Stony hearts keep us away from each other

altya · Feb 24, 2003

In order for us to have true fellowship with others and with God, He has to piece or melt our hearts of stone. In our fallen condition, we are like medieval knights in armor, peering out through slits in our helmets to slash and poke at one another, secretly wishing that the other fellow would open up so we could rally meet him.

A HEART OF STONE is a defense mechanism, a hiding place we believe will protect us from hurt, but which in fact makes us the loneliest people in the world. The Church is filled with hearts of stone, people who can love and serve others but who cant allow others to minister to them. Healing is heard work; it requires time and the understanding and support of family and friends.

Inner vows are one aspect of a stony heart. Although they are made early in life and are often forgotten, they act as commands which control our responses to situations and people around us.

You built a spiritual wall by listen to the lies of satan, use it a brick, and because you believe it (take it for yourself) you supply the cement and very soon you will discover a wall in your life.

A better way to describe a heart of stone is that its a hidden defense mechanism which keeps us from being vulnerable or seen. Its like a secret hiding place, a wall we believe will protect us from hurt, but which really makes s lonely and miserable.

Ezekiel 36:26 A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh.

If you feel like you are having a problem with a stony heart pray this little prayer

Heavenly Father, I have developed a defense to keep myself from being seen. I have built a hiding place to protect myself from hurt. I know that this protection blocks out the love, warmth and nurture I long for. I come to You because I am helpless to change. Come into my life and take down the wall. I want You to be my defense. Lord, help me to become vulnerable to risk love. Amen.

reeann · Feb 24, 2003

how beautiful, thank you for sharing.

reeann · Feb 24, 2003

how beautiful, thank you for sharing.

Sharky · Feb 24, 2003

Man i've been feeling that like all week. Thanks heaps for posting it. I should watch myself next time too. Lousy stupid walls...

kat37 · Feb 24, 2003

thanks for posting that-that one really hit home w/ me

GraftMeIn · Feb 24, 2003

I remember building up a wall around my heart years ago. Out of fear of being hurt again, I decided it was better not to love anyone, because that way no one else could ever hurt me the way this person did. I trusted him with my life, and he tried to take it from me more than just once. I would never trust this person with my life again, but I can find love in my heart for them now. It did take Jesus to knock that wall down again though.

I think sometimes we tend to confuse love with trust. While we must always love one another, the Bible also tells us to trust in God and him only. I think this is where I fell into trouble, I thought of love and trust as being the same thing.

More recently I was hurt fairly bad by someone I love, my own brother who I grew up with. And I can honestly say that I still love him, and want nothing more than for him to be saved. But I can't trust him, not for the life of me. I've just seen too much, and know that he can't be trusted. But that wont stop me from loving him.

This time when I was hurt though I knew better than to build up that defensive wall such as you mentioned. Instead I sought shelter in Jesus, and that's what made the difference.

Good reminder Altya, thanks for posting it. Something we need to always be careful of.

Blessed-one · Feb 24, 2003

aye, i agree!

altya · Feb 25, 2003

Today at 05:59 AM GraftMeIn said this in Post #6 (http://www.christianforums.com/showthread.php?postid=674244#post674244)

I think sometimes we tend to confuse love with trust. While we must always love one another, the Bible also tells us to trust in God and him only. I think this is where I fell into trouble, I thought of love and trust as being the same thing.

More recently I was hurt fairly bad by someone I love, my own brother who I grew up with. And I can honestly say that I still love him, and want nothing more than for him to be saved. But I can't trust him, not for the life of me. I've just seen too much, and know that he can't be trusted. But that wont stop me from loving him.

I can understand that confusion between love and trust cause trouble in the aria of 'doesnt want to love' because trust is destroyed.

What I never knew was that when someone did something wrong to us they have to do some kind of restitution not retribution, which is revenge-but rather giving back more that was taken in order to restore trust in relationships

Gods reason for restitution is not mere legality. Its to restore relationships, specifically trust of one another.

Example: If a sister borrows my sewing machine and breaks it and returns it without having it repaired I am hurt. If she says, please forgive me. I will forgive, but my trust in her has been fractured and remains so, I will feel she cannot look after my things. If she repairs it, thats better: but my sewing machine still has less value than before and trust has not yet been fully restored. However, if she not only repairs it and asks for forgiveness, but also buys me a new steam iron, she is saying to me I value you enough to cost myself for you She has restored my love and respect and trust for her and she can borrow anything of mine anytime she wants to and *grin*I hope it breaks. I can trust such a person with anything I own.
Trust is restoring with restitution.
Read Exodus 22:1-17

reeann · Feb 25, 2003

I think sometimes we tend to confuse love with trust. While we must always love one another, the Bible also tells us to trust in God and him only. I think this is where I fell into trouble, I thought of love and trust as being the same thing.

