escaped from before. I would go from reading the Bible one minute to looking up stuff the next. Just this week, it was the worst ever, and just last night I found myself looking up the most hardcore, horrible stuff that I used to before this all happened, and I masturbated for the first time in those several months. So here I am, not sure what to do. I have filters set up, although I find I'm able to get around those easily enough. I have prayed and cried out to God to help me get rid of this sexual desire, but apparently nothing is changing. I want to be rid of this, but I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle, and I'm getting weaker as time goes by. I fear one day I'll give up entirely, since nothing seems to be changing. I've cried over my inability to stop. I still feel like a slave to sin. Apparently, the Holy Spirit is supposed to change you and get rid of your sinful ways and desires, and apparently Christians with the Holy Spirit in them will not continue to habitually sin. So maybe this is my problem. I'm stuck trying to fight sin, but perhaps I'm not even saved in the first place. It's as if God has just given up on me and has given me over to my sinful ways, and now it's too late. I repent, but I don't even know if my repentance is real or not. If anyone has anything to say that can help me, please do. I'm sick and tired of trying to fight something that won't go away no matter what. It's getting worse instead of better over time.

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NoahSK said:

Hey guys. I've been struggling with inappropriate content and stuff through middle school and high school up to this point, even possibly before then. I would look stuff up and touch multiple times a day, fantasize about girls at my school, and I wasn't worried about it, nor did I want to stop. In fact, if the situation arose, I would have possibly had sex at any point without a second thought. Thank God that hadn't happened. Anyway, for several months now I have been struggling heavily with OCD and assurance of salvation and stuff like that. During this time, I realized what I was doing was not showing evidence of saving faith. In fact, quite the opposite. Anyway, as I focused more on Christ and my walk with him, I felt my sex drive go down quite a bit, at least compared to what it was before. I saw this as the work of God, and I was overjoyed at this. For a week or so, maybe longer, I didn't look up stuff or do stuff like that. Anyway, eventually the desire came back, and I would look up something, not necessarily hard-core, but enough to entertain that desire for a bit. Of course, I felt horrible afterwards, and afterward I would go for a length of time without doing it or thinking about it (most of the time). Anyway, this wouldn't last forever, and I would go off and on looking up stuff, sometimes I would struggle for a whole week before stopping again for a while. Anyway, recently it has been getting really bad, to the point where the stuff I'm looking at is just as bad as what I thought I had escaped from before. I would go from reading the Bible one minute to looking up stuff the next. Just this week, it was the worst ever, and just last night I found myself looking up the most hardcore, horrible stuff that I used to before this all happened, and I masturbated for the first time in those several months. So here I am, not sure what to do. I have filters set up, although I find I'm able to get around those easily enough. I have prayed and cried out to God to help me get rid of this sexual desire, but apparently nothing is changing. I want to be rid of this, but I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle, and I'm getting weaker as time goes by. I fear one day I'll give up entirely, since nothing seems to be changing. I've cried over my inability to stop. I still feel like a slave to sin. Apparently, the Holy Spirit is supposed to change you and get rid of your sinful ways and desires, and apparently Christians with the Holy Spirit in them will not continue to habitually sin. So maybe this is my problem. I'm stuck trying to fight sin, but perhaps I'm not even saved in the first place. It's as if God has just given up on me and has given me over to my sinful ways, and now it's too late. I repent, but I don't even know if my repentance is real or not. If anyone has anything to say that can help me, please do. I'm sick and tired of trying to fight something that won't go away no matter what. It's getting worse instead of better over time.

Click to expand...

NoahSK said:

Hey guys. I've been struggling with inappropriate content and stuff through middle school and high school up to this point, even possibly before then. I would look stuff up and touch multiple times a day, fantasize about girls at my school, and I wasn't worried about it, nor did I want to stop. In fact, if the situation arose, I would have possibly had sex at any point without a second thought. Thank God that hadn't happened. Anyway, for several months now I have been struggling heavily with OCD and assurance of salvation and stuff like that. During this time, I realized what I was doing was not showing evidence of saving faith. In fact, quite the opposite. Anyway, as I focused more on Christ and my walk with him, I felt my sex drive go down quite a bit, at least compared to what it was before. I saw this as the work of God, and I was overjoyed at this. For a week or so, maybe longer, I didn't look up stuff or do stuff like that. Anyway, eventually the desire came back, and I would look up something, not necessarily hard-core, but enough to entertain that desire for a bit. Of course, I felt horrible afterwards, and afterward I would go for a length of time without doing it or thinking about it (most of the time). Anyway, this wouldn't last forever, and I would go off and on looking up stuff, sometimes I would struggle for a whole week before stopping again for a while. Anyway, recently it has been getting really bad, to the point where the stuff I'm looking at is just as bad as what I thought I had escaped from before. I would go from reading the Bible one minute to looking up stuff the next. Just this week, it was the worst ever, and just last night I found myself looking up the most hardcore, horrible stuff that I used to before this all happened, and I masturbated for the first time in those several months. So here I am, not sure what to do. I have filters set up, although I find I'm able to get around those easily enough. I have prayed and cried out to God to help me get rid of this sexual desire, but apparently nothing is changing. I want to be rid of this, but I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle, and I'm getting weaker as time goes by. I fear one day I'll give up entirely, since nothing seems to be changing. I've cried over my inability to stop. I still feel like a slave to sin. Apparently, the Holy Spirit is supposed to change you and get rid of your sinful ways and desires, and apparently Christians with the Holy Spirit in them will not continue to habitually sin. So maybe this is my problem. I'm stuck trying to fight sin, but perhaps I'm not even saved in the first place. It's as if God has just given up on me and has given me over to my sinful ways, and now it's too late. I repent, but I don't even know if my repentance is real or not. If anyone has anything to say that can help me, please do. I'm sick and tired of trying to fight something that won't go away no matter what. It's getting worse instead of better over time.

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