Hi
I'm a 17yr old Christian and have been with my boyfriend for 6 months now. We are both Christians and struggle allot with the idea of sex.
We have used our self control so many times under the hardest circumstances... 3 of my closest friends have made love to their long-term boyfriends, more than a third of my friends (guys AND girls) have also done it too, and sex is talked about openly and freely between people I am usually around. SO we start thinking, they can do it, why can't we?!
They haven't been damned to hell or anything, they're relationship hasn't broken up with mistrust... if anything it has strengthened their relationships. What I'm saying is that sex has really had no negative effect on any of my 3best friends lives, one of them is Christian and still goes to church. (The other two just have the typical teenage view "can't be bothered to think about that boring stuff") but all three live happy, healthy lives.
Basically, sex has become a less formal event and instead is generally known (between my group of friends especially) to be practically inevitable between any serious relationship.
So I think to myself, why not us.
And I came online to check it out...
First I went to one of the many sites with the complete bible and searched for every reference to the word sex. Surprisingly to me, it occurred quite a few times! And still, I found no actual verse or chapter that said do not have sex out of marriage.
There are heaps of passages that say, "do not commit sexual immorality", but there is a passage that explains exactly what that is... Leviticus 18. Basically it says not to have sex to any of your relations, any married person, with animals or with a women who are having their period. Nothing about sex out of marriage.
There are also many passages that say "do not commit adultery" but what exactly is adultery? So I searched for the word and read every passage that mentions it. I found that almost every time it was written, it was linked to the words "unfaithfulness" and "prostitution". Now I know what they are. They are sex to another person whilst you are married. In Proverbs 5:20, the bible Sais "Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress?" It then goes on to clarify this with "Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife?" So there we have a definition of adultery: a married person having sex to someone who is not his or her spouse. There are many other references to this definition, but nowhere does it give the meaning that it is just sex without being married to the person. Again, nothing about sex out of marriage.
During my searches I found 1 Corinthians 7. All about marriage. Supposedly. The thing that started me thinking was the footnote under it all, referring to the very first verse. The verse goes "Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry", but the footnote underneath (bible.gospelcom.net, the New International Version) reads " Or 'It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.'" This started me thinking, if one word "marry" can be replaced with "sexual relations" why can't the word likewise be changed if it is written again by the same person, in the same piece or writing, in the same context. I know the bible has been translated, and how hard it is to interchange some words between languages. Words could be replaced with words that have a similar meaning, but change the whole context of the piece.
Verse 28 in the same chapter says
"But if you do (have sexual relations/marry), you have not sinned; and if a virgin (has sexual relations/marries), she has not sinned. But those who (have sexual relations/marry) will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this."
Verses 37-38 say
"But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to (have sexual relations with/marry) the virgin--this man also does the right thing.
So then, he who (has sexual relations with/marries) the virgin does right, but he who does not (have sexual relations with/marry) her does even better"
Hmmmm... interesting.
After I'd checked out the Bible for myself, I thought it'd be good to see some other people's interpretations. On Christian answers I found the article "Why should I save sex for marriage?" (http://christiananswers.net/q-sum/sum-f001.html)
I read it all and my first impressions were that it is trying very hard to scare people out of sex before marriage: it talks about STDs breaking through protection, sex breaking relationship with God, sex breaking the relationship with the partner, relationship with other Christians, and any further relationship or marriage in your life. Now seriously, it can't be all that bad! My friends are actually doing pretty damn fine without any of the above happening. As far as I can tell that is. The thing is, I don't know about their relationship with God. And that's the one I'm worried about.
Although I found all these verses in the bible, I still don't know all, and that's why I'm writing to you.
But anyway, back to my search...
In this article, I found no reference to any direct verses in the bible that talks about sex out of marriage. Again.
The article talks about the fact that God made us, our bodies, He sent his son to die for us and we should respect it. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20...
"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your body."
And that is true; it's a very good point. But who said having sex out of marriage is defiling our bodies? If you Love the person, if it is a show of intimacy and passion rather than a just mad rush of hormones, an act of Love and not of lust, who said we were disrespecting our bodies? Not the bible.
Didn't god create us to be happy? Why would he make our bodies ready for sex at the age of 12 and wanting sex by the age of 16 if we couldn't act on it until we were 20 or so? Did he really aim to torture us this way?
I think not. I think the warnings in the bible are just that: warnings.
1 Corinthians 7:38 says "But those who (have sexual relations/marry) will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this."
The rest of the bible talks of sexual immorality that could harm people: gross stuff like sex with animals, sex with family or with a girl who has their period, and hurtful stuff, like sex to someone who already has a partner behind their partner's back.
I have still found not real evidence in the bible of God not wanting us to have sex out of marriages.
This is where I need your help. If I am wrong, PLEASE prove me wrong!
I am a Christian, I Love God, and I Love Jesus. And I would not want to disrespect him purposefully. But as far as I can see, the evidence has been proven. I started with an open mind and this is what I have found.
I just don't want to be wrong.
