5 Months Pregnant, and just found out Husband wants divorce

Catherineanne · Nov 24, 2010

GuitarMia05 said:
He said that we married too soon, we didn't know each other that well. We have nothing in common. We can't get past small things.

My husbands reasons are not reasons for terminating a marriage at all.

If he is right; that you married too soon, did not know one another very well, and have nothing in common, then those are pretty reasonable grounds for divorce.

However, he is not right. You do have something in common; your children. You both need to put aside what you want, and think about them. You put aside your wish to see your husband saved (for now), and he put aside his wish for more freedom.

You have both chosen to have two children very close together, and you both have an obligation to put them first. If he can't do this for you, then he must do it for the children.

There is plenty of time for you to get to know one another; that can be sorted out. And you may have married too soon, but nonetheless you are married; there is nothing to be done about that one.

I think the best thing you can do is focus on the children and what they need. As long as his reasons are to do with your relationship, then that relationship can be sorted out. If it gets to the point that he has found another woman, then it will be far harder. And it may be worth discussing future children as well, and factor in some time to yourselves. It is not easy to deal with young children, and he may be feeling trapped.

Therefore, I suggest you move back home, with your son, and talk this through, for as long as it takes. Ask your husband what it would take for him to give the marriage another chance, and meet him as far towards that as you can. If he believes in God, then that is superb. Ask him about his God, and don't assume that yours is right and his is wrong. It may well be the other way round, so listen to what he has to say.

It may in the end prove to be impossible to retrieve this situation, but at least you will have tried.

God be with you.

FaithPrevails · Nov 24, 2010

Joining in to lift you and your family up in prayer. :prayer:

Divorce is a loss and you will experience the full grief cycle during and after the divorce. Keep leaning on your faith and support system of family and friends. You will get through this valley. :hug:

A great book I would highly recommend is The Christian Family's Guide to Surviving Divorce. It really helped me keep a proper perspective, offered helpful advice and insight, and - most importantly - reminded me to keep the needs of my children and what is best for them as the focus of the situation. It can be incredibly easy to get caught up in the emotional tug of war of being hurt and wanting the other person to hurt. The more aware you can be of it, the less likely you are to succumb to it.

My kids were older than yours (4 yrs and 14 months) when I divorced, but I am just a PM away if you need to "talk" to someone who has been in your position. :groupray:

TigerKanga · Nov 25, 2010

GuitarMia05 said:
He said that we married too soon, we didn't know each other that well. We have nothing in common. We can't get past small things.

Those sound like very good reasons to reconsider staying in a relationship with someone. If you were not married would you feel the same way about breaking up?

Godchaser_70 · Nov 25, 2010

god can change that situation,i will find you some prayers and you can say them everyday. the devil is the one who has made this happen. we will pray for this to turn around.

HAPMinistries · Nov 25, 2010

TigerKanga said:
Those sound like very good reasons to reconsider staying in a relationship with someone. If you were not married would you feel the same way about breaking up?

Good reasons to 'break up' if they were dating, yes.

But marriage is a covenant:
I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life. I take you for my lawful (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

So it is a person not keeping their word, their promise, and their commitment.

But, to answer your question, yes, when things get difficult, it is very easy to become a quitter.

You quoted 4 points:
He said that we married too soon,
'Ignorance'
He understood the vows he made and signed the marriage license at the age of a legal adult I assume. This is not a rational reason to break his agreement no more than to quit paying a car payment saying you were too young when you bought the car. You must take responsibility for your actions.

we didn't know each other that well.
'WORK'
Marriages are hard work, you have to work at getting to know each other.

We have nothing in common.
'WORK'
Sometimes you have to start doing things you wouldn't normally do just SO you can be with your spouse and identify with them.

We can't get past small things.
'WORK'
Small things are small. You have to be willing to put yourself aside for your spouse from time to time, and them likewise. You must be considerate, again this takes WORK.

This man has decided to give up and not try and not be willing to compromise on anything, so there is NOTHING reasonable about what this person has done. It is irresponsibility.