Amen. I keep finding myself falling into the trap of 'trusting' people. The reason I think I do this is because of this lousy sin that keeps clinging to me like one of those fish on a shark (i forget the name of it). Its always there, destroying my joy. What is that sin that takes my mind off of Jesus and put trust into people? Wanting people to like me!! Everytime I have negative feelings (evento the point of wishing bad things on people), it all comes around to feeling of betrayed trust (sometimes real, sometimes not).

God made it so easy for us... Abide in Him... If I abide in Him, i'm not only having "faith" that He is able (and He is), but I am 'trusting' Him to work things out. (He promises us that).

I cannot stress this enough.... STAY in church, read your bible, and when you feel weak, tell a brother or sister and pray. God will protect you. Trust ANYTHING else and your in for a big mess and a world of consquence.

GraftMeIn: Thank you for sharing your heart...

GraftMeIn · Feb 25, 2003

Yesterday at 10:49 PM altya said this in Post #8

I can understand that confusion between love and trust cause trouble in the aria of 'doesnt want to love' because trust is destroyed.

What I never knew was that when someone did something wrong to us they have to do some kind of restitution not retribution, which is revenge-but rather giving back more that was taken in order to restore trust in relationships

Gods reason for restitution is not mere legality. Its to restore relationships, specifically trust of one another.

Example: If a sister borrows my sewing machine and breaks it and returns it without having it repaired I am hurt. If she says, please forgive me. I will forgive, but my trust in her has been fractured and remains so, I will feel she cannot look after my things. If she repairs it, thats better: but my sewing machine still has less value than before and trust has not yet been fully restored. However, if she not only repairs it and asks for forgiveness, but also buys me a new steam iron, she is saying to me I value you enough to cost myself for you She has restored my love and respect and trust for her and she can borrow anything of mine anytime she wants to and *grin*I hope it breaks. I can trust such a person with anything I own.
Trust is restoring with restitution.
Read Exodus 22:1-17

I don't think I could ever let the fact that a material possession was broken by someone borrowing it cause me to have a problem with trust, or forgiveness. I place the value of a friendship much higher than that of any material possession that I might have. I figure things break all the time, whatver might get broken could have just as easily broken the next time I used the item. So it wouldn't be worth holding it against a friend if something broke while in their possession.

The type of trust I was speaking of is the type of trust you lose in a person when you've been lied to by them. We only to need to love, pray for, and forgive those who continually lie to us, we need not to trust in the things they tell us. Lies are the works of satan, they are ment to hurt and destroy.

 

altya · Feb 25, 2003

I only used an example of how trust is working. The sewing machine can stand for anything.

Maybe this will be a better illustration: - A husband who has committed adultery is forgiven by his Christian wife, but her ability to trust her heart to him has not been resorted merely by pronouncing forgiveness. He will need to set himself to do sweet and loving special acts for her for a long time, until her heart has learned again to trust him.

I agree with you your brother destroyed your trust but although you has forgiven him, you cannot trust him. If he wants to gain your trust back he have to do some kind of restitution maybe starting to speak the truth, but its up to him.

I know that, we as Christians, feel sometimes that its up to us to restore such relationships but before restitution happens it will be difficult. Although we love and forgive them we will mistrust them

reeann · Feb 26, 2003

I have trouble with the forgiving your husband and this REQUIRING him to gain back trust. Jesus does not forgive us that way. If someone has harmed you in any way and has asked for forgiveness, we must forgive as Jesus did. Sometimes the hurt, insecurity, betrayal feelings may overcome, but then they need to be brought to the Lord. How many times should we forgive: Jesus asked that very question of Peter....

altya · Feb 27, 2003

I believe its the way forgiveness is working. Its true God forgives us without asking anything but if we want to create/restore our relationship with God after being forgiven we have to strive to live holy. Restitution.

reeann · Mar 10, 2003

amen on that Altya. that is the only way both persons can heal the relationship to live Holy! *hugs* thanks for that

Gerry · Mar 14, 2003

25th February 2003 at 10:21 PM altya said this in Post #11

I only used an example of how trust is working. The sewing machine can stand for anything.

Maybe this will be a better illustration: - A husband who has committed adultery is forgiven by his Christian wife, but her ability to trust her heart to him has not been resorted merely by pronouncing forgiveness. He will need to set himself to do sweet and loving special acts for her for a long time, until her heart has learned again to trust him.

I agree with you your brother destroyed your trust but although you has forgiven him, you cannot trust him. If he wants to gain your trust back he have to do some kind of restitution maybe starting to speak the truth, but its up to him.

