Let's tie the knot already!!!

If you've found someone that you are compatible with (especially spiritually) then you're probably on the right track. Have the two of you attended any communication, marriage prep, or engagement encounter type stuff yet?
Back when I was 19 I made the mistake of continuing in a dating relationship with someone who I found out was not born again even though he believed in God and attended church. I didn't see the red flags with him, didn't listen to my mom, and just didn't know enough to realize that similarities usually make for a good marriage, not a boring one.
My current SO and I discussed many of the problem areas like money, etc. on our first dates. I found a list of questions at a Christian bookstore that are designed to help you ask the questions that need to be asked. You should make sure that you have discussed everything and it would be great if you two were financially stable so money didn't cause additional stress on your relationship. I didn't actually marry until I was 21 and my ex had supposedly become a Christian, but I really didn't know what I was doing.
I understand how hard it is to wait, but it will be worth it to make sure you are both ready and right for eachother.

So I am wondering.... WHY May 2007? If he's finished school and you've been dating for 4 years..... I just don't understand the purpose of the wait ??

To answer your question, yes, I have felt the way you do. I've been dating my BF for a year, but I'm 23 and he's 25. So in my story, I feel like we're both old enough to get married. In yours, you've just known each other so dang long!

I know what it feels like to think you're at a standstill - I kind of feel that way right now about my relationship. But the truth is, you are never at a standstill. You have the opportunity to learn about your partner every single day, whether you are friends, dating, or married. You have the opportunity to talk, to do things together (albeit not everything), to hang out... so it's really not that bad.

And, I must say, I do understand where your boyfriend's coming from. Leanna says, "What's the wait?" Well, he says, "What's the RUSH?" I know it doesn't seem like a rush from the four years of knowing each other mindset, but it does seem a little quick from the "We're 19" perspective. That's awfully young when there's not a glaring reason why you should run to the courthouse.

Anyway, just my two cents. I don't think rushing him will get ya anywhere. And by the way, I don't think money's a big deal, as long as you make enough to live on your own. I've never understood the mindset of having to be perfectly comfortable financially to get married, except that I think you shouldn't marry if all you're going to do is live with the folks. I mean, lots of people won't be financially stable until they are their thirties. So maybe if you assured him that he's not going to be financially responsible for the two of you right off the bat, that would take something off his shoulders?

I got married at 19 and if I had to do it over again..... I would. I would have waited 6 more months though to save more money.

Im in the same situation trust me, lol, guys generaly can wait but obviously us girls cant. we just want to get married and for our big day to come. i want kids, lots of em.

i'm in exactly the same situation too!! my BF and i have been together for almost 3.5 years. he'll be 20 in december and i'll be 19 in a couple of weeks. we both decided that we didn't want to get married while we're both still in uni, it would just make life too complicated . so it looks like i'll be finishing uni first, i have just over 2 years left... that seems like forever!!

anyway, so i understand the whole feeling like you've reached the point where you can't really take your relationship to the next level (emotionally and physically), because the next level is marriage! lol! it's really frustrating hey?

me and my BF just make sure that we have solid boundaries to ensure that we don't enter the 'marriage' stage of things too early .

as for the waiting thing, i think my BF is just as excited as me but i think he tries not to show it as much coz there's no point in getting excited about something that obviously can't happen (right now that is). i think it freaks him out from time to time as well, the prospect of spending the rest of your life with someone is kinda scary sometimes. we also try not to have any 'expectations' that we'll get married. we both know that at any time God can lead either one of us in a different direction. for that reason we try not to plan too far ahead, especially as we're in a situation where we can't get married anyway.

stay strong Amy, stick to your boundaries and trust in God's timing. it'll all work out

(feel free to PM me if you want to chat)

chocolateloverjen said:

Im in the same situation trust me, lol, guys generaly can wait but obviously us girls cant. we just want to get married and for our big day to come. i want kids, lots of em.

Click to expand...

Actually, until I met my current BF I had no desire to marry or have children... and it still kind of irks me that I have changed my mind!

Heh... i'm one of these ones who pushed the wedding date forward.. 2 weeks..

Seriously though, keep to a date both of you are happy with, and waiting saves money, so is also great!

2ndly, talk to an older and mature adult about it who knows you two well... see what thye suggest.

Money issues is one of the major causes of divorce. You don't have to be rich, but you do need to talk about it and see if your thoughts about saving and spending are compatible.

i feel the same way you guys do, sometimes. I'm 19 and i've been dating my bf for almost a year, but we've been good friends since i was a sophmore in H.S. (except for a little mishap my junior year). The problem is he's only 17 and still in H.S. and he's planning on getting his PHD in chemical engineering so we're going to be dating forever and then some.

i feel the same way you guys do, sometimes. I'm 19 and i've been dating my bf for almost a year, but we've been good friends since i was a sophmore in H.S. (except for a little mishap my junior year). The problem is he's only 17 and still in H.S. and he's planning on getting his PHD in chemical engineering so we're going to be dating forever and then some.

Click to expand...

Oh wow, I am sorry.

If my boyfriend and I make it that far, it probably won't be until after a year after I graduate college (5 years) until we could get married, and that's once again with the big "if" at the beginning of the sentence. Our relationship is wonderful (1 year Friday, woot), but we can't know what could happen in the next few years, months, or even weeks.

Oh, the drama of being a young 'un.

While I agree that we are young, and that we don't know what is going to happen in the next few months or years, shouldn't we work through those things w/ them anyway? I guess being older means you have more life experience, but they also run into things that they don't know about, and don't know how to handle...just some thoughts

I do know how you feel.

