First marriage is NOT a practice marriage

christianNarmy89 · Dec 9, 2010

I'm getting married in a few weeks and I am reallllllllly excited!!

I'm in the army, and around alot of tough guys most of the time. I'm the only girl that works in my shop. Also, as you may/may not know.. the divorce rate in the military is extremely high.

But I was talking to the guys about my upcoming marriage, how excited I was, how it's going to be based on faith and communication, and how I'm marrying my best friend, etc..

Two of the guys started telling me that I was being unrealistic. That I'm expecting this fairy tale marriage and how I'm just going to be disappointed.

I disagree with them though. I know how hard it's going to be, especially with us being in the military but I love him so much. I know that I'm going to have to wake up daily, and know that I have to fight to have a good marriage, practice patience, love, and commitment to have the marriage that God desires for us.

So my question is.. is it really unrealistic to be excited about a lifetime with someone, in today's society? Are we supposed to be "realistic" and know that it could end in divorce, going into it? Doesn't that make it easier for us to chose divorce as an option? It just makes me sad how marriages seem nowadays. I have heard the term "first marriage is a practice marriage" quite a bit in the last few days.. It's disappointing. I don't believe in divorce, and neither does Garry. We have already talked about it.. and we're going to pray our way through this marriage.

Matthew 19:6

"So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not men seperate."

So I would just like to see what people think. I believe that I'm going into this with the right mindset, but I know that are others here who are actually married and will have a better idea of what it's going to be like.

shinbits · Dec 9, 2010

christianNarmy89 said:
So my question is.. is it really unrealistic to be excited about a lifetime with someone, in today's society? Are we supposed to be "realistic" and know that it could end in divorce, going into it? Doesn't that make it easier for us to chose divorce as an option? It just makes me sad how marriages seem nowadays. I have heard the term "first marriage is a practice marriage" quite a bit in the last few days.. It's disappointing. I don't believe in divorce, and neither does Garry. We have already talked about it.. and we're going to pray our way through this marriage.

Matthew 19:6

"So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not men seperate."

So I would just like to see what people think. I believe that I'm going into this with the right mindset, but I know that are others here who are actually married and will have a better idea of what it's going to be like.

You should enter marriage thinking yours is going to best one ever. Who cares if it's unrealistic, it's what a new, young romantic marriage should be.

All I'm saying, is don't be shocked IF a bump comes, cuz they will. Still, it's not wrong to hope yours will be a fairy tale.

Singermom · Dec 9, 2010

If a first marriage is a "practice marriage", then I must really stink at it, 'cuz after 25 years, I'm still practicing, and not ready for a second, "real" marriage! ^_^

Remember, the vows (and they are VOWS, not just suggestions) say "for better or for worse, 'til death do us part" and "as long as we both shall live"; not "for now, 'til boredom do us part" and "as long as we feel like it".

I personally think YOU are the one who is being realistic.

Conservativation · Dec 9, 2010

Keep the great thoughts...they are fine. Do add some back of the mind thoughts that somehow temper your longer term expectations, meaning, he wont SEEM like he SEEMS today, in a few years. Frankly its not possible, because the learning each other, the big part, is complete, and thats what gives the biggest boosts. It feels good someone wants to talk long and deep about you, they are learning you.
Expecting that to continue in exactly the same way is a marriage killer. The long talks neednt stop at all. Just the feelings that result from them and the topics will change.

Expectations, sadly, cause lots of problems depending on how emphasized and conditional they are.

Luther073082 · Dec 9, 2010

I'm not saying that you should consider divorce to be an option but I do belive a healthy fear of divorce is in order. Not a paralysing "can't do anything" type of fear, but a fear that leads you to prepare for marriage better then others and be more ready for rough times then many others.

Cause the thing is that no one goes into a marriage planning on getting divorced. Or at least not very many people do. But the fact remains that nearly half of them are getting divorced in the end.

So while you should be excited, take the time to prepare as best you can for marriage.

Key · Dec 9, 2010

I honestly can not even imagine getting married without thinking that this should last forever. I mean, if I am thinking it is going to end, why would go from dating to married anyway?

As for being unrealistic? Hardly! Yes, there are many military marriages that end in divorce, but not all. There has to be some of them that last, and that one is going to be yours!

God Bless

Lena75 · Dec 9, 2010

I like the title of this thread!

Our vows were till DEATH do us not part. Not divorce do us part.

Beautiful Fireball · Dec 9, 2010

If you can't be excited about getting married what can you get excited about? Seriously lol.

I think going into it realizing that it's not always going to be wonderful is a good thing to do though. That doesn't mean that you have to worry that its going to be work all the time because if you put the time into it marriage can be really fun. With anything its about finding a balance and you have to be willing to compromise.

