Hi, this is going to be hard for me to write, so people be nice. Be honest, but please dont beat me up with your answers.
I will first tell you my story, then my question, if you dont want to read the story you can skip to my question
STORY:
A few years ago I found myself in a not so great situation, I was hanging out with a guy that I thought I knew and could trust, but apparently I was wrong. He more or less forced himself on me, and I was paralyzed with fear, so I just let it happen... he had sex with me and I was so ashamed... we never talked again after it happened. I felt broken and like I was worthless. Im a Christian and I know that your supposed to wait until marriage, but this guy ruined that for me.
I guess after this happened I asked myself why God would let it happen. I thought that the deed was done and I was no longer worthy of anything. I kind of fell from my faith a little bit, I was still a Christian, but just felt ashamed, and unworthy of love.
I met this guy awhile later, I told him upfront that I didn't want to do anything. I wanted to hangout and be friends, but that I was not going to do anything sexually. He told me that it was fine. We hung-out a few timed, then one-day he took me to his house, we were hanging out, he started making out with me, and I told him that nothing was going to happen. He told me he knew, and it was fine, but then he got demanding, took my clothes off, I told him no, but he didn't listen. He was a lot bigger than I was so I couldn't do anything. He too forced himself upon me
This guy was super nice, and I did like him, but this wasn't what I wanted. So I told myself the following.
-he's a nice guy
-he's a good guy
-I like him
-No one needs to know
-If we date and get married then it ls like it was meant to be.
So, I tried to date this guy, and turns out he really only wanted sex. so obviously that didn't work out, and I felt even more broken.
two years later Im dating another guy, he's not a Christian, buy he genuinely values me, respects me, and doesn't force me to do anything. BUT I know I am doing wrong by being with a non-believer. This guy has in a way lead me back to my faith, he's helped me make it stronger. I believe that God sent this guy ti build me back up, and become who I was before everything happened
BUT I know I need to end it with my current BF, and I will.
MY CURRENT LIFE:
-I am about to finish university with a great degree
-I am a Sunday school teacher
-I am an AWANA leader
-I have made peace with myself
QUESTIONS:
-- Ive been raped by two men (I went back to the second one to try and 'fix it' in my mind, so I know its not considered rape) but I have made peace with it, and I have forgiven myself, and I know God has too. I know that that it the main thing.
-- I know I need to breakup with my current BF and I will.
--When I start dating a new guy (not now, but down the road when I am ready) do you think that I need to tell him what has happened in the past?
-I know I do not have any sexually transmitted diseases, Ive been tested.
- bringing up the past just hurts me.
-I dont consider it to be my fault, I did wrong, but not by choice
-Will this information be good for him to know? Why?
Any-other thoughts you have are welcome, but please try to be nice. I want honesty though, so that the main thing
I will first tell you my story, then my question, if you dont want to read the story you can skip to my question
STORY:
A few years ago I found myself in a not so great situation, I was hanging out with a guy that I thought I knew and could trust, but apparently I was wrong. He more or less forced himself on me, and I was paralyzed with fear, so I just let it happen... he had sex with me and I was so ashamed... we never talked again after it happened. I felt broken and like I was worthless. Im a Christian and I know that your supposed to wait until marriage, but this guy ruined that for me.
I guess after this happened I asked myself why God would let it happen. I thought that the deed was done and I was no longer worthy of anything. I kind of fell from my faith a little bit, I was still a Christian, but just felt ashamed, and unworthy of love.
I met this guy awhile later, I told him upfront that I didn't want to do anything. I wanted to hangout and be friends, but that I was not going to do anything sexually. He told me that it was fine. We hung-out a few timed, then one-day he took me to his house, we were hanging out, he started making out with me, and I told him that nothing was going to happen. He told me he knew, and it was fine, but then he got demanding, took my clothes off, I told him no, but he didn't listen. He was a lot bigger than I was so I couldn't do anything. He too forced himself upon me
This guy was super nice, and I did like him, but this wasn't what I wanted. So I told myself the following.
-he's a nice guy
-he's a good guy
-I like him
-No one needs to know
-If we date and get married then it ls like it was meant to be.
So, I tried to date this guy, and turns out he really only wanted sex. so obviously that didn't work out, and I felt even more broken.
two years later Im dating another guy, he's not a Christian, buy he genuinely values me, respects me, and doesn't force me to do anything. BUT I know I am doing wrong by being with a non-believer. This guy has in a way lead me back to my faith, he's helped me make it stronger. I believe that God sent this guy ti build me back up, and become who I was before everything happened
BUT I know I need to end it with my current BF, and I will.
MY CURRENT LIFE:
-I am about to finish university with a great degree
-I am a Sunday school teacher
-I am an AWANA leader
-I have made peace with myself
QUESTIONS:
-- Ive been raped by two men (I went back to the second one to try and 'fix it' in my mind, so I know its not considered rape) but I have made peace with it, and I have forgiven myself, and I know God has too. I know that that it the main thing.
-- I know I need to breakup with my current BF and I will.
--When I start dating a new guy (not now, but down the road when I am ready) do you think that I need to tell him what has happened in the past?
-I know I do not have any sexually transmitted diseases, Ive been tested.
- bringing up the past just hurts me.
-I dont consider it to be my fault, I did wrong, but not by choice
-Will this information be good for him to know? Why?
Any-other thoughts you have are welcome, but please try to be nice. I want honesty though, so that the main thing