I know that, we as Christians, feel sometimes that its up to us to restore such relationships but before restitution happens it will be difficult. Although we love and forgive them we will mistrust them

Hmmmm! Interesting concept!

altya · Mar 15, 2003

Restitution has been largely forgotten and neglected as a Christian discipline perhaps mainly because we have thought of it as something corrective and unnecessary since our Lord brought to death oh His cross the legal demands of the Law. But restitution is neither something solely within the Old Testament nor something burdensome which died with Jesus

Restitution is the act of giving back to those we have harmed more than was taken or damaged. Exodus 22:1-5 tells us we much restore five oxen for one taken or four sheep of one. In Leviticus 6:4-5 for fraud or theft we must pay back in full and add one- fifth.

SpiritPsalmist · Mar 15, 2003

Today at 01:35 PM altya said this in Post #16

Restitution has been largely forgotten and neglected as a Christian discipline perhaps mainly because we have thought of it as something corrective and unnecessary since our Lord brought to death oh His cross the legal demands of the Law. But restitution is neither something solely within the Old Testament nor something burdensome which died with Jesus

Restitution is the act of giving back to those we have harmed more than was taken or damaged. Exodus 22:1-5 tells us we much restore five oxen for one taken or four sheep of one. In Leviticus 6:4-5 for fraud or theft we must pay back in full and add one- fifth.

Hey altya, I agree with this.  When the movie "Love Story" came out several years a statement from the movie became quite popular.  It was "love means never having to say you're sorry".

While that perspective from the viewpoint of the one hurt "might" be acceptable, the one who did the hurting should very much feel the need to say they are sorry.  And besides saying "sorry" they should take it upon theirselves to restore.

Sadly, as you said, that part of Christian dicipline is no longer taught.

"Sorry" to me means repentance.  Never to do it again.  And restoring to the best of my ability what I did to harm the other person. 

I don't know that I should require the one who hurt me to apologize before I forgive them, but for the relationship to be fully restored (my trusting them again), I believe they would need to show there remorsefullness in some way.

I don't know that I put all of that right the way I mean it.  God is working on me too. 

 

 

GraftMeIn · Mar 17, 2003

25th February 2003 at 08:21 PM altya said this in Post #11

I only used an example of how trust is working. The sewing machine can stand for anything.

Maybe this will be a better illustration: - A husband who has committed adultery is forgiven by his Christian wife, but her ability to trust her heart to him has not been resorted merely by pronouncing forgiveness. He will need to set himself to do sweet and loving special acts for her for a long time, until her heart has learned again to trust him.

I agree with you your brother destroyed your trust but although you has forgiven him, you cannot trust him. If he wants to gain your trust back he have to do some kind of restitution maybe starting to speak the truth, but its up to him.

I know that, we as Christians, feel sometimes that its up to us to restore such relationships but before restitution happens it will be difficult. Although we love and forgive them we will mistrust them

For me to trust my brother again would take seeing him following Christ and producing good fruit. But even then it would be most difficult since we were both baptized on the same day as teenagers. He and his girlfriend were baptized together. I went to him later that day, excited and wanting to talk with him about it. He laughed in my face, and said "You don't realy think we believe in all that stuff do you? we only did it for show so Mom and Dad would trust us together."

Now given the fact He only did that for show so that His girlfriend would be able to spend the night at our house when he wanted her to. I would most likely wonder if he wasn't doing things for show in order to gain my trust.

At any rate I trust in God to deal with him. There's where I find my peace of mind

As far as Adultery goes, I think there's a good reason God gives it as the only reason for divorce. God knows we can't see into each others hearts. Once someone has proven unfaithful in that manner, All the kind deeds in the world couldn't make up for the trust that is lost. It would be hard not to wonder each time your spouse left the house if they were being honest about what they were doing etc...

altya · Mar 20, 2003

I understand about your brother and even if he really repent and turn to God you will still doubt until you see the fruit that fits salvation.

altya · Mar 20, 2003

Proverbs 18:19 A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle.

To best understand how hearts of stone works, think of the heart of stone as a walled fortress. Life goes on inside but access is very limited and well guarded. Many try to scale the walls most are picked off by skilled defenders. Those who preserve, wanting to minister to the pain and loneliness inside, often find their scaling ladders roughly pushed away from the walls. Some may even be invited in but when they get too close they will be thrown from the wall and barred from the real life inside.

The impact of a heart of stone is: In families, it refuses love and intimacy; in relationships, it belittle the gifts of others, put them down; In the Body of Christ, it destroys corporateness; in leaders it can destroy a church.

Stony hearts keep us away from each other

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