My husband is in the AF and honestly our marriage only got better when he joined. Yea, his time belongs to the military and a lot of times they come first but when we do have time together we enjoy it and it has made us better at communicating. Of course, you probably know what to expect as far as that goes with being in the military yourself. Anyway, congrats on your marriage

Speculative · Dec 9, 2010

I agree with the thread title.

TigerKanga · Dec 9, 2010

Maybe those guys have crummy marriages or are divorced. Everyone has their own perspective on things colored by their experiences. Don't kid yourself. Marriage has its ups and downs and unless you are prepared to stick it out during times where you may not even like who you are with it will fail. I remember when I was in the Marines working with Chaplains and an older married guy talked about how for a time his wife was his enemy and the other guys, chaplains, just nodded along as he was talking. Later on in my marriage I experienced that and we got through it. Just try to do your best and if he does his best things might work out well for you. Its not 50/50, that is not enough. It has to be 100/100 or as close as the two of you can get to that.

WalksWithChrist · Dec 12, 2010

christianNarmy89 said:
I'm getting married in a few weeks and I am reallllllllly excited!!

I'm in the army, and around alot of tough guys most of the time. I'm the only girl that works in my shop. Also, as you may/may not know.. the divorce rate in the military is extremely high.

But I was talking to the guys about my upcoming marriage, how excited I was, how it's going to be based on faith and communication, and how I'm marrying my best friend, etc..

Two of the guys started telling me that I was being unrealistic. That I'm expecting this fairy tale marriage and how I'm just going to be disappointed.

I disagree with them though. I know how hard it's going to be, especially with us being in the military but I love him so much. I know that I'm going to have to wake up daily, and know that I have to fight to have a good marriage, practice patience, love, and commitment to have the marriage that God desires for us.

So my question is.. is it really unrealistic to be excited about a lifetime with someone, in today's society? Are we supposed to be "realistic" and know that it could end in divorce, going into it? Doesn't that make it easier for us to chose divorce as an option? It just makes me sad how marriages seem nowadays. I have heard the term "first marriage is a practice marriage" quite a bit in the last few days.. It's disappointing. I don't believe in divorce, and neither does Garry. We have already talked about it.. and we're going to pray our way through this marriage.

Matthew 19:6

"So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not men seperate."

So I would just like to see what people think. I believe that I'm going into this with the right mindset, but I know that are others here who are actually married and will have a better idea of what it's going to be like.

The gambling rate in the military is also high. Make them put their money where their mouth is!

Romanseight2005 · Dec 12, 2010

This reminds me of my co worker. Her boyfriend proposed to her about a month ago. The next day, she went out to lunch with two of her friends. When she told them, one of them said, "Well you have to get your first marriage out of the way." The other friend laughed with agreement. My co worker came back from lunch feeling rather sullen. The fact is though, there are many happily married couples in our building. She just chose to hang out with the downers.

FaithPrevails · Dec 12, 2010

There will always be people who will look at the negative rather than the positive. I like Lena's response. Just tell them you plan on practicing for MANY years then.

christianNarmy89 · Dec 13, 2010

aww.. I liked reading all of these replies! It's nice to hear so many positive comments about marriage, after hearing what the people I work with have to say.

I know it's going to be tough at times.. but Garry is so worth it and I want to continously work to keep it strong. The military has been hard on our relationship at times, just because last July.. I went to the field for 3 1/2 weeks and he didn't. Then I came back the last week of July and he went to the field August 3rd. Then he came back the last week of August and we both went to a field problem the first week of September. I would work from 8 A.M. until 6 P.M. and he would work from 7 P.M. until 5 A.M.
So I would wake up at 4 A.M. to get ready and go see him until I had to go to work.
But he's worth it.. and all that makes us closer, especially when it comes to communication. We do a couple's devotion daily together, no matter where we are.. and it just makes us closer when we're together.
Plus, when I get out of the military and he deploys, I feel like, as a wife, I will understand more because I have been on deployments myself.

He really is my best friend, the only friend I have around here.. (females in the army tend to live up to their bad reputation, and so far..I only know the single, barracks females. When we move into housing, I'm hoping the wives will be alot better.. more mature and hopefully some Christians!)

But yeah.. I just know that all this is going to bring us closer, in the end.

FaithPrevails · Dec 13, 2010

I don't really have anything to add that is topic-related, but did want to say thank you to you and Garry for your service. I will be praying for your safety as you protect our freedom. :prayer:

christianNarmy89 · Dec 13, 2010

Thank you.

We both appreciate your prayers.

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