i'm a bad mother

I'm glad that your daughter is okay... except for the broken arm, OUCH. And you are a good mom... like others have said, kids and adults all are capable of having accidents. I agree with Davidnic... don't listen to anyone who says you should be angry at your daughter. All a mother can do is be there and well, do what you have.

When he was 10 years old, my dumbbutt brother decided he was going to wrap the seatbelt around his neck when we were driving in the car. Parents repeatedly told him to stop doing it. Pulled over, made him get out of the car. 5 mins later, we get back in the car, start driving, brother wraps the seatbelt around his neck and it locks in place (seatbelts that lock at sharp tugs were new back then). We pull over, try to find a store with scissors to cut him out.

Wasn't my mother's fault. Wasn't dad's fault. Brother was just dumb. At least your daughter wasn't dumb enough to nearly strangle herself just for kicks.

Your daughter isn't dumb. She is human. Adults get struck by cars for the very same thing, even something as simple as stepping off the curb without looking. It isn't your fault that she didn't look, and it isn't your fault that a lady was driving who shouldn't be driving.

I'm glad that your daughter is okay. Try not to beat yourself up about it.

It was an accident. You feel bad because you love her and she is so precious to you. She can see that and won't run into the road again. At least not for a long time.

Yah harsh words to a mum after an ordeal like this could cause years of nightmares.
Mums dont take this easily... and it hurts beyond words.

Miss Shelby said:

my 11 year old was struck by a car in front our house friday night, playing tag w/ her friends. she didn't look both ways. she has a broken arm. i am so thankful it wasn't worse. she was singing a little song to me last night, which i found annoying at first cause i was trying to make dinner. then i reminded myself that i might not have that anymore if it were worse.

she felt so bad that she didn't look both ways she kept saying 'i'm sorry' over and over while she was laying in the yard in my arms. i have a friend who thinks i should be mad with her--because she should know better, and i shouldn't allow them in the street at all. but kids like to run and play tag and hide and seek. i thought we were beyond this since she is older, and now i think i should blame myself.

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No you shouldn't blame yourself.

The same thing happened to my sister.

It wasn't your fault any more than it was my mom's.

MOD HAT ON

Did a slight thread clean up.

MOD HAT OFF

Kids are not mature enough to be responsible for every mistake they make. It's part of growing up.

As far as playing in the street goes, in a residential neighborhood, kids play in the street all the time and drivers are suppose to slow down because of that fact.

No, you're not a bad mom.

Bad mom's wouldn't be bothered by the issue.


Jim

in the judge judy episode, the judge did tell the teenage driver that when he saw the kids on their bikes on the sidewalk he should have slowed down to a crawl, it would have been the right thing to do, since the teenager though was going the speed limit he could not be faulted though

maybe the driver who ran over miss shelby's daughter could have slowed down, but if if that driver did not have a driver's license or insurance or drove off it sounds like she cannot be held liable for the medical bills or pain and suffering

it is normal to transfer negative emotions on someone else in a situation like this and to demonize them, but this was an accident and no one's fault really

BAFRIEND said:

in the judge judy episode, the judge did tell the teenage driver that when he saw the kids on their bikes on the sidewalk he should have slowed down to a crawl, it would have been the right thing to do, since the teenager though was going the speed limit he could not be faulted though

maybe the driver who ran over miss shelby's daughter could have slowed down, but if if that driver did not have a driver's license or insurance or drove off it sounds like she cannot be held liable for the medical bills or pain and suffering

it is normal to transfer negative emotions on someone else in a situation like this and to demonize them, but this was an accident and no one's fault really

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Are you always this cheerful and comforting, or is today just a rare glimpse of tenderness?

Shelby, I'm sorry for what happened to your daughter. People do make mistakes all the time, and thank God it wasn't worse. It doesn't make you a bad mom. A GOOD mom would run out to that lawn and hold her daughter, which you did

I hope she feels better and gets on the mend, quick!