Thanx for listening
* Luv Karly.A*
I'm a 17yr old Christian and have been with my boyfriend for 6 months now. We are both Christians and struggle allot with the idea of sex.
We have used our self control so many times under the hardest circumstances... 3 of my closest friends have made love to their long-term boyfriends, more than a third of my friends (guys AND girls) have also done it too, and sex is talked about openly and freely between people I am usually around. SO we start thinking, they can do it, why can't we?!
They haven't been damned to hell or anything, they're relationship hasn't broken up with mistrust... if anything it has strengthened their relationships. What I'm saying is that sex has really had no negative effect on any of my 3best friends lives, one of them is Christian and still goes to church. (The other two just have the typical teenage view "can't be bothered to think about that boring stuff") but all three live happy, healthy lives.
Basically, sex has become a less formal event and instead is generally known (between my group of friends especially) to be practically inevitable between any serious relationship.
So I think to myself, why not us.
And I came online to check it out...
First I went to one of the many sites with the complete bible and searched for every reference to the word sex. Surprisingly to me, it occurred quite a few times! And still, I found no actual verse or chapter that said do not have sex out of marriage.
There are heaps of passages that say, "do not commit sexual immorality", but there is a passage that explains exactly what that is... Leviticus 18. Basically it says not to have sex to any of your relations, any married person, with animals or with a women who are having their period. Nothing about sex out of marriage.
There are also many passages that say "do not commit adultery" but what exactly is adultery? So I searched for the word and read every passage that mentions it. I found that almost every time it was written, it was linked to the words "unfaithfulness" and "prostitution". Now I know what they are. They are sex to another person whilst you are married. In Proverbs 5:20, the bible Sais "Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress?" It then goes on to clarify this with "Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife?" So there we have a definition of adultery: a married person having sex to someone who is not his or her spouse. There are many other references to this definition, but nowhere does it give the meaning that it is just sex without being married to the person. Again, nothing about sex out of marriage.
During my searches I found 1 Corinthians 7. All about marriage. Supposedly. The thing that started me thinking was the footnote under it all, referring to the very first verse. The verse goes "Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry", but the footnote underneath (bible.gospelcom.net, the New International Version) reads " Or 'It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.'" This started me thinking, if one word "marry" can be replaced with "sexual relations" why can't the word likewise be changed if it is written again by the same person, in the same piece or writing, in the same context. I know the bible has been translated, and how hard it is to interchange some words between languages. Words could be replaced with words that have a similar meaning, but change the whole context of the piece.
Verse 28 in the same chapter says
"But if you do (have sexual relations/marry), you have not sinned; and if a virgin (has sexual relations/marries), she has not sinned. But those who (have sexual relations/marry) will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this."
Verses 37-38 say
"But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to (have sexual relations with/marry) the virgin--this man also does the right thing.
So then, he who (has sexual relations with/marries) the virgin does right, but he who does not (have sexual relations with/marry) her does even better"
Hmmmm... interesting.
After I'd checked out the Bible for myself, I thought it'd be good to see some other people's interpretations. On Christian answers I found the article "Why should I save sex for marriage?" (http://christiananswers.net/q-sum/sum-f001.html)
I read it all and my first impressions were that it is trying very hard to scare people out of sex before marriage: it talks about STDs breaking through protection, sex breaking relationship with God, sex breaking the relationship with the partner, relationship with other Christians, and any further relationship or marriage in your life. Now seriously, it can't be all that bad! My friends are actually doing pretty damn fine without any of the above happening. As far as I can tell that is. The thing is, I don't know about their relationship with God. And that's the one I'm worried about.
Although I found all these verses in the bible, I still don't know all, and that's why I'm writing to you.
But anyway, back to my search...
In this article, I found no reference to any direct verses in the bible that talks about sex out of marriage. Again.
The article talks about the fact that God made us, our bodies, He sent his son to die for us and we should respect it. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20...
"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your body."
And that is true; it's a very good point. But who said having sex out of marriage is defiling our bodies? If you Love the person, if it is a show of intimacy and passion rather than a just mad rush of hormones, an act of Love and not of lust, who said we were disrespecting our bodies? Not the bible.
Didn't god create us to be happy? Why would he make our bodies ready for sex at the age of 12 and wanting sex by the age of 16 if we couldn't act on it until we were 20 or so? Did he really aim to torture us this way?
I think not. I think the warnings in the bible are just that: warnings.
1 Corinthians 7:38 says "But those who (have sexual relations/marry) will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this."
The rest of the bible talks of sexual immorality that could harm people: gross stuff like sex with animals, sex with family or with a girl who has their period, and hurtful stuff, like sex to someone who already has a partner behind their partner's back.
I have still found not real evidence in the bible of God not wanting us to have sex out of marriages.
This is where I need your help. If I am wrong, PLEASE prove me wrong!
I am a Christian, I Love God, and I Love Jesus. And I would not want to disrespect him purposefully. But as far as I can see, the evidence has been proven. I started with an open mind and this is what I have found.
I just don't want to be wrong.
Thanx for listening
* Luv Karly.A*