when did you know?

joaddi3 · Apr 29, 2008

AMOG said:
Lynn,

When we married, I thought I might be in love with her. (yeah... that right there should have tipped me off)

But by the time it was over I was pretty clear that no love ever existed.

I have now discovered what real love is and I am unbelievably happy. I also realize what an idiot I was before.

glad you found love friend

jwp · Apr 29, 2008

joaddi3 said:
agreed...i could uproot my family and move to a different location. usually the jobs are scarce and they dont pay very much there though...i was born and raised in santa ana, california and the population is something like 90% hispanic. my husband is also hispanic and all of my friends and people i grew up with as well. the reason they are able to do it, is that alot of the time they all live together and share the cost of living.

I for one, really admire the Hispanic culture they seem immune to not being able to figure out a way and I think it relates to their close knit family stucture. It's in their culture to stick together.

Bridgit · Apr 29, 2008

I knew it was time when the insults, the lack of respect, the physical, mental and emotional abuse, the provocations, the belittling, the conceit, the arguments, the threats .... were getting worse and happened more often.

Now that I have been separated for 2 years and divorced for 2 years, I regret not to have done it earlier, for the children's sake and mine. I was fortunate to work then, so I filled up the divorce papers. We sold the house and each went our way. For four years now, there is nothing but peace and joy in my house and my kids are so glad we left their father.

The Lord is great and greatly to be praised! :bow:

joaddi3 · Apr 30, 2008

jwp said:
I for one, really admire the Hispanic culture they seem immune to not being able to figure out a way and I think it relates to their close knit family stucture. It's in their culture to stick together.

i was raised in that culture and i am very much family oriented...it makes my situation that much harder...

LynnMcG · May 4, 2008

FaithfulWife said:
LynnG~

I hope you don't mind my responding to you on one thing. I have to admit, I also believe that God is still moving and working in your marriage and in the life of your dear hubby, because although they are imperfect attempts, I do see that he has willingness to keep trying and keep working toward repair and repentance.

For me, I kept HOPING that he would be willing when he wasn't. I kept HOPING that things would change he would make the effort to actually really TRY to change, and he wouldn't. I believe that is an entirely different situation from yours. In your instance, he has bad habits and years of making bad choices, but it does sound like he's willingly making the attempt to grow and change--just doing it imperfectly. With me, he was unwilling to make the attempt to grow and change. I had been thinking that as long as I was in his life God could still work on him and move in his life--and finally at one point I realized that I was standing right in God's way! I mean, how PRESUMPTUOUS of me to assume that God would no longer be with my ex if I wasn't with him...as if God couldn't work without me! :o

Yeah--our exes our dearly beloved children too, and God loves them and wants them to want Him. But He will work in their lives, in HIS way, whether we are there or not. And that's the difference.

In your instance, I completely understand that you ARE tired and WHY you are! That is so 100% completely understandable. Further, I suspect most people would say you have every right and reason to leave the marriage. But personally I would suggest that perhaps rather than leave the marriage that you "take a break" from shouldering the burden. Give it to God and your dear hubby for a while. If you need the rest and peace that comes from being apart for a while, I think that's reasonable and tolerable--so that your dear hubby and do the work he's got to do but you can step out of the constant drama tornado that whirls around him.

One BIG thing I learned is that when a person is doing a lot of personal growth or even relationship growth, you can't always be moving forward and growing. It's too exhausting. Sometimes good, mature growth means standing still, standing where you are, and not backsliding so you can catch your breath and make the changes permanent.

So YEP--rest.

Thank you.

Resting is hard. My DH is in rehab until the end of May. That gives me some time to rest from his disease. Now I'm working to rebalance/refocus my life. I started working full-time just a few months ago so that's been a crazy adjustment. Now I've got after-school sports and travel for work...you all know the drill. Balance. Trying to take better care of myself spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

ShainaBrina · May 23, 2008

jwp said:
For me it was a process that went for years and years in paticular 20 years which I can trace the root cause to the first year.

Whenever the pattern that Christ set up for the home is not followed you are likely to have built the home on sand. You are setting yourselves up for the fall. Don't be deceived read the bible and follow what it says.

BTW I don't see any biblical evidence for what we have in the majority of U.S. marriages/familes today. The wife should stay at home and raise the children. Anything less than that is destined for hard times. But in addition to that, the wife must support her man at his work and what he chooses to do INCLUDING moving to a new city for a JOB PROMOTION.

Good luck, and don't divorce if you can avoid it.

Been there, done that. Played the corporate wife, moved from place to place, stayed at home with the kids, ran the house so he had no worries at home.

I left when I felt I could no longer keep the children safe from him.

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when did you know?

joaddi3

~ it's not a choice, it's a child ~

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jwp

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Bridgit

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joaddi3

~ it's not a choice, it's a child ~

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LynnMcG

A reflection of the Son

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ShainaBrina

The joy of the Lord is my strength

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