Humility vs taken advantage of....

Oh brother, you and I are in the same boat. Considering my job, that is. I constantly wrestle with speaking up vs. being humble. Being stern vs. being passive. I am a manager at a parts store near home and it is very difficult to discern exactly what you are speaking of. I wrestle with it all the time. It becomes very frustrating because the Spirit is very convicting of holding tight my tongue.

Being humble is not meant for someone to walk all over them. Being humble is the opposite of pride and arrogance. It is putting others before us. Jesus showed us the greatest humility, but did He seem weak? Not at all. In our culture it is seen as being weak. Gentleness is not wimpy-ness . . “God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, things that are not, to reduce to nothing things that are.” (1 Corinthians 1:28-29). He called us to live in ways that show the world what God intends for all of us. It may seem like foolishness, but God’s foolishness is wiser than the wisdom of any man. Humility is not a character flaw, rather it is a quality of love being actively directed toward others. Think of God in all of his infinite power yet he cares for the little birds that are so humble and common.

Saying no and not doing everything your told doesn't mean your not being humble...it just means no, it's not what you want or need to do...

asianchexmix said:

I was wondering this question. I was driving and I was wondering...is there a difference of being humble compared to being walked on and over? Is there a difference of being taken advantage of and being humble and doing everything told? I've always wondered this. I'm a pretty nice guy and I tend not to say no to things EVEN when I can't do it. Is there a difference between it or is it that you need to be humble 24/7?

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Yes, there is a big difference between the two concepts. Being humble doesn't mean letting other people walk all over you and take advantage of you. Being humble means having a realistic view of yourself - seeing yourself as you really are, as God sees you. It means not having an over-inflated ego and not being full of pride, arrogance, and selfishness.

There is also a difference between putting other people first and letting them walk all over you. If you let other people take advantage of you, you aren't doing them any favors because they are learning the bad habit of abusing others. We should put other people before ourselves, but sometimes that means saying 'no', even when it would be easier to just give in, lay down, and let them trample over us. Sometimes, saying 'no' is the best course of action for everybody involved.

asianchexmix said:

I was wondering this question. I was driving and I was wondering...is there a difference of being humble compared to being walked on and over? Is there a difference of being taken advantage of and being humble and doing everything told? I've always wondered this. I'm a pretty nice guy and I tend not to say no to things EVEN when I can't do it. Is there a difference between it or is it that you need to be humble 24/7?

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Letting folks walk all over you isn't humility. It's kinda false humility. True humility is polite and kind, yet stands up for what's right. You can see this w/ Jesus. He was humble, but did folks walk all over him? Nope.

There is a HUGE difference. Do you genuinely want to do everything you are asked for everyone that asks? Also is you doing something for someone helping them accomplish something they couldn't do without you? Or are you enabling them to not learn how to do something themself? There has to be boundries, and sometime God doesn't want us to help for whatever reason. Boundries is a good book, it teaches about learning when to say no and when to say yes.

fishstix said:

Yes, there is a big difference between the two concepts. Being humble doesn't mean letting other people walk all over you and take advantage of you. Being humble means having a realistic view of yourself - seeing yourself as you really are, as God sees you. It means not having an over-inflated ego and not being full of pride, arrogance, and selfishness.

There is also a difference between putting other people first and letting them walk all over you. If you let other people take advantage of you, you aren't doing them any favors because they are learning the bad habit of abusing others. We should put other people before ourselves, but sometimes that means saying 'no', even when it would be easier to just give in, lay down, and let them trample over us. Sometimes, saying 'no' is the best course of action for everybody involved.

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Very well said.

I can't find a verse that says to be a welcome mat. Even Jesus stood up when the circumstances dictated (John 18:23, John 2:15). Humility is not what you do, it's the spirit in which you do it.

Read Proverbs and see how shrewd and wise the man of God is supposed to be. It doesn't say to work hard and be wise with your money so when a crack addict asks for it you have something to give them. That's foolish, which puts you on par with the one who says in his heart there is no God. Be a man, as God made you to be, and defend and protect what God has given you to be a steward of.

Jesus Himself exhorted that being humble (kind in character) also means being wise (sharp, exercising discernment, good judgment, common sense). So when you know someone is taking advantage of you and your kindness, wisdom would say to put your proverbial foot down and stand up for yourself! Wisdom is not allowing leeches to selfishly consume your energies and resources that others would more appreciate.

Matthew 10:16 Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.

Philippians 2:3-4 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

James 3:13-18 Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.

We are the salt of the earth... do what is right. Being humble means we are not self-important, but it also means we respect ourselves enough not to let others walk all over us. We respect others as greater than ourselves, but must draw the line somewhere in what they can expect out of us.

These are all people with great advice here. It is probably all better than mine.

I'd like to know where you draw the line. Like, I put all of my friends before me all the time. I listen to their problems, and sometimes it gets me quite down, but they never listen to what I have to say. This makes me feel pretty crappy.
I'd like to know where to draw the line and say "look, i feel like crap today, can we talk tomorrow?" At the moment I don't feel as though I can do that...coz that's putting myself first, and then I feel guilty anyways!

