Keeps getting worse

I am sorry. Are you going to a counselor? I am praying for you.

Hi Princess, Is it more of a fear that you are directing your prayers toward satan than toward God or do you get the actual words popping into your mind? Either way you should still do your very best to not to a thing to reassure yourself that you've prayed correctly. The more you do things like saying "Jesus" just to comfort yourself that you are praying to God the more you validate or give weight to the notion that you might be praying to satan. This only serves to reinforce the obsession and to cause you brain to overreact to it. Has anyone ever explained Exposure and Response Prevention to you?
Sorry you're having such a distressing time. I'll be praying for you.
Mitzi

princesspeach5280 said:

My OCD just keeps getting worse. I know I need to trust in God, but it's so hard to do with my doubts.
Lately, my main OCD theme is that I'm praying or worshipping the devil instead of God. It's gotten bad enough that I'm starting to feel the need to say Jesus' name out loud several times, which annoys my family sometimes I think. And I twitch sometimes if I get an unwanted thought.
Please pray for me!

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Wow, I can't believe someone has the same problem I do! When I pray I have to have a "good" image in my mind, usually Jesus. But sometimes an image of the devil will pop up in my mind, and if I continue praying then I get scared that it's like I'm praying to the devil, so I have to try to put a good image back in my mind. This makes praying hard and sometimes I even don't want to pray cause it's so frustrating and I feel I can't really talk to God about my feelings cause I'm constantly trying to keep good images in my mind.

This has been a trouble of mine since I was younger, and when I would get a bad thought I would say out loud or in my mind "I rebuke you, Satan!" Sometimes if I thought something really bad I would slap myself as punishment! OCD is awful. I always thought I was the only one who thought these things, so it helps to know I am not alone. I hope it helps you too.

Gracealone is right...if you seek freedom you need to expose yourself to the fact that these thoughts are lies and you should not give in to them...research exposure therapy.

Welcome to my world... OCD is something that gets worse and worse, at least from what I've experienced with it. Like yours, mine is highly debilitating too, except mine focuses on blasphemy and the unpardonable sin. I honestly hope that you can find help, but don't be discouraged, for God still loves you.

Thanks for the clarity. Yep... it all smacks of OCD and ERP is definitely the route you need to go. I'll tell you what though.. if you find it too hard to do because the anxiety is just too compelling to ignore then you will probably need to consider meds. (Don't know if you have yet.) My reaction to the suggestion of meds. was, in the beginning... "NO WAY, NO HOW!!!" So... on and on I suffered by my own choice. I had tons of reasons why I couldn't or shouldn't take meds. (Most of them related to my OCD thinking.) Anyhow, when I finally incorporated meds. into my treatment plan it really, really helped me to do ERP. This is because it took just enough of the edge off from the anxiety that I was able to handle ERP better.
Here's a quote from Albert Einstein that encouraged me to give ERP a try: The definition of insanity: "Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." Hmmmmm.... wonder if he had OCD?

princesspeach5280 said:

Thank you all for the encouragement!
gracealone- it goes both ways for me. Sometimes I'll be trying to pray to God about something and then I feel like I might be praying to the devil. Other times, I'll be doing things like homework, or anything else, and suddenly I get "prayers" going in my head to the devil that I don't mean, but I still feel so guilty for it! Sometimes if something good happens I'm afraid that it was because I might have actually prayed to the devil and then my mind starts to thank him but I don't mean it even though my brain thinks I do. And I will definitely research the therapy you were talking about. Thank you.

Jess- Thanks for the encouragement! I'm sorry that you're going through it too! It really does help to know that I'm not the only one with this problem. Thank you and God bless.

SoldierOfSoul- Thank you! I will definitely research it!

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I don't know what you mean by a "counselor" because only a true psychologist can give a diagnosis. Also at the very least if you are revealing just how intense the anxiety is in response to these thoughts you should be able to obtain a diagnosis of having an Anxiety Disorder. You can actually get at least this far with a regular GP, who can then recommend appropriate medication as well as do a referral to someone who specializes in OCD. Whenever you talk to one of these professionals you cannot be vague about what is actually happening to you. You have to be absolutely transparent about it. I know that's super hard because it's so embarrassing/humiliating to talk about. But the doctor's diagnosis isn't going to be accurate unless you share in this way. Also, it's not uncommon to have to see quite a number of doctors before you obtain the appropriate diagnosis. Meanwhile, if you have intense/debilitating anxiety at least that should be treated. You shouldn't have to suffer.

princesspeach5280 said:

One of the reasons I'm not on meds is because any time I ever go to a counselor so they can get me on meds or whatever, they never diagnose me with anything.

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Hey... we all struggle with this so that's why I brought it up. You can do it though!!!

princesspeach5280 said:

Thank you, gracealone! I definitely do have a problem with trying not to let my OCD show at all. If I see a counselor again, I'll do my best to be honest about it. Thank you and God bless!

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just wanted to say to both PrincessPeach5280 and Jess528...I also struggle with this same stuff, and these same types of thoughts! I find the "neutralizing" stuff that I do to be just another problem, as it has to be done "perfect"! ugh....

Jess I have the "good image" thing to...and it's like the more I try to have one...the more impossible it gets! im glad you gals wrote about these things, it had to be so hard! I have been searching for days on this site about anyone who might have these struggles...not to belittle the "unpardonable sin" but it seems that most struggle with that and not so much these types of things that you have written about...it has taken me DAY AND DAYS to find anyone who struggles with it! thank you for writing and being so brave. I can't add to any "remedy" ideas...as I am trying to implement the normal advice at this point...like, don't "neutralize" the thoughts, let the anxiety come, learn how to manage the anxiety, don't do the compulsions..remember they are only thoughts and so on...I am finding that I need to learn more about God and who He is and keep learning trust...my greatest fear was that these thoughts could happen if I didn't do the prayers or the "asking God to make sure they do not happen".....I love gracealone's advice. I find that the moment I get the thought I just have to throw it out immediately before I can start obsessing....it's hard! and if I give in and do the "first compulsive" thing...it only gives way to doing it more and more...and it gets harder and harder to do the compulsion "perfectly" which is another part of what I obsess over..

hang in there...and again, Im so glad you gals were brave enough to say these things..