That is why we are praying for his eyes to be opened, and to remember his first love, and take on his responsibility instead of running away from it.

faithinmyself · Nov 26, 2010

I am sorry Mia

Has to be hard with 2 kids on top of the whole marriage/separation. I wish I had words to comfort you. I am so happy you have good Christian parents who can help you through this difficult time. (((hugs to you)))

SearcherKris · Nov 27, 2010

I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

I want to strongly recommend DivorceCare. It is a Biblical group for recovering during separation and divorce. You don't have to be divorced or even planning to divorce in order to go. It is just something that provide emotional and spiritual support while you are going through sepertion and/or divorce. It guides you through the spiritual aspect of these situations and also can offer practicle tips.

If you husband does not accept Christ and if he does continue on with the divorce then you have to be able to let it go. The Bible says that if an unbelieving spouse does not want to stay married, then you should allow the divorce to go through. I know it hurts, but God has healing for you if it comes to that. I think that you need to be prepared for the worst case cenario. Prepare you heart, and have the strength and knowledge you need to get you through this.

I will pray that your husband chooses salvation through Christ. You should hope for the best. However, I think it is important to prepare and to be knowledgable in case the worst occurs.

you are in my thoughts.

GuitarMia05 · Nov 30, 2010

HAPMinistries said:
Good reasons to 'break up' if they were dating, yes.

But marriage is a covenant:
I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life. I take you for my lawful (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

So it is a person not keeping their word, their promise, and their commitment.

But, to answer your question, yes, when things get difficult, it is very easy to become a quitter.

You quoted 4 points:
He said that we married too soon,
'Ignorance'
He understood the vows he made and signed the marriage license at the age of a legal adult I assume. This is not a rational reason to break his agreement no more than to quit paying a car payment saying you were too young when you bought the car. You must take responsibility for your actions.

we didn't know each other that well.
'WORK'
Marriages are hard work, you have to work at getting to know each other.

We have nothing in common.
'WORK'
Sometimes you have to start doing things you wouldn't normally do just SO you can be with your spouse and identify with them.

We can't get past small things.
'WORK'
Small things are small. You have to be willing to put yourself aside for your spouse from time to time, and them likewise. You must be considerate, again this takes WORK.

This man has decided to give up and not try and not be willing to compromise on anything, so there is NOTHING reasonable about what this person has done. It is irresponsibility.

That is why we are praying for his eyes to be opened, and to remember his first love, and take on his responsibility instead of running away from it.

I honestly agree. I feel like he is just giving up -- I'm 100% willing to work through anything in our marriage, I have always been that way and he knows that too. The sad thing is we never really fought either, we had disagreements but never went into full out fighting (I think we have only done that 2 or 3 times in our entire marriage). My life revolves around my relationship with Jesus, my children, and my family. His life seems to revolve around friends, "good times", and "the good life". Those have always been our biggest disagreements, the thing is we have one VERY big thing in common that should keep our family together (our CHILDREN!). I believe that God can heal any relationship, and I pray that mine is one. The biggest thing I want right now is my family back together. I would love to have my family back for my son, for this unborn baby, and for myself. He knows I'm willing to do anything to save our marriage but it's in his ball park now what he wants to do. I hate to say this, but he thinks our divorce is going to go smoothly with no courts or forced child support, If he decides that this marriage isn't worth saving and that keeping our family together for our kids isn't possible, then he has no idea that he will be facing the Courts system and child support. I have to keep in mind that it's not what's in my best interest but in the best interest of my children. They are my world!! Please continue to pray for my husband's salvation and for this divorce decision of his. God bless!! :pray:

Steffenfield · Nov 30, 2010

Continued prayers, yeah, absolutely Mia!

HAPMinistries · Nov 30, 2010

Yes, continuing in prayer.

bliz · Nov 30, 2010

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You need to make an appointment with a divorce attorney. The laws vary in every state and you need to know exactly where things stand. Many attorneys will give you a free consultation.

GuitarMia05 · Dec 1, 2010

bliz said:
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You need to make an appointment with a divorce attorney. The laws vary in every state and you need to know exactly where things stand. Many attorneys will give you a free consultation.

