No Children, good plan?

Saucy said:

Just because something's difficult doesn't mean it's not romantic or worth having. If you ask me, life is harder alone than with a spouse to help out.

Click to expand...

If something is difficult, then no, it's probably not romantic lol. Romantic means that something is dominated by idealism, that it's fanciful. I see that kind of attitude all the time when it comes to marriage and starting a family. There are parts of marriage and having kids that can be romantic, sure, at least by the loving and passionate definition of the word. But not getting any sleep because the baby is crying every hour is not romantic. Fighting with your spouse because you're both stressed over finances is not romantic. Barely feeling like you know your spouse anymore because you both work opposite 12 hour shifts in order to support the family is not romantic.

Of course that doesn't mean it's not worth having. That's up to the individual to decide. But worth wasn't what I was talking about.

Saucy said:

Just because something's difficult doesn't mean it's not romantic or worth having. If you ask me, life is harder alone than with a spouse to help out. But I can see for some people how not having a spouse and kids would be more fun and free for them to do whatever they wanted rather than be 'tied down'.

Click to expand...

Yeah. This.

Again, I've said this before regarding children and the married life...it's only as hard as you make it. And children are only expensive if you allow them to be. Lol. And yes, I say this as an unmarried woman without children. O! The audacity!

The majority of hardships and problems in today's marriages (and even with their children) are caused by the spouses themselves. It's not because marriage in general is this huge, unromantic challenge. Marriage requires a lot of sacrifices and a lot of selflessness. People who are truly willing and ready to commit to this usually end up with a decent marriage, and a romantic one at that (despite any of the usual difficulties).

K9_Trainer said:

If something is difficult, then no, it's probably not romantic lol. Romantic means that something is dominated by idealism, that it's fanciful.

Click to expand...

If you were told that married life is always supposed to be romantic, then you were lied to. But it IS better than single life, I think. Having a partner to share everything with - ups and downs - is a great thing.

Strider1002 said:

If you were told that married life is always supposed to be romantic, then you were lied to. But it IS better than single life, I think. Having a partner to share everything with - ups and downs - is a great thing.

Click to expand...

That's exactly the point I'm trying to make. It's not romantic. It might have it's moments of romance, but not always. I know a lot of people who do romanticize marriage and having a family, and the idea is all over popular TV and radio and it's just not true.

Whether it's better than a single life is up to the individual to decide.

K9_Trainer said:

That's exactly the point I'm trying to make. It's not romantic. It might have it's moments of romance, but not always. I know a lot of people who do romanticize marriage and having a family, and the idea is all over popular TV and radio and it's just not true.

Whether it's better than a single life is up to the individual to decide.

Click to expand...

How different would your life be if you were married right now versus your current situation? Would it be less romantic? More romantic (commitment,etc?) the same?

Call me crazy, but I think difficult things can be romantic when you're with someone you love. I've experienced some things like that.

Some people are going to find it romantic to go through life with their partners regardless of the hardships.

Others can't handle the stress that comes with hardships, it's just not the way that they work.

Everyone is different, there's no need to argue over it.

KitKatMatt said:

Some people are going to find it romantic to go through life with their partners regardless of the hardships.

Others can't handle the stress that comes with hardships, it's just not the way that they work.

Everyone is different, there's no need to argue over it.

Click to expand...

Yeah, I guess some people are wired like that. Sad, though.

Strider1002 said:

Call me crazy, but I think difficult things can be romantic when you're with someone you love. I've experienced some things like that.

Click to expand...

Haha maybe you're crazy

I guess we can at least agree that there are romantic moments and non-romantic moments. I just don't like people romanticizing relationships as a whole. I see people do that and they set themselves up for disappointment and frustration when they realize that sometimes things get hard and sometimes they don't go as planned. Life is unfortunately not a Disney movie.

Isambard said:

I used to have a romantic notion of marriage and family life. Then as friends got married, had kids, and I saw the passion slowly drain out of them, I changed my mind.

Click to expand...

lol... This is similar to my reasoning, as well.

Isambard said:

I used to have a romantic notion of marriage and family life. Then as friends got married, had kids, and I saw the passion slowly drain out of them, I changed my mind. I'd rather spend the money that would go to potential kids on enjoyable vacations, the arts, and amazing fancy dates.

