What is the best way to restore a marriage?

Well, not that Im the best person to speak..
I think the best way is to have both parties realize what they need to be responsible for within their marriage. Both people have to be willing to WANT to make the marriage work.
Counseling for whatever issues..obviously a lot of prayer and looking to Gods word for help. I think that two people have to both fully be commited to the restoration or it wont happen. Both parties have to be able to put aside some selfish things in order to do whats best for the marriage.

What if God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy? Go out and get the book "Sacred Marriage" by Gary Thomas. I wish that I had read this book a year ago, I would not be in this mess if I had. Tom

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[FONT=&quot]Please pray that God will heal Tom & Kimberly's marriage. After 24 years Kimberly decided that she didn't want to be married anymore. Please pray that God will make Tom the man that He wants him to be and the Husband that Kimberly needs him to be. Pray that God will protect and watch over Kimberly and their children while Tom is out of the house. We claim “So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." [FONT=&quot]Matthew 19:6[/FONT][/FONT]

Pray pray pray

Did I mention Prayer?

And then

<gasp>

The dying to self part....

Really, no matter the problem, keep your eyes fastened on where your help comes from no matter what.

If you were stumbling around in the dark, you wouldn't turn off your flashlight.

Same difference.

and

praying

My advice is prayer and fasting. Fasting is a very powerful tool in spiritual warfare.

Firstly, In order for any marriage to have a future... things of the past have to remain there and be forgiven and forgotten. I think that SO often people harbor so much resentment, anger and hurt that they never allow themselves to enjoy what could potentially be a beautiful restoration. Remember, it is unfair to expect perfection when we can't guarantee that ourselves. Although their are somethings that are intolerable, we are imperfect people married to imperfect people. Mistakes happen so let's not judge the person but simply look at the action and let it go. Furthermore, people have to be willing to take responsibility for their actions in the marriage that may have contributed to the desention. Blame-shifting is immature, selfish and helps nothing. Remember, in love and marriage, the primary goal is to put the needs of your spouse above your own.

Also, I think that people should strive to understand themselves more. So many people focus on what they can get out of a relationship rather than what they can contribute. People don't realize that a broken or lost person will spend their lives looking for relationships, things or people to fill a void that has to be filled from within.

Also understand God's love and love in the context that God meant for it to be in marriage is imperative. People don't really understand love so how can the exude it.

Well, I think the most important question to ask is a simple one... "Is this marriage worth saving?"

...and to be honest...I don't think that "just because it's marriage" is sufficient reason to want to save it.

Do you see enough potential for unity to make the effort worthwhile? Do you have a reasonable expectation for change and restoration to set that ball in motion?

If you can honestly say "yes" - then begin by actually doing it. Tell your partner what you want - and that you love them - and that you hope they feel the same.

It's the true decision that I think most people are lacking.

My marriage is in the midst of being restored as we speak. Hopefully, my husband will move back in soon. The most important thing we both have done is tear down the walls we had built around our hearts so as to not get hurt. But the same wall keeps you from being able to fully give your heart to someone! I'm just very grateful to God for all He has done in the past couple of weeks to restore my marriage. He is faithful if we just surrender to Him!

Autumnleaf said:

How do you go about fasting other than obviously not eating? I have not heard advice like this in a long time, so I'm inclined to believe it works.

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There are several different kinds of fasts. Some people fast for 3 days some 7 and some 40. Some people fast one day a week and some people fast one meal one day a week. Some people do a "Daniel" fast where they abstain from meat for a certain period of time and some people do liquid only fasts that include fruit juices and such. My advice is to study fasting and learn the correct way to fast and learn the correct way to come off of a fast. Coming off of an extended fast the wrong way can be deadly.

I, myself, have only done 3 day fasts where I abstained from food and only drank a large amount of water to stay hydrated. Study about the different kinds of fasts and what they represent to find out which fast is best for you. God bless.

do you have a testimony of answered prayer due to fasting?

The fasting guidelines in the Orthodox Church can vary, but typically we abstain from meat, dairy, & olive oil.

Blessings to you!

Hosannainthehighest said:

do you have a testimony of answered prayer due to fasting?

Click to expand...

Yes I do.

would you like to share?

I fasted and prayed for my husband to be delivered from the bondages of drug addiction and I have also fasted when I have needed breakthrough in areas regarding myself. When I have fasted I have felt the spirit of the Lord upon me very strong and other people who have fasted have felt the same way.

In answer to the OP, I would say the best way to resore a marriage is as Dayknee said, for both spouses to take responsibility for their parts. It is true that it takes two committed people for a marriage....one cannot carry the other.

In addition to that, the marriage didn't deteriorate overnight, it is usually due to bad habits that have gone unchecked over a long period of time that have harmed the marriage and caused the other spouse to react in either retaliation or independent behavior. I am reading a really good book by Dr Harley called "Love Busters". Something he pointed out that is so true is that we are more likely to hate our spouses than any other person. The reason? In other relationships, if someone is draining us (our "love bank" as he puts it) and taking more from the relationship than they are giving, we move on. We spend our time with people that lift us up, people who's company we enjoy. But, in a marriage, when we tell someone they are doing something that upsets or hurts us, and they ignore that, we can go from loving someone so much that we find them irresistable to getting to the point of hating them. Each time they hurt us, they take from that "love bank"......unless those issues are resolved and an effort is made to make enough "deposits" to make up for what was withdrawn, you end up with a negative balance. He explains it much better than I can. That is why people pay for his books . The six categories he calls "Love Busters" are: selfish demands, disrespectful judgments, angry outbursts, dishonesty, annoying habits, and independent behavior.

So to restore a marriage, I would say you need to repent of what you have done to harm the marriage and in the future, be vigilant about making sure that habits that harm a marriage are dealt with quickly and in love.

thanks...was your husband delivered from drug addiction?

Yes, he was. He is an awesome husband and father now and is very active in our church and persuing a life with christ.