Should a Woman Keep Her Maiden Name?

It's nice and easy if the man and wife have the same last name. I agree it is a social issue.
I remarried 5yrs after my husbands passing. I am a professional women, so I used both names. I did not xxxx-xxxxx I took my married 1st married name and have it for a middle name now. in this manner i can use Mary 1stmarried 2nd married name in professional setting and just Mary 2nd married name is social settings. It can be confessing.
Many spanish cultures blend both names when married. That is simular to what I did.

We have had this thread a while back! When I married in 1969, it was usual to take one's husband's name and I didn't consider doing anything else. Nowadays I might give it more thought. Marriage is a partnership, you don't belong to your husband as a possession. Some women use both their maiden name and husband's name, but this is a bit cumbersome. I think you do whatever you feel comfortable doing, there is no right or wrong answer to this question imo.

I also agree that it's a social issue.

It depends on the couple. If they want to take on the husband's name, great. If they want to take on the wife's name, great. If they want to combine, that's great as well. Me, personally, a name is just a name so it doesn't really matter for me. It really depends on what the couple wants to do.

you don't belong to your husband as a possession

Click to expand...

How is that in any way related to taking a husband's last name?

I personally... cant waite to take my husbands last name.
But I agree, its more of a social issue rather then a religious one.
Some men now even take their wives last names... so Iguess it depedns on what the couple decides. Personally I hate my last name and I cant waite to get rid of it

When I was single I thought that I would want to keep my name because it is a large part of one's identity. When I fell in love with my H, all that changed. I wanted to take his name because to me, it signified our unity as husband and wife, and because I loved him, I wanted to take his name as a way of intertwining our lives into one.

I don’t see why it should be expected that a woman take on the man’s last name. In the not-so-distant past women were thought of as an extension of man. For instance, when introducing a woman at a social event one would probably say, “please meet Mrs. John Smith”. If you will notice, none of the women’s name is there, only the man’s. I think this comes from even further back when a woman would be introduced as “the mistress of John Smith” (hence where we get “Mrs.” from). This bothers me. The wife is not given identity in her own right, but only to whom she “belongs”. That is one of the reason’s my husband and I decided that I wouldn’t simply take his name. We want our name to reflect that we are a unit, not simply me belonging to him. So we took on each others names and both hyphenated. It has angered some Christians, but we have received numerous comments from others saying how us sharing a name shows how much we love and respect each other; for I am not only taking his name, but my husband has the humility to do what is counter to the social norm in taking my name as well. I think it is great!

I disagree. I think that a woman should take her husband's last name. To me it is part of uniting, becoming one that sorta thing. Besides you should be able to be PROUD of the man you are marrying by carrying his name!

I don't plan on taking a new name, except perhaps socially. But even then, it's not necessary. I don't think it can be boiled down to a "should or should not" thing.

mistygail said:

I disagree. I think that a woman should take her husband's last name. To me it is part of uniting, becoming one that sorta thing. Besides you should be able to be PROUD of the man you are marrying by carrying his name!

Click to expand...

My husband and I do have the same name. It is a combination of him and me. How is that not uniting or becoming one? Our last name brings both of us and our family heritages together rather than me simply aligning myself with him.

mistygail said:

Besides you should be able to be PROUD of the man you are marrying by carrying his name!

Click to expand...

Why?
Shouldn't my man also be proud of me? Can't I be proud of him without loosing my identification with my own family name?

I think, as it has been stated, the idea of a woman taking on a man's name is a cultural thing. I think it is scary when the church allows traditional issues to to become spiritual burdens.

mistygail said:

I disagree. I think that a woman should take her husband's last name. To me it is part of uniting, becoming one that sorta thing. Besides you should be able to be PROUD of the man you are marrying by carrying his name!

Click to expand...

Uniting yes, not becoming his possession! So logically the man and woman should combine their names. The man should be proud he is marrying you also, and wish to carry your name.

I will be taking my fiance's name when we get married, but I could say that we are combining our names because they are both 6 letters long, and end in "son" so even if we wanted to combine our names into a new one, we'd still have one of our names.

