How much of your identity is tied to your work?

Paidiske said:

Actually, on the whole it gives me an advantage; because the main reaction I get from secular folk when I answer that in fact I'm a priest, and that women can be priests in my denomination, is delight to find a church that isn't oppressive of women etc. I remember a woman stopping me in the street once to get her young child to talk to me, "so that she can see that women can be anything."

That gives me a conversation-starter, if you like, in a positive way.

So it's not always a bad thing!

Click to expand...

So that gives you a chance to draw a helpful distinction. Makes sense.

Tropical Wilds said:

A lot of the time I don’t care, but sometimes the stigma of “not looking sick enough” is overwhelming. Since I made my first appearance with my chair last week, I’m in the latter space at the moment. A lot of talk about “why does she need that?” going on. So I needed to hear somebody say they know what it’s like and it really is real.

And I’m desperately sorry for your loss.

Click to expand...

I unfortunately know that too well. I have been out of work now for some months due to ongoing issues that they thought were Crohn's (due to a surgery that is often Crhohn's related, similar symptoms, and the family history). I have ulcers in the colon as well. However, they have not been progressing like my father's. I went to three different GI doctors over a period of years, including one specialist who only dealt with bowel inflammation. During that time I was having to use FMLA , etc. and folks wonder why you are not working when you seem otherwise healthy. I could even maintain a lot of my exercise, and the doctors all recommend I did, so people would think I was not in fact impaired. But it is impairment. And when you have gnawing pain internally, sometimes for months, and have no idea when you will have zero time to get to the restroom, it makes it tough. Especially since at the time my job required long times of uninterrupted activity.

I am working with a homeopathic doctor now and am actually getting better results. I hope (it gets hard to hope after years of dealing with this, and all the medicines, diets, the surgery, etc.) I will be able to go back to work soon.

But there are some positives to the situation. My kids are getting older and this was a great time to spend hours upon hours talking to them about life, faith, etc. It is time I never would have had otherwise, and that has been great.

But it did cause a lot of changes otherwise. My wife had always been home with the kids and now had to take on the role of providing for the family. And i have to get used to the notion that worth is more than just what you provide, and there are roles we fill that don't have any economic value, but have value to people nonetheless.

We are now unsure of whether my condition is Crohn's or not. They never could find definite markers, but the ulcers suggest it. However, I was reading studies about high correlation of candida (yeast) in the system and Crohn's patients. I talked about it with the Mayo trained specialist I was visiting and she said they still don't know much about it, whether it indicates correlation, causation, etc. The Specialist stated that she thought it was likely low level crohn's, but that she couldn't do much for the symptoms because it would not be worth it to go on immune reducers, which was the next step.

However, homeopathic doctors have been raising the possible connection to yeast and other problems to leaky gut for some time. I have been on a specific program of eliminating dairy, pretty much all grains, etc. from my diet, and taking various supplements, and I have seen tremendous improvement. They also found some other bacteria in the gut, and that I had issues with digesting fats, so I am using digestive enzymes for that. That has really helped the sudden urges. And finally they found various delayed food sensitivities to avoid through blood culture testing.

The GI specialists can say what they want, but his is helping and the other wasn't, so I am going with it for now. And no one wants to be immune reducing heavy-hitting Crohn's meds. My dad tried all kinds of ways to reduce his immune system, but none of them helped.

It wound up being good for my dad as well, in a round about way. He had not had any faith for many years, and we had been praying for him. But he came down with multiple Sclerosis and Crohn's in a short time and literally could not do anything to help himself, which caused him to realize his need of God. He went from functioning perfectly to in a wheelchair within a year. Then was in and out of comas from infections, He got to the point he could barely move one arm. It tends to make you think about the future, and how faith makes a whole lot of difference when you are nearing the end.

johndoo said:

not really.

Click to expand...

Are your children (or child) still at home? Have you explained to your children that you know this was a mistake? That kind of admitting responsibility is often a first step to open some doors.