SnuP said:
I have expierance many of those same feelings and thoughts. Even searching for proof of God's existance. But God has proven Himself many time with power.
I spent three years without being rain on while I rode my bike 3 hour a day. This started after I recieved an endowment of faith one day and spoke against a storm and i watched it stop raining as soon as i stepped out under the clouds. The rain obey every detail of the prophetic word that I had spoken a few moment earlier.
Then I had a vision of the throne room and God told me that the woman in which I was in love would marry me, even though at the time she was dating another. We were engaged six months later after she called me from a state away and said that she wanted to come home even though everyone that she used to know had moved away and I was the only one left. God had told her to marry me after she spent some time seeking His will for her life.
These and many other experiences of proof that God offered me have moved me to a deeper level of intimacy with God. I have experienced enough of Him to understand what His reality is. I challenged God to prove Himself, and He proved Himself greater then I expected. I have found that He has answered every prayer that I have ever prayed, and because most of these prayers were out of a pure heart they have come to pass like or better then I ever expected.
Every time God moves in my life it produces a greater desire to have God move in me. It is a deepening of the hunger. I just can't get enough.
IN Christ
SnuP
Well I guess you are lucky; God answered your calls for proof. I am, at the moment, having especially big struggles with the Bible. The issue of predestination and God choosing people (rather than them choosing to follow Him) is what's a major problem-the Bible does clearly teach that God "hardens whom he wants to harden" and makes others believe; there is no free will regarding salvation. That idea disturbs me, and it's not one that can be ignored when it's said so plainly in Romans 9. I don't feel particularly "chosen"; I just feel like my faith flucctuates with the situations in life and the things I come across. As for my non-believing friends; well-God hardened them; He chose for them to reject Him (as it says in Romans 9) so I don't see why I should even bother trying to convince them of the truth. And then scriptures declare that God wishes for all to be saved, confusing matters further....(although Calvinists can, apparently, explain away such verses.)
Mark, I appreciate your kind words-but with all due respect, I believe you are incorrect in this instance. I am about as spiritual as a blind fool; I have philosophy, I have theology, I have intelligence and creativity-but I have little peace about God's character; as He is depicted in the Bible is often frightening and disturbing to me. I have an understanding of Christ's teachings and I believe God has helped me picture Him as the eternal being rather than a mere man; but issues of salvation, of Hell, of judgement, of a lack of anything tangible of God, constantly and relentlessly harrass me. I wish I could switch of my intellect and see this God that everyone else sees, but instead I see inconsistency, impossible concepts, and never ending debates.
I hope God recues me soon. Perhaps He will again-perhaps I'll be in His presence again. But what happens three weeks later, three weeks after such an encounter with the Holy Spirit? Will it be back to square one, with a thousand questions and not a single answer?
Sorry for the anger, but online is the only place to vent. If you feel angry at my post, then feel free to express that anger. But remember; I am not doing this to hurt anyone but perhaps to save my own mind.
He's wonderful.
