- Aug 12, 2018
- 25
- 10
- 39
- Country
- New Zealand
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Married
I want this somewhere it can be seen by everyone, not just Christians or married people because it's about communication and applies to any relationship. Since the most significant relationship is with my wife here it is.
I listen too much.
Listening is a skill that I'm incredibly good at but I happen to be rather poor when it comes to talking.
I'm particularly sensitive and when it comes to conflict I just can't win. I bring my concerns to someone and they have this incredible array of weapons and just seem to know what to say and how to say it to get me to concede ground and do what they want. Guilt, fear, shame, bribery you name it. It's so very effective every time and I tend not to notice they're doing it until I look back later.
I think it boils down to this: when someone's talking I listen no matter what they have to say because that's what I'd want them to do for me.
Even when what they're saying is unfair or i know it to be incorrect I listen. I want to know what they think and why. How did they come to this understanding? How can it be corrected?
Sometimes I know they're speaking out of fear or insecurity. I think I'm very good at seeing and grasping what led them to think and feel what they do. Sometimes I know exactly the reason and often it's deeply ingrained mindsets stemming from hurts that could take decades to heal.
Although I initiated the conversation and have plenty to say some people effortlessly turn it around and make it about them. I wait for my turn and expect them to listen to me just the same when my turn comes. Often it doesn't. They tell me why it's so hard for them to give me what I want and I feel for them and offer to help. Often the result is I still don't get what I want but take up even more burden onto myself. I end up worse off than if I'd never said anything.
Is this what Jesus would do? Is it sustainable?
I listen too much.
Listening is a skill that I'm incredibly good at but I happen to be rather poor when it comes to talking.
I'm particularly sensitive and when it comes to conflict I just can't win. I bring my concerns to someone and they have this incredible array of weapons and just seem to know what to say and how to say it to get me to concede ground and do what they want. Guilt, fear, shame, bribery you name it. It's so very effective every time and I tend not to notice they're doing it until I look back later.
I think it boils down to this: when someone's talking I listen no matter what they have to say because that's what I'd want them to do for me.
Even when what they're saying is unfair or i know it to be incorrect I listen. I want to know what they think and why. How did they come to this understanding? How can it be corrected?
Sometimes I know they're speaking out of fear or insecurity. I think I'm very good at seeing and grasping what led them to think and feel what they do. Sometimes I know exactly the reason and often it's deeply ingrained mindsets stemming from hurts that could take decades to heal.
Although I initiated the conversation and have plenty to say some people effortlessly turn it around and make it about them. I wait for my turn and expect them to listen to me just the same when my turn comes. Often it doesn't. They tell me why it's so hard for them to give me what I want and I feel for them and offer to help. Often the result is I still don't get what I want but take up even more burden onto myself. I end up worse off than if I'd never said anything.
Is this what Jesus would do? Is it sustainable?