I'm engaged to the man of my dreams! We have been dating for 2.5 years, and they have been the most blissful 2.5 years of my life...but even though we are engaged, sometimes I feel like we are stuck in this limbo between engagement and marriage.

I'm eager to begin my life as his wife as soon as possible...whereas at times, it seems to me like he would be perfectly content just *waiting* and saying that one day we'll marry. I want to set a date officially (we were hoping for December 2006, but now he says he would be more comfortable if we waited until at least early 2007, to make sure our finances are in order), I want to start PLANNING...I want my big day to arrive!

There's no doubt in my mind that we will marry...this is certainly something that FH & I have both spent much time on our knees praying about, and we would have not entered in the commitment of engagement if we both did not feel that God was leading us to and blessing us and our relationship. It's just a matter of WHEN.

I'm only 18, but it definitely feels like my biological clock is tick, tick, ticking.

Hm, seems like several of us girls on here have an urge to grab our guys and hurry down to the courthouse! Or something like that. I get that bug sometimes, too, but I know that I'm not yet ready to be someone's wife. Both he and I have college to finish...and we both know too that God's plan can change at anytime. It seems like it'll be forever to wait (if we are the ones God has intended to be together forever). We also, in some ways, seem to be at an emotional and physical standstill. But just the other night we were talking about how I have never seen him truly angry, and he has never seen me that way either or really hyper-excited (hey, I'm just a mellow person!). We still have so much to learn about and from one another. May last a lifetime...or (sadly) may not. It is ultimately up to God.

Oh, and about the biological clock ticking? Yeah, I hear ya. I will be 21 soon, and I'm thinking, it may be another 3-5 years (or longer!) before I'm married. I used to want to be married at 24, become pregnant sometime after our one-year anniversary, and have all my kids (2 or 3) by 31. Now that was way before I had a boyfriend. I hadn't even thought about that for a long time till just now. COULD still happen I suppose, but we'll just have to see!

I constantly think about my future wedding, as well--and I think I probably nag my poor fiance to death about it!

My fiance & I are considering Valentine's Day of 2007 as our wedding date, and while it seems like it is still sooo far off, it also feels like it will get here in no time (and especially with the way it seems like time has been flying lately)! We have been considering a number of dates and although we haven't officially set one yet, I have website after website of wedding tips, decorations, favors, etc. bookmarked, and I have also picked out several wedding dresses that I just ADORE, as well as bridesmaid dresses.

My fiance probably rolls his eyes at me sometimes, but I am just *so* excited to finally be able to call him my husband. Our wedding day cannot come soon enough.

I think things like this are normal. Typically, women dream of their wedding day from the time they are young. I have a friend who does not even have a boyfriend currently (she was engaged for a time once) but she knows exactly how she wants her wedding to be--and she will not compromise with anybody...including her ex fiance.

~ Regina ~

Amy47 said:

I didn't expect the response I've gotten, ALL advice is much appreciated. Well to answer your question Leanna, I want to get married at the end of May, and this May would be too soon. Why? Well I'm going to get my teeth fixed (orthodontics, not braces) so that's $1500 at least, and he's has to buy a lap top since that's the field he's getting into, so that's another $2000, and not to mention he needs to buy a car. So you see it starts to add up. BUT luckily those are the only things we feel we need. So within the next year we'll be saving up $ (with the expection of expenses) and like I have been for the last year I'll be buying house hold items here and there for when I'm married. We both came from families that struggled financially in the beginning, we want to feel at least a little finanicially secure.

You know one thing that I think I have a problem with, is I constantly think about my future wedding. As sad as it may sound I already have all the songs for my wedding (prelude, ceremony & reception) picked out and on CD. I even have a picture of what my brides maids dresses are going to look like. yikes...Is this pathetic or normal????

Click to expand...

I don't think it's weird... however, maybe constantly thinking about it's not the best. With everything, there has to be balance in our lives (believe me, I'm saying that because I have a problem with balance, not because I'm the expert!) What I do when I'm fixated with anything is say, "Okay, one hour to X" (X being look at dresses, listen to gooey wedding songs etc.) and then that's it. Leave it alone. Don't get so caught up in any one thing that it takes up an inordinate amount of time.

But nope, don't think it's strange. I was the Anti-Nuptial Queen until recently, and I'll see a dress and start thinkin... ugh. Better get back down to earth!

(((Amy47))) He proposed in July, on my birthday. It was truly such a memorable & wonderful day for me! He went out of his way to make a special day for us, including taking us on a picnic in a park about an hour away from where we live--just because I mentioned once a few months earlier that I would like to do that sometime. I thought the day was over when he took me back to his house for my birthday cake...and there placed on top of my big slice of chocolate cake was an engagement ring! He got down on one knee as I just sat there staring at the ring, with my fork still in my hand (I had been preparing to take a big ol' bite when I saw the ring) and said, "Regina, I love you with all my heart. I am sure that God has ordained for us to be together, and I am ready to spend the rest of my life with you...will you marry me?" I cried and laughed and somehow managed to get out a "Duh! Yes, of course!"

Our engagement will be about 19 months if we decide on the February 14, 2007 date...longer than the ideal engagement, yes, and longer than he or I would like it to be, yes...but probably most ideal for our situation. Our parents are supportive of our engagement and our future marriage, but they would like us to finish college first. We reached a compromise and agreed we would wait until early 2007, when my fiance will be finished with his Associate's Degree and going for his Bachelor's, and I'll have about 1-2 years left before I get my Bachelor's Degree. In addition, the longer engagement will give us more time to save as much as we can for our marriage.

Since I am very much a perfectionist and plan on making favors, invitations, programs, etc. myself, I will probably be very busy for the next 16 months!

~ Regina ~