Recent content by Nendem

I have severe anxiety that spirals out of control from time to time..and now its favorite playground is in my mind telling me I sinned too much, making my heart too calloused to genuinely repent, and that I’m just waiting on the bus to Hell...I’ve wracked my brain, tried to reason and figure out...

what do you mean?

I know salvation isn't based on a feeling, but in examining myself, I don't know if I was ever actually saved, or merely believed on an intellectual message in the Bible, and emotionally had an affinity for what I thought was God, but somehow never actually accepted Jesus. I don't know...

I feel, and maybe it's just my anxiety, in that realizing my error and trying to repent, that I am indeed crucifying Jesus afresh..I hate it and feel terrible about it, like I completely forgot my first love or something, I just got indifferent and stepped away for a few years, and now in coming...

Well, I didn't replace Jesus with another religion, but I kinda gave up on praying to Him. I would pray to God but not Jesus, as I felt like I wasn't sure who was listening to me...I don't remember renouncing Christianity, I thought maybe world religions were man's attempt at explaining God, but...

It isn’t that I don’t want him to be, it’s a combination of fear and guilt that makes me feel like He isn’t. I believe in the Bible and I believe in my need for Jesus, but I fear if I apostatized then I am lost forever.

I believe Jesus is the Messiah. He is the King. But in my heart of hearts, I fear he’s not my king, that I pushed him away and the Holy Spirit left me. And at other times, I feel he never was my king or else I wouldn’t have strayed like I did..that is my dilemma. I feel like an apostate, like I...

there was a time I didn’t care...I was abroad living for myself not keeping my mind on the things above. I had a wake up call that caused me to step back and ask what in the world have I been doing...it’s confusing and has been difficult but ultimately I prefer to be here dealing with things...

I certainly believe in God and want to be in communion with him again. Maybe I always have been, I don’t know for sure, but I certainly got off track for a bit and deeply wish it wouldn’t has happened...but I pray He grants me time and reconciles me back to Him.

because for true repentance, one must believe they personally are forgiven. I’m not really sure right now that Jesus is mine...sometimes I believe he is, and other times I believe I am delusional as my fruit indicates I wasn’t a believer..or at least not anymore.

I am certainly a doubting Thomas, and I don’t say that with pride. But I’m also aware my head and my heart are two different things.

I’ve done a lot of self-examination recently, and it’s been difficult to nail down for sure if I was a believer. I definitely thought I was, but in hindsight I’m not so sure. I was serious, and committed to it, but ultimately only God knows our hearts, and my doubt is if I really completely...

I guess it’s a question of when does doubt become actual disbelief? And is the consequence permanent? If I repent of that, does it matter?

Apologies if in the wrong forum. I’ve posted a similar topic before, but this is a bit different. Basically I’m worried that I was a ‘theist’ for a few months of my life, and if so, if that means I’m now apostate and can’t return to Jesus. I was in my early twenties, backslidden and not...

thank you for your encouragement