If I must fulfill my biological obligation, then I'll donate to a sperm bank. At least that way I'll be paid for my genetic contribution and I can go on with my life.

Click to expand...

You can get married and not have kids...

I would like to get married, but I don't want kids for a long while. Kids generally are a strain on the marriage relationship so couples need to be certain that they're financially and emotionally ready for them.

Jupiter Drops said:

CF singles, if you do get married, do you want children? Do you think having children is a solid plan despite having financial setbacks?

Click to expand...

Finances shouldn't be a reason for not having children. Children are a blessing from the Lord. When the time is right you will have a child. You'll get married and eventually want to have children even if your finances are not doing that great.

Neve said:

You can get married and not have kids...

Click to expand...

Definitely want to get married.

nick garai said:

When the time is right you will have a child. You'll get married and eventually want to have children even if your finances are not doing that great.

Click to expand...

Just a little presumptuous.

Jupiter Drops said:

Call me greedy, calculating, cold, and stingy.

Click to expand...

Not at all. It sounds like you're making the decision that's right for you. It's unfortunate that you don't seem to be completely free to make that decision because of the actions of your parents, but nonetheless, you aren't hurting anyone.

Jupiter Drops said:

CF singles, if you do get married, do you want children? Do you think having children is a solid plan despite having financial setbacks?

Click to expand...

I do want a handful of children, and probably adopted, so I'm starting to make financial preparations already. I would personally recommend that people think seriously about their financial prospects before deciding to have children, but I'm not going to scorn someone after the fact.

K9_Trainer said:

That's exactly the point I'm trying to make. It's not romantic. It might have it's moments of romance, but not always. I know a lot of people who do romanticize marriage and having a family, and the idea is all over popular TV and radio and it's just not true.

Click to expand...

I agree with Donna.

Marriage itself is not romantic or a fairy tale. If you have that mindset when you take the plunge then you are in for a very rude shock.

This is why so many marriages are ending after only a few years- the hype and idealistic expectations you placed on your marriage die and most can't handle letting go of the dream to put the hard work into the reality. They just think it was the other person who ruined it for them so they divorce, start dating, find the other "one" and rinse/repeat

Amber.ly said:

I agree with Donna.

Marriage itself is not romantic or a fairy tale. If you have that mindset when you take the plunge then you are in for a very rude shock.

This is why so many marriages are ending after only a few years- the hype and idealistic expectations you placed on your marriage die and most can't handle letting go of the dream to put the hard work into the reality. They just think it was the other person who ruined it for them so they divorce, start dating, find the other "one" and rinse/repeat

Click to expand...

I also think though that you can swing too far the other way. I'm not saying that things are going to be amazing all the time, but it's totally possible for marriages to be romantic even after several years. That's not what sustains them, but it's possible for that to still exist. It really depends on the couple.

nick garai said:

Finances shouldn't be a reason for not having children. Children are a blessing from the Lord. When the time is right you will have a child. You'll get married and eventually want to have children even if your finances are not doing that great.

Click to expand...

Gotta respectfully disagree, Nick. Economically unstable folks shouldn't be having kids.

Paulie079 said:

I also think though that you can swing too far the other way. I'm not saying that things are going to be amazing all the time, but it's totally possible for marriages to be romantic even after several years. That's not what sustains them, but it's possible for that to still exist. It really depends on the couple.

Click to expand...

I'd say that's why it's important to have your relationship built on a solid foundation of friendship. If your marriage is built on romance and attraction and butterflies in the stomach, of course it's going to fail.

Purge187 said:

Gotta respectfully disagree, Nick. Economically unstable folks shouldn't be having kids.

Click to expand...

I agree, though of course they should have the right to and receive the help they need. There's a reason why the deep South has the most poverty.

The problem in today's world is we think kid's have to have a certain standard now days. They have to have the same clothes as all the other kids, same ipods, same computers, same shoes, etc.

While I have nothing against -wanting- to be financially stable before you have kids, I don't think it's a -requirement-.

Who we do we trust more? God or money?

Now economically unwise people shouldn't have kids I agree