Is it wrong for a married couple to...

I wanted to add this in regards to the Original Post concerning a spirit of Oral Sex....

"Oral Sex is a powerful spirit and will not give up easily. They reside in the mouth, lips, tongue, taste buds, throat, sex organs and the mind. There must be sincere repentance followed by determined
discipline. We have seen men recover from this spirit's control."

This was quoted from a well known deliverance minister who has been dealing with spirits for over 25 years.

Jn207 said:

Ok, first of all: Get Professional Help.
From one Survivor to another, you MUST get professional help. There IS life after abuse. Even after 30+ years. I hurt for you Sister, dragging that shame and guilt around with you for so long.

Second, you dont' need to feel ashamed that God is watching you in your intimacy with your husband. He sees your actions, He knows your heart, He GLORYS in your joy! He created your joy! You can worship God through your intimacies, did you know that? You can touch your husband and give thanks to God for His creation! Try that sometime. Initiate a time in which you put your hand on your husband, a small bit at a time, and pray over each part, "Thank you, Lord, for this strong arm... for this gentle hand, for this loving mouth, for this beautifully crafted belly, for this enjoyable [part] (I think you know what I mean)".

If your husband is also a believer, he can do that same over you. It will also do miraculous wonders to your esteem about your own body, glorifying God in it for His creation and creativity.

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Your post made me cry. Thankyou ever so much. I am truly thankful for what you said. What you said has made it all seem so right. My husband is in for a treat. Thankyou so much Dear sister and may God bless you.

jacquidube said:

My husband is in for a treat.

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Amen!!!

ignorant and stupid said:

2nd: Anything consensual between a married couple is good and right.
- s/m ? Lets face it, although a lot of sexual perversion is non-consenting... alot of it is consenting, that's why its so perverted.

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Okay. I made this statement, and I was considering the question of oral sex. You're right. I should have said "Anything consensual and not painful between a married couple is good and right." I'm sorry I was not more clear about this.

Rachel

Jaquiedube, I'm so pleased to read that you're encouraged. It's not going to turn around right away, you will need time to gain your confidence back. Don't get down on yourself if you can't break those LONG standing habits right away.

You are a beautiful creature of the Most High God, in every single aspect, top to bottom, inside and out.

My heartfelt wishes for you and your husband for many years of exquisite Joy, Love and Satisfaction as you re-discover the joys of your Marriage Bed.

Oral sex is fun.

RealityCheck said:

Yes it's okay.

Yes he'd enjoy it.

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Is there anyone here, or any Biblical authority, that suggests it isn't okay? I'm still not sure it's right and feel embarrassed about asking our priest.

DH and I discussed it this evening. He's not sure he wants it because he thinks it might be demeaning for me, aside from the moral aspects. He's very thoughtful, I'm blessed to have him .

Marie D said:

So do you guys think it's OK for me to do this for my husband? So far we haven't done it this way round, but I'd like to and I'm sure he'd enjoy it. He goes down on me frequently, and I really enjoy it, and I'd like to return the favour, especially when I'm on my period so we can't do other things...

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Hold up hold up....

Up until now it's been ok to let him give you oral sex but you have not returned the favor?

That's just wrong Go forth and return the favor Marie D!

tigercub said:

Hold up hold up....

Up until now it's been ok to let him give you oral sex but you have not returned the favor?

That's just wrong Go forth and return the favor Marie D!

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Well, yes... we started off with the whole oral thing on our weddiing night because he didn't want to pressurise me into going the whole way, in case it hurt or I felt nervous, and we both liked it, so we do it a lot. Actually, I love it .

The only reason I haven't done it for him is that we understood the story of Onan and Tamar to mean that spilling a man's seed, ie a man climaxing when there's no possibility of conception, was wrong, but now people are saying otherwise and it seems quite common for Christian women to do this for their husbands.

Marie D said:

Well, yes... we started off with the whole oral thing on our weddiing night because he didn't want to pressurise me into going the whole way, in case it hurt or I felt nervous, and we both liked it, so we do it a lot. Actually, I love it .

The only reason I haven't done it for him is that we understood the story of Onan and Tamar to mean that spilling a man's seed, ie a man climaxing when there's no possibility of conception, was wrong, but now people are saying otherwise and it seems quite common for Christian women to do this for their husbands.

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uh, without being so graphic (on my part), you can perform oral on your dh with out spilling seed. You can either do oral and "finish" with conventional sex or well, you know. . .

jacquidube said:

What I meant by the hands is, that I dont mas------e him. I just cant, it doesnt feel right for me. I am so sorry I dont sound like a very good wife do I. I touch his body with my lips and I do massage him and touch the points we only read about in a book. I do so wish that I could do these things but I feel so in touch with God that I actually start to feel embaressed knowing that He is watching me. I know that may sound rediculous to some of you but I am a very private person within myself. I dont mind talking about sex but when it comes to doing it I get really embaressed. I have a nice figure and still I will not let my husband see me naked or to even look at me when we make love.
I was sexually abused for 7 years as a child so I am unable to understand how I should actually feel when touching a man. All what I had to do to my abuser I cannot do to my husband (I never had to go through oral sex with my abuser) but the other I did. I do so wish I could make my husband happy and myself but I just cant because I dont know how to feel.

Maybe I should of mentioned this at the beginning. My husband has also pushed me away on occassions when I wanted to get really close to him and so I dont go back there.
Foreplay is very important for both of us but its just got to a point where I am now confused and upset with myself because I cant really satisfy my husband. I have tried oral sex with him but I just didnt feel comfortable at all and he with me as it was his first time. We have both spoken about this and have accepted that we are both uncomfortable. My husband is from Zimbabwe and he said it was unheard of there but he did try with me after a few giggles and embaressment and I know he only did it because he felt it was the norm.
I am sure we both have to be taught that it is ok but at the moment I feel very uncomfortable.