BAFRIEND said:

in the judge judy episode, the judge did tell the teenage driver that when he saw the kids on their bikes on the sidewalk he should have slowed down to a crawl, it would have been the right thing to do, since the teenager though was going the speed limit he could not be faulted though

maybe the driver who ran over miss shelby's daughter could have slowed down, but if if that driver did not have a driver's license or insurance or drove off it sounds like she cannot be held liable for the medical bills or pain and suffering

it is normal to transfer negative emotions on someone else in a situation like this and to demonize them, but this was an accident and no one's fault really

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I disagree.

If she had no insurance the car shouldnt be on the road, hence the accident would not have occurred had she been obeying the law in the 1st place because she would not have been driving.
Not to mention the fact she wasnt even licensed to be driving...

So in fact, it was her fault for doing what lawfully she was not allowed.
She shouldnt have been there in the 1st place.

WarriorAngel said:

I disagree.

If she had no insurance the car shouldnt be on the road, hence the accident would not have occurred had she been obeying the law in the 1st place because she would not have been driving.
Not to mention the fact she wasnt even licensed to be driving...

So in fact, it was her fault for doing what lawfully she was not allowed.
She shouldnt have been there in the 1st place.

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unfortunately, the law sees it differently

i have a friend who rear ended another car and the other driver did not have a driver's license

when my friend was sued in small claims court he made the same argument that you did- the person did not have a license, hence the accident would not have occured if the person was obeying the law

the judge stated that the other person's legal status to drive was besides the point and did not detract from the fact my friend rear ended the plaintiff and the plaintiff was entitled to recover damages for the negligence of my friend

in California where a defendant can file an appeal from a small claims verdict, my friend did and the appeals court upheald the original finding that the legal status of the driver does not detract from the damage caused by the negligent driver

it should be noted that the illegal driver was given a ticket for driving without a license

let's say you default on your mortgage and someone drives through your home and breaks your leg. do you think that person should argue he should not pay because you should not even be living in the home you were being evicted from ?

Miss Shelby said:

my 11 year old was struck by a car in front our house friday night, playing tag w/ her friends. she didn't look both ways. she has a broken arm. i am so thankful it wasn't worse. she was singing a little song to me last night, which i found annoying at first cause i was trying to make dinner. then i reminded myself that i might not have that anymore if it were worse.

she felt so bad that she didn't look both ways she kept saying 'i'm sorry' over and over while she was laying in the yard in my arms. i have a friend who thinks i should be mad with her--because she should know better, and i shouldn't allow them in the street at all. but kids like to run and play tag and hide and seek. i thought we were beyond this since she is older, and now i think i should blame myself.

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I am glad your kid is OK. Praise God.

Stories like this reassure me in my decision when I spanked my youngest for not paying attention to traffic.

But, we as parents do not receive a book on perfect parenting and we all make mistakes along the way.

Again, praise to God for protecting your child. Also prayers for you and the person driving the car that hit your kid.

WarriorAngel said:

I disagree.

If she had no insurance the car shouldnt be on the road, hence the accident would not have occurred had she been obeying the law in the 1st place because she would not have been driving.
Not to mention the fact she wasnt even licensed to be driving...

So in fact, it was her fault for doing what lawfully she was not allowed.
She shouldnt have been there in the 1st place.

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In a perfect world (Heaven) we would not need to be concerned with drivers with out insurance.

But in this world we have people that struggle financially and believe they have no choice but to drive with out insurance. Minimum wage usually will not afford a single person the wages needed for food, shelter and a way to work and back with all that is included (such as insurance). Especially in times where median of pay is going down and inflation is rising (more so with gas prices) and government demands that some cannot meet and may be penalized for, we will see more people with out insurance still driving because they see no alternative. Having lived for awhile in the ghetto and having next to nothing I am familiar with these circumstances and the thinking associated with it.

That said... she was in the wrong and I agree with you.

This story is reassuring to me that God is always present and watching over us. I am sure God has plans for all involved and I pray they are all open to His will.