I took my husband's name upon marriage, but it did cause me a lot of stress. I think that most of that has to do with having to set aside the remaining vestige of my heritage. My family has always been proud of our roots, and we bore our name like a badge. I've had a difficult time being worked into a family that doesn't have the same background as myself. I don't think that I would have done anything different though. It was important to my husband for me to take his name. When I mentioned the idea of keeping my birth name, it upset him as though I was rejecting him. So, in the end it became more important to me to show him that I accept him wholey.

I think it really depends on how the two people feel. I was pretty ambivilant about my name because my grandfather was adopted and the orphanage burned down so I don't really have any "blood" connection to my last name. My partner wasn't that keen on thier last name either and wanted my last name so I was like, "That's cool."

Now that we have a) finally decided not to have children and b) my brother and my partner's brother already have - the pressure for the "keeping the name" stuff is gone. We have talked about maybe choosing a new last name for ourselves, one that is just for us.

I took my husband's name. I see it as being symbolic of starting a new and separate family unit. I guess you could raise the issue about both taking the woman's name. That seems contrary to me when I consider how the Bible sets up the husband's and the wife's roles.

Besides, it's really a short-sighted thing to do. Think about when you have kids. What are they going to do when they married? Will they have hypenated hypenated names because that was the example set for them by their parents? Will they feel less included in the family unit because their name is different from one of the parents (if the child only takes one last name)? ...So many issues. I have a feeling all of these issues were brought up and put to rest by justing having the woman take her husband's name.

In any case, it's not something that keeps me up at night. If I wanted to honor my parents, I think holding onto my original family name would be a pretty ineffective way to do it. If I want to honor my parents, I'll pass on their values to my kids and aspire to be the kind of (good) people they were. That affects the world much more (and honors them much more) than keeping their name.

I really think that it doesn't matter as long as it suits you.

Why is every one so afraid of losing their identity if they change their last name?

I've been thinking this over for quite a long time. I've always wanted my future wife to take on my last name, but I've felt guilty about wanting her to do that at the same time. Yet I do feel strongly about it. There are many reasons.

First, I don't think I'd get along well in the long run with the type of person who'd want to keep her last name in the case where she's afraid of losing her identity. I think it's important for the couple to develop a new identity. It's true enough that the identity will be made from the respective family backgrounds, but you have to be willing to let go of Mom and Dad and their family.

Second I want to maintain long standing traditions. I like all the old traditional hymns and services. I liked that my Mom stayed home when I was a kid so that I wasn't placed into a daycare. There are traditions that I wished my family had kept such as going to church every Sunday. We did that for a bit, but as I got into high school I had to continue going on my own (with my sister). I never had the benefit of Sunday School, so I was never confirmed. I wish that I had been.

I'm certainly not trying to say that a woman should keep or change her last name. I'm just lucky that the girl I love and am going to marry also likes many of these traditions.

I hope I didn't offend anyone. This has just been rambling of my own personal opinions.

Enslow

enslow said:

Why is every one so afraid of losing their identity if they change their last name?

Click to expand...

enslow said:

First, I don't think I'd get along well in the long run with the type of person who'd want to keep her last name in the case where she's afraid of losing her identity.

Click to expand...

Maybe I missed something, but who said they were scared? I don’t think a woman desires to keep her own name does so out of fear. I can think of women who did change their name out of fear, however.

enslow said:

I think it's important for the couple to develop a new identity. It's true enough that the identity will be made from the respective family backgrounds, but you have to be willing to let go of Mom and Dad and their family.

Click to expand...

Then why aren’t men more willing to do so? Especially since the Bible tells us that it is the man that leaves his parents for his wife, not the other way around (to my knowledge).

enslow said:

I'm just lucky that the girl I love and am going to marry also likes many of these traditions.

Click to expand...

That is wonderful that you and your future wife see eye to eye on these issues. I think that is important, in that whatever decision you make, it is in full agreement between both of you!

It is really a case by case basis. But people who choose to keep thier name shouldn't be ostracized. I myself kept my last name. My name is an extremely unique name (screenname...hint hint). I am looking forward to being career woman (physician) and I have already networked using my name, which is a very hard name for people to forget! I often refer to myself as Mrs. S------ in the presence of family members and friends. I am proud to be my husband's wife and he is proud I am his wife. My husband does not care whether I change my name or not. He has no insecurities, he knows we are eternally bonded and we don't need to share a last name to prove it.