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Recent content by Brynwizard

  1. B

    Hook me in 20 words or less

    And now, for a little alliteration: He looked like a ragged, penniless street-person. Imagine my shock when he turned out to be an intergalactic time-traveling trillionaire.
  2. B

    Has this ever happened to anyone?

    What sunstruckdream said. This is the first indication that the MC is turning into her character. Stronger indications to follow. It would be a Jekyll and Hyde deal, where the MC doesn't want to be her character. Before long she wouldn't have much choice. Or you could go any way you want...
  3. B

    Scene Analysis

    It's a cheap scene, built entirely by playing on the viewers' fear that Sugar is going to kill the old man. If you enjoy watching a self-absorbed bully jerk an honest, hardworking, defenseless old guy around, this scene was written for you. I haven't seen the movie so I went to the Christian...
  4. B

    Hook me in 20 words or less

    I hope this doesn’t get me banned. He remembered getting drunk and disrobing. He did not, however, recall journeying to a remote planet with a gorgeous alