True nature of God (And why "walking with the Lord" doesn't quite make sense...)

Lately, I've been having doubts.

When I first became a Christian, I had a faith that was "literal" and I took several passages out of the Bible and I applied them literally in my life. Somehow, because I wanted to - maybe because of wish fulfillment or something else - I got my wish. I could use certains scriptures like "charms", if you will, just because I willed it to being.

Also, I am one of those Christians who claims that he can hear "God's voice" and claim that God walks with me everywhere I go. God will tell me to go do things. Questionable things. He will send me on errands, it seems, that seem certainly foolish. I am to go here, to tell some random person something. I am to go there, and tell that random person something. Now that I look on this "relationship", I wonder if somehow it's flawed. It seems that before God can use me, I first have to love him. I can actually perceive, in my mind, God is there and we are checking each other out.

Lately, the errands he's been sending me on have been getting worse and worse. They test my patience and courage more and more!

For a while, I thought I was crazy. A schizophrenic person. I thought I was hearing things and as a result of being a Christian, my unconscious mind was forming delusions in the form of "God's voice" that commanded me to do things. It wasn't just God's voice, but also his presence can be noticed too, as well as the presence of other beings, like angels and/or famous, historical and dead people. I can talk to them and they can talk back to me.

Now, I just think this is how my relationship with God is. I heard somewhere (not in my head), that everyone's relationship with God is different. I wonder why does mine seem to be so outside the ordinary?

So, I'm a student in college. And God has sent me on a certain task. I carried out the task but no doubt now, I feel as if I had committed a huge crime against what is only the normal way of conducting one's self. I'm literally torn internally - I want to keep the peace but the things God commands me to do disrupt the peace.

Why do I even do the things God sets for me? It's because I'm a student in college and I need help with Computer Science. I prayed to God and asked for Him to guide me to a good program. He chose Computer Science. I began and started working on the program.

This is no doubt a difficult subject - especially for me. But since, I'm so gullible, believing that God is all-powerful that He will make me smart enough to comprehend all things mathematical, physics and logical. There were even some days in my past when I told God that I wasn't smart enough to do any of the school work. He would tell me to go to bed and during a nap (I guess) He would heal my mind and then I would look at the Math again and understand it.

I would feel reassured that God has healed my brain. I would go back to work on it but it wouldn't be long before God commanded me to not do my school work, but instead to play video games. He would command that I do not do any school work except just barely before when it was due. So all my assignments and tests were going to be completed and finished at the last minute. I complied and wasted my time playing video games.

It wasn't long until I attempted to do my school work or homework, related projects and such that I realized that I couldn't do them. The God voice in my head would say, "It's because you didn't listen." Or something like that. I would wonder deeply what it was that I didn't do and then God would give me some commandment, "You didn't go here. You didn't go to small group... etc." It truly was random and awkward stuff. I couldn't believe it and I don't want to believe that my life depends on me following a voice in my head very precisely.

Yet, it was evident. My school work and grades suffered as a result of my gross negligence to do what the voice commanded. My only choice? To do what the voice of God was compelling me to do. Why couldn't my Christian walk be more ordinary?

So my doubts are thus: Am I really hearing the voice of God?

Sadly, I think the answer is yes. And he still wants me to do Computer Science... but I'm losing interest in the topic on the whole...

Now please take this reprimand as one given in love by an ex-newbie in Christ "God will tell me *personally* what to do [through whispers in my ears and shivers] and so I don't have to think EVER..."

Imagine I am using a megaphone for my reply:

NO YOU ARE NOT HEARING FROM GOD.

You are have fallen for your over active imagination instead.

Now I did exactly the same thing when I became a Christian. I got so over-spiritual I convinced myself every thought that came into my head was from God.

MY NOT WANTING TO STUDY WAS "GOD WANTED ME TO PRAY/READ THE BIBLE".

MY WANTING TO MIX WITH OTHER PEOPLE INSTEAD OF STUDY WAS "GOD IS TELLING ME TO BE A GOOD WITNESS".

You are doing exactly the same thing. God expects you to use your brain and not make all your decisions for you.

Compare what you are *currently* doing with what the bible says instead:

A slack hand causes poverty [POOR GRADES],
but the hand of the diligent makes rich.
(Proverbs 10:4 ESV)

Better to be lowly and have a servant [doing ordinary things for God]
than to play the great man and lack bread [flunk from chasing dreams]. (Proverbs 12:9 ESV)

The hand of the diligent will rule [will achieve good grades],
while the slothful will be put to forced labor [flunk out -> potential low wage career path options]. (Proverbs 12:24 ESV)

Go to the ant, O sluggard;
consider her ways, and be wise.
Without having any chief,
officer, or ruler,
she prepares her bread in summer
and gathers her food in harvest.
How long will you lie there, O sluggard?
When will you arise from your sleep?
A little sleep, a little slumber,
a little folding of the hands to rest,
and poverty will come upon you like a robber,
and want like an armed man.[flunk out](Proverbs 6:6-11)

And the apostle Paul said this about lazy people:

Now we command you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you keep away from any brother who is walking in idleness and not in accord with the tradition that you received from us. For you yourselves know how you ought to imitate us, because we were not idle when we were with you, nor did we eat anyone's bread without paying for it, but with toil and labor we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you. It was not because we do not have that right, but to give you in ourselves an example to imitate. For even when we were with you, we would give you this command: If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat. For we hear that some among you walk in idleness, not busy at work, but busybodies. Now such persons we command and encourage in the Lord Jesus Christ to do their work quietly and to earn their own living.
As for you, brothers, do not grow weary in doing good. If anyone does not obey what we say in this letter, take note of that person, and have nothing to do with him, that he may be ashamed. Do not regard him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother. (2 Thessalonians 3:6-15)

Does that sound a thing like the "messages" you are currently receiving all the time? BIBLE OUTRANKS GOOEY FEELINGS ALWAYS.
Well I am warning you my brother-in-Christ - stop listening to your imagination, start reading the bible *properly in context* (not like a fortune-cookie), listen to proper sermons about Book of Proverbs. www.sermonaudio.com You need to learn to listen to your brain - that is the book that turned me around as well.

You are severely lacking in wisdom (common-sense). I repeat, God expects you to use your brain; he does not program us to do His will.
Time to start studying or even consider different career path if necessary.

e.g. Are you more of a people person than you realise/d?

zerchristforu said:

There were even some days in my past when I told God that I wasn't smart enough to do any of the school work. He would tell me to go to bed and during a nap (I guess) He would heal my mind and then I would look at the Math again and understand it.

Click to expand...

That sounds like Him.

But the "command" to play video games is as joey_downunder suggests, your desire. God has no interest in such entertainment.