Miss Shelby, these things happen; you are not a bad mom. Your daughter is alive, albeit with a broken arm, the fact that she says she is sorry tells me that you taught her to look both ways, so she knew what she did was wrong. You are both here to live to love another day. Celebrate that and enjoy it. The real crime would be to waste your time dwelling on things that you cannot control, instead of making the best of what you have.
Yeah that other driver should not have been on the road and she should be punished, not off scott free, but dont let her do another crime by letting her steal your time with your daughter

BAFRIEND said:

in the judge judy episode, the judge did tell the teenage driver that when he saw the kids on their bikes on the sidewalk he should have slowed down to a crawl, it would have been the right thing to do, since the teenager though was going the speed limit he could not be faulted though

maybe the driver who ran over miss shelby's daughter could have slowed down, but if if that driver did not have a driver's license or insurance or drove off it sounds like she cannot be held liable for the medical bills or pain and suffering

it is normal to transfer negative emotions on someone else in a situation like this and to demonize them, but this was an accident and no one's fault really

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I think you make a good point that sometimes both parties may not be at fault and yet something awful can still happen. And we should not blame ourselves for something out of our control.

Miss Shelby said:

my 11 year old was struck by a car in front our house friday night, playing tag w/ her friends. she didn't look both ways. she has a broken arm. i am so thankful it wasn't worse. she was singing a little song to me last night, which i found annoying at first cause i was trying to make dinner. then i reminded myself that i might not have that anymore if it were worse.

she felt so bad that she didn't look both ways she kept saying 'i'm sorry' over and over while she was laying in the yard in my arms. i have a friend who thinks i should be mad with her--because she should know better, and i shouldn't allow them in the street at all. but kids like to run and play tag and hide and seek. i thought we were beyond this since she is older, and now i think i should blame myself.

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Oh dear, that reminds me when my son was a fraction of a second way from nearly being struck by a high speed car, instead the car run over his foot braking his foot, with my son, he was at an age where he was very hyper and would run around a lot, and out of the blue he decided to run accross a road without looking (a quite road i must say). sadly such things IMO are part of learning to grow up. Just thank GOD she is fine.

"my 11 year old was struck by a car in front our house friday night, playing tag w/ her friends. she didn't look both ways. she has a broken arm. i am so thankful it wasn't worse. she was singing a little song to me last night, which i found annoying at first cause i was trying to make dinner. then i reminded myself that i might not have ..." Miss Shelby

After reading the whole thread to here, horse feathers. You aren't a bad mom. Unless we all are because we all are not literally right behind our kids in goosestep formation where ever they go. I understand your guilt but be good to yourself as you would to a friend. Thankfully it wasn't worse.

boughtwithaprice said:

Miss Shelby, these things happen; you are not a bad mom. Your daughter is alive, albeit with a broken arm, the fact that she says she is sorry tells me that you taught her to look both ways, so she knew what she did was wrong. You are both here to live to love another day. Celebrate that and enjoy it. The real crime would be to waste your time dwelling on things that you cannot control, instead of making the best of what you have.
Yeah that other driver should not have been on the road and she should be punished, not off scott free, but dont let her do another crime by letting her steal your time with your daughter

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what do you mean dont let her do another crime ?

her daughter ran into the street without looking. it could have been anybody that run over her daughter, my own mother or one of my kids could have run her daughter over

it just so happens, and we dont even know this for a fact yet, someone without insurance was driving- does it matter ?

miss shelby taught her daughter to know better and it was an accident, now miss shelby should teach her daughter some responsibility/accountability and not to attack the other victim of the accident who was not to blame

i dont think the driver is financially liable nor that the driver's insurance company is going to pay a dime, miss shelby needs to get some legal advice from an attorney to see what the law says in her state, but my non-lawyer opinion is that the legal right of the driver is not relevant

I think you're just trying to be the black sheep of the group, BA.

To a certain extent it wouldn't matter if you forbade them to go in the street etc... it is the nature of kids when they are caught up in play, not to think. There is a high degree of probability that even if you had such rules in place, there would be times when they would forget and not think about what they were doing etc.

In otherwords, no matter how zealous you are about making rules to protect them, you can't guarentee their safety. Life is risk. We can be careful of course, but in the end all you can do is trust.