Hi Everyone: This is my first post in this forum. I will cut right to the chase. I lost my wonderful, Christian husband a little over three years ago. I too am a Christian but suffer from a distorted view of God brought about by legalistic teachings at the beginning of my walk. Although I no longer listen to this type of preaching, the lessons I learned still wrap themselves around like tentacles.
My husband was older than me by nearly 20 years so I knew, at least statistically, at the time we married that I would likely outlive him. Add to that, I also have longetivity in my genes. We were married 24 years, so I am very thankful that we had that many years together. My problems is that I cannot stop thinking that perhaps God took him from me to somehow discipline me for my sins. I tend to put other, less important things before God and have interests that legalistic Christians would not approve of, such as secular music (country, some classical, celtic, folk and contemporary easy listening). I have a lot of CD's of this type of music and find it difficult to part with them. I was told that anything one cannot get rid of makes it an idol. I also love fashion and have stacks of magazines like Vogue and Harper's Bazaar that I find hard to part with. These are about the only things I "hoard".
I hope someone will answer this post as, in addition to profound grief, I also feel that my loss is God's discipline for not putting Him first, and my sense of guilt is actually leading me away from Him instead of into His arms.
Thank you very much,
Kath
My husband was older than me by nearly 20 years so I knew, at least statistically, at the time we married that I would likely outlive him. Add to that, I also have longetivity in my genes. We were married 24 years, so I am very thankful that we had that many years together. My problems is that I cannot stop thinking that perhaps God took him from me to somehow discipline me for my sins. I tend to put other, less important things before God and have interests that legalistic Christians would not approve of, such as secular music (country, some classical, celtic, folk and contemporary easy listening). I have a lot of CD's of this type of music and find it difficult to part with them. I was told that anything one cannot get rid of makes it an idol. I also love fashion and have stacks of magazines like Vogue and Harper's Bazaar that I find hard to part with. These are about the only things I "hoard".
I hope someone will answer this post as, in addition to profound grief, I also feel that my loss is God's discipline for not putting Him first, and my sense of guilt is actually leading me away from Him instead of into His arms.
Thank you very much,
Kath
