Self Choice Single Parenting

TJWutch said:

I think a child needs guidance from both sexes. It doesn't necessarily have to be a husband. A brother or another positive guy, who can afford the time to be constant role model in the child’s life, would work as well.

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Your right! My son is 12 and he has/had an abusive father that didn't want him in the first place and when he wasn't abusing him, ignored & neglectied him.

He has found positive male role models in other males, his friends fathers, his brother's in-law (sister's B/F's) and his uncle, he hasn't seen his 3 older brothers in awhile so I can't count them.

Your a good man to be taking on the challenge of your younger brother and I hope it all works out for you! GOD BELSS YOU!

I feel that adoption would be ok, sperm donor no. I think it is very selfish to purposely bring a child into the world without having a father for them. I'm not talking about an unplanned pregnancy.

In adoption the child is already here. A single parent may be 100 times better than where they were. I agree with the other posters that they need a Christian male influence. This is something that my son needs more of.

I have been considering being a foster parent. So, I don't see anything wrong with being a single parent by choice as long as you can provide for the child like you need to.

LALaurie said:

I have been considering being a foster parent. So, I don't see anything wrong with being a single parent by choice as long as you can provide for the child like you need to.

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Foster children need us as much as we WANT children. I am a single father of a 13 year old boy who's been in foster care since he was 10 (he'll be 14 in September). He's been in MY care since he was 11.

While I am single, I do have friends who help with a female presence in his life. In fact, when he came into my care, we switched him from a male mentor to a female counselor. Most of his teachers were female, and his best friend's mother became his "mom away from home," so he would stay with them while I travel on business.

Single parent adoption is not only a blessing for you, but truly a blessing for the children who would otherwise age out in foster care, leaving them with nothing more than "basic training for adults" when they hit the streets after they turn 18.

Where would we be if we didn't have our families to turn to for advice and support once we left the nest? Imagine not having anything LIKE that to help guide you.

Oh, and I am adopting. It should be final over the summer. How we got from where we started to his WANTING me to adopt him is another story entirely.

I don't see anything wrong with adopting or artificial insemination as long as you feel that that is what God wants you to do. Children are a blessing, and if both parents aren't there, then as long as you have a positive role model (as others have said) of the opposite sex for them to communicate with then I think it is perfectly fine.

I wouldn't go with AI... that's just one step away from sex before marriage. However, I think it's fantastic that single parents want to adopt/foster children. In fact, for the children, it's sometimes even better. It is important to have role models of both sexes, say, for instance, a child was coming out of a home where her father beat her... she might be afraid of men, and being placed in a home with a single woman would be good for her. I'm very afraid that the fact that I want to stay single will prevent me from being a foster parent someday. It frustrates me so much... there are so many children needing homes, and so many parents wanting children, but... but it's hard to get those needy children to those wanting parents.

Andi @ Cirrutopia said:

I wouldn't go with AI... that's just one step away from sex before marriage. However, I think it's fantastic that single parents want to adopt/foster children. In fact, for the children, it's sometimes even better. It is important to have role models of both sexes, say, for instance, a child was coming out of a home where her father beat her... she might be afraid of men, and being placed in a home with a single woman would be good for her. I'm very afraid that the fact that I want to stay single will prevent me from being a foster parent someday. It frustrates me so much... there are so many children needing homes, and so many parents wanting children, but... but it's hard to get those needy children to those wanting parents.

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I'm single, and social services jumped all over the chance to bring me in as a foster parent. In fact, once they'd placed my son with me, they kept calling to see if I could help with others.

If you feel you can foster, foster. They really need us.

DonVA said:

I'm single, and social services jumped all over the chance to bring me in as a foster parent. In fact, once they'd placed my son with me, they kept calling to see if I could help with others.

If you feel you can foster, foster. They really need us.

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Thanks! That's really encouraging. I won't be able to foster for a while (one more year of high school, then college, then we'll see how grad school goes.) I want to be a child psychotherapist, but if I have a job where I can work daytimes (when the foster son/daughter is at school) things could work out nicely. I really, really want to provide and loving and safe home for kids who have endured the trauma of being removed from theirs.

I've wondered the same thing. I would love to have a daughter. I don't think I want to get married though. Marriage stinks. Do you have to be rich to foster a child? I'll probably always be low-medium income.

sandra8230 said:

I've wondered the same thing. I would love to have a daughter. I don't think I want to get married though. Marriage stinks. Do you have to be rich to foster a child? I'll probably always be low-medium income.

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You do not have to be rich. Believe me. Social Services would like to see that you are able to support yourself, though. There are some subsidies available for foster children to help parents meet all of their needs.

Update: The adoption of my 14 year old foster child became final this week.

We are finally, legally, father and son.

Glory to God.

I believe God made marriage as a means for procreation. In that a women has responsibilities and a man as well. It is very difficult for a women to be a dad. We are not built like that. And vice versa. The marriage team is very important in child rearing. I will also say being a single parent is not easy. I have been there. Marriage is not always easy either but given the choice I would never choose single parenting over marriage. My days were spent working and making dinner and lunches and bathing my son. My weekends spent getting groceries, doing laundry and cleaning house. Between work and responsiblities my relationship with my son was declining. My relationship with my son is much closer and he is much happier since I married. Blessings to you.

Just my two cents, even if you don't have some positive male role model, you can still be a foster or adoptive parent. My children lost their father before any of them were even in school yet. They've never had a male influence in their lives that really stood out, and they are fine anyway. I grew up with two fathers, and neither one of the was a good influence on me. As long as you raise them with the Lord and do the best you can, you don't need anyone but who you are. God's grace is sufficient. Of course, the more people who love the child, the better. Don't let singlehood keep you from helping a child who needs love. Sperm implantation doesn't seem right to me either if you are single because there are so many kids out there who need a good home.

I'm glad I found this thread. The general consensus among people I've raised this subject with (not here in particular) seems to be that those of us who are single and childless do not have the right to be pregnant with our own genetic child; that it's selfish to bring a fatherless child into the world.

Does this mean it's just something we have to endure? If I were infertile then, yes, I would clearly have to accept that, but I am fertile. If God hadn't intended me to have children, why is my body able to reproduce?

eta: I also want to foster/adopt. I really do think that I will be able to provide for the child and while it's all very nice to imagine a two-parent family, life isn't always like that. While my mum was married, she may as well have been a single parent for the amount of input we and she got from my stepfather. I guess I'm just thinking aloud. I feel it in my heart to bring a child into my home and I guess I'm facing opposition from all around which makes me unsure of WHEN is the right time. But then I look at teen mothers, and if THEY can do it, surely I can at my age?