Pasat_14 said:

I'd like to know where you draw the line. Like, I put all of my friends before me all the time. I listen to their problems, and sometimes it gets me quite down, but they never listen to what I have to say. This makes me feel pretty crappy.
I'd like to know where to draw the line and say "look, i feel like crap today, can we talk tomorrow?" At the moment I don't feel as though I can do that...coz that's putting myself first, and then I feel guilty anyways!

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How wise will your council be if the moment they open their mouths you think, "Oh great, here we go again,"?

There are always people that need help. Does that mean you don't eat or sleep because you could be helping? That may be an option for a day, but you're going to have to stop to refresh yourself or you'll be of no use to anyone. Should you go out and teach others before you've taken the time to learn yourself? --"All that time I spend learning is time that could be better spent teaching others."-- What will you teach them if you don't first learn?

There comes a point when you logically will do more harm than good. There is nothing wrong with saying you've got your own burdens that are weighing you down. We all have seasons where our burdens will be greater than those we call friends. My question is how do they react when you are in need?

I would question what the purpose is of having friends that only wear on you. My understanding is friends should be there to support, encourage, and strengthen each other. If its a one way street, we don't call that person a friend, but a leech.

This is a good topic, one I've mulled over. I tend to not say no, and let people take advantage when I shouldn't, and find it hard to stand up for myself. I don't think Jesus wants us to be walked on and used. He certainly didn't let people do so, unless he had to to go along with Gods plan (for instance letting them crucify him, Jesus was letting them have their way even tho he was innocent, but thats because it had to be done), but think of the temple and the money changers, Jesus certainly wasn't timid and letting them walk on him then. He knew when someone was trying to take advantage and probably didn't let them get far at all with it.

Checking To See If Cf Is Now Posting

I would certainly suggest reading about Moses. He was said to be humble. And guess what was said of him? He was placed in charge of God's entire house, and he was spoken to face to face by the Lord God, and he was given the law and commands of God for the people.

Now can you imagine him the type of man to be walked all over? He would have never survived an entire nation of Isralites in the wilderness for forty years if that were the case. So humble must mean something else in the eyes of God.

The Lord uses this man's story with me quite frequently, perhaps it is because the Lord placed me in charge of my families house, and it is not an easy task, but it is a testing ground-a place of learning.

I was reading in 1 Peter 5:5-7 and it says this:

Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder, Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble.

Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

Which reminds me of a place in Numbers 12:1-16 this is where the Lord is anger against Aaron and Miriam, for speaking against Moses, and he calls to them and says:

"If there is a prophet among you, I the Lord will make myself known unto him in a vision, and will speak unto him in a dream. My servant Moses is not so, who is faithful in all mine house. With him will I speak mouth to mouth, even apparently, and not in dark speeches; and the similtude of the Lord shall he behold: wherefore then were ye not afraid to speak against my servant Moses?"

Then the Lords anger got kindled against Miriam and she became leprous (because it was she that spoke out against Moses's wife who was Ethiopian). Aaron asked Moses to forgive Miriam, his sister, and not consider her one of the dead ( I personally always found that an interesting analogy- you can also find that with Naaman in Kings, fascinating) so Moses asks God to heal her (or forgive her sin and raise her from the dead - if you will) so then after seven days outside the camp, Miriam was forgiven (clean).

So this is a really fascinating example of humility, because it is about (humbling yourself, or lowering yourself). See it is said of Jesus that he lowered himself, a little lower than the angels, and he took on the seed of man, Abraham to be exact. In order that he might take upon him the sins of this world (man). Also Jesus had said, he did not come to be served, but to serve. So if we want to be considered great in the Kingdom of God we must become less here, to be great there. (Doesnt make much sense does it, unless you understand humility).


I think I will stop here for a moment and let this sink in. Personally I like to let things just absorb for awhile and meditate on them, see what the Lord will teach me with the little I have been given. This is good.

Be blessed

from dictionary.com...the definition of humility: a prominent Christian grace (Rom. 12:3; 15:17, 18; 1 Cor. 3:5-7; 2 Cor. 3:5;
Phil. 4:11-13). It is a state of mind well pleasing to God (1 Pet. 3:4); it
preserves the soul in tranquillity (Ps. 69:32, 33), and makes us patient under
trials (Job 1:22). Christ has set us an example of humility (Phil. 2:6-8). We
should be led thereto by a remembrance of our sins (Lam. 3:39), and by the
thought that it is the way to honour (Prov. 16:18), and that the greatest
promises are made to the humble (Ps. 147:6; Isa. 57:15; 66:2; 1 Pet. 5:5). It
is a "great paradox in Christianity that it makes humility the avenue to
glory."

I am a child of the King..I do not crawl. I do however equate humility with service. So in every situation I ask...how can this serve my Lord?