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You have been given a lot of good advice already and I have not read every post because I have a migraine but I had to add my 2 cents and encouragement as well. I too was abused as a child for approx. 8 years. Sexual abuse really messes you up and makes it very very difficult, much more difficult I should say, to have a normal intimate relationship with your husband. It is just a sad and awful thing to overcome. But I am one survivor who is here to stand up and say, you can take back your power and fully give and recieve the gift that God has given us.

For the longest time sex did not seem like a gift to me, but it was a reminder of my abuse. My husband was never ever ever pushy with me because he knew my background and as he explained to me when we finally started to actually talk about sex he loves me more than any sex act. We were married for 10+ years and had 5 children together before I was fully set free in the area of sexual intimacy. One of the biggest factors for me was going to www.themarriagebed.com and learning what was really God's design for marital intimacy.

As someone else suggested, my husband and I prayed about it. For me, I did not talk to my husband about it before I actually was ready to give him this gift. After ward when we did talk about it and I told him why I was reluctant for so long. Of course he expected as much and he never asked me because as I said before he felt like if I was never able to perform oral sex for him that was okay because my comfort and well being were and still are more important to him. It was not an immediate change for me. And, yes, even now I still have moments when I am taken back to the abuse and I just claim that thought and give it to Jesus. Satan may try to bring back the pain etc, but I do not allow him to have any power in that area because Jesus has healed me.

My biggest bit of advice would be for you to go at your own pace and comfort level and be honest and open with your husband. One of my good friends and I meet together once a week for a bible study and one of the things we have talked about is OS and why christians are so uncomfortable with it. She was also abused and was set free in this area. Well one day we were having lunch with an awesome older lady friend of ours and we got to talking about sex. One of us mentioned something about OS and she was immediatly like "Oh gross" etc and you could see that she felt this was wrong. I wanted so much to "preach the gospel of OS" to her. . .but I knew that it was not the right time to share with her my experience ( in a public place etc ). So the next time my other friend and I talked I was like, "It is not my job to convert everyone, right?!" While I sincerly would LOVE for every married person to fully enjoy God's gift. It may not be for some people and it is best to do what is comfortable for both husband and wife.

(sorry so long winded. . . )

Bunn said:

I wanted to add this in regards to the Original Post concerning a spirit of Oral Sex....

"Oral Sex is a powerful spirit and will not give up easily. They reside in the mouth, lips, tongue, taste buds, throat, sex organs and the mind. There must be sincere repentance followed by determined
discipline. We have seen men recover from this spirit's control."

This was quoted from a well known deliverance minister who has been dealing with spirits for over 25 years.

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who was this person?

Marie D said:

The only reason I haven't done it for him is that we understood the story of Onan and Tamar to mean that spilling a man's seed, ie a man climaxing when there's no possibility of conception, was wrong, but now people are saying otherwise and it seems quite common for Christian women to do this for their husbands.

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Okay, first, does that mean it's wrong for a man to have sex with his infertile wife, or his wife who has passed the age of childbearing?

6 Judah got a wife for Er, his firstborn, and her name was Tamar. 7 But Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the LORD's sight; so the LORD put him to death. 8 Then Judah said to Onan, "Lie with your brother's wife and fulfill your duty to her as a brother-in-law to produce offspring for your brother." 9 But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so whenever he lay with his brother's wife, he spilled his sperm on the ground to keep from producing offspring for his brother. 10 What he did was wicked in the LORD's sight; so he put him to death also.
Okay, there's the quote in question. So, Er was killed for being "wicked" in whatever way. Onan was killed for disobedience of not producing his brother's heir, as was the law of their people and what God expected of him. Onan was rebellious toward his father and towards God. This is wicked and what got him killed. Not the fact that his sperm went on the ground, but because he did that in order to defy his father's command.

Rachel

Hey all of you, im a little late the topick is 9 pages already i was reading almost all of them.
Here is a book by DR. Kevin Leman "Sheet Music"
Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage.
It talks about oral sex and everything else, this book is really good especially good to read with yoru husband/wife. Helps a lot if you really serious about it. I was reading this book not once and i love it.

To the original question, I think that giving oral sex is a holy expression of union oneness and love. It does not lead my hubby to lust. He finds it very fulfilling, and the Bible says nothing against it. The only hint at it, was in the positive.

Marie D said:

The only reason I haven't done it for him is that we understood the story of Onan and Tamar to mean that spilling a man's seed, ie a man climaxing when there's no possibility of conception, was wrong, but now people are saying otherwise and it seems quite common for Christian women to do this for their husbands.

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If you are tracking when you are fertile, if you do this during times when you are sure you are NOT fertile (and during your period is usually one of those times), then whether he climaxes inside or outside makes no difference as far as conception goes.

AggressiveAngel said:

Here is my problem. I've seen in a couple places where people have made oral sex between a married couple out to be a bad thing. Even go as far as a spirit(demon) of oral sex. now i can understand it being wrong for an unmarried couple to think they can have oral sex and it not be a sin...but what i'm talking about is between a married couple. Is this wrong? Will this open me and my wife up to spirits of lust, oral sex, sexual immorality, etc...?

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I just want to add my $.02 to the idea that within a marriage, whatever a husband and wife agree to is fine. But there is no requirement to have it if one partner is unwilling or uncomfortable with the idea.
And if you are wanting to receive, you should be willing to give.

Joykins said:

If you are tracking when you are fertile, if you do this during times when you are sure you are NOT fertile (and during your period is usually one of those times), then whether he climaxes inside or outside makes no difference as far as conception goes.

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So it could be OK if we do it when I'm infertile, such as during my period, or if he doesn't actually climax?