I've been blessed with that as well. With my dad being a minister I've been able to receive help with many associations that work in fields like this -- I've been given a few numbers to be in contact with people and I'm slowly in the process of what I need to do next. My biggest concern at this point is financially supporting my children and my self. I had to quit my job but was able to get another but sadly it pays less, but there is always a blessing in sad situations -- I may be getting less money, but I get more time to spend with my Son, and that right there is worth more to me than any amount of money!! I was blessed to get to see him take his first steps a few weeks ago!! I was so happy that I got to witness that. Praise Jesus. I just pray that whatever happens if it be reconciliation or divorce that my Husband Finds Jesus!! If it means us getting divorced and him finding Jesus down the road ... Then I'm willing to go through with it.

GuitarMia05 · Dec 1, 2010

Thank you for the prayers -- I have a praise that actually includes my husband. After finding out today that we are expecting a girl (YAY!) Adam and I discussed about the future and more into detail about why he wants this divorce, I understand his reasons a bit better but still feel like they are not reason to justify ending a marriage especially with 2 young children in the process, He has agreed to hold off the divorce until the baby is born, and during that time Him and I are going to spend more time to try and see if we can mend our marriage back together ... our 2 biggest issues that we have to deal with is the physical aspect and the "religion" aspect. I know that one can be fixed easy but working on the Religion/Faith part is going to be the hardest. My prayer is that in the next 5 months, Christ can use me to show Adam how important it is to have that relationship with Jesus. I'm still not giving up on my marriage and I'm finally finding some peace now that he is willing to work the next 5 months. Still please keep my husband in your prayers for his salvation.

Steffenfield · Dec 1, 2010

As always Mia.

What a wonderful opportunity you have been blessed with for a chance to restore your marriage with him.

I hope this will only strengthen your family.

SearcherKris · Dec 1, 2010

That is very good news, indeed! I will stay in prayer with you.

HAPMinistries · Dec 2, 2010

Awesome!
Praying

GuitarMia05 · Dec 4, 2010

Thank you for the continued prayers. I do have a praise and a prayer for this recent event that has happend. My husband never seemed excited at all about this pregnancy until we found out it was a girl, then he started showing some interest in choosing her name, which means he does care but I haven't seen a whole lot of effort on his part about wanting to rekindle our marriage. To be honest a part of me thinks he just said we would try to make me happy. I ask for of course the prayer of my husband's salvation, but now I ask for the prayer of what steps Do i need to do to begin to fix our marriage it takes two people to do it ... so my prayer is that if he really wants this fixed that my husband would take steps into fixing it too. not just me. Thanks everyone

Steffenfield · Dec 4, 2010

It really takes three, Mia.

Jesus is so amazing and will be the bind that ties you two together.

Shout to the Lord, blast awesome Christian songs with your hubby around, and help him see the good life that God's love provides for us.

If you don't have any music, hit me with a PM.

GuitarMia05 · Dec 5, 2010

Steffenfield said:
It really takes three, Mia.

Jesus is so amazing and will be the bind that ties you two together.

Shout to the Lord, blast awesome Christian songs with your hubby around, and help him see the good life that God's love provides for us.

If you don't have any music, hit me with a PM.

You are right... It does take three! Problem is that My husband wants nothing to do with the main one, and with me he doesn't seem to show interest. I honestly wonder if our marriage does need to end, even though I don't want it too. It's been especially hard with it being around Christmas, and time to celebrate the most wondrous birth on earth with family and its just bothering me and upsetting me because mine is broken apart, It's our son's first Christmas and I don't think we will get to spend it together as a family. My prayer is for guidance these days. I feel so lost without my other half. Christ is the only thing that has gotten me through this situation, and I will continue to turn my faith towards him, I just wish my husband would understand the Love of Christ and not the "goods of the world".

Steffenfield · Dec 5, 2010

Yeah, if it wasn't for Christ, I probably would have completely lost it these past six months.

That's the only thing that's holding me up through my current divorce process.

Him, church, Christian music, the Bible and the most amazing people here at CF.

Trust me. You'll need as much support as you can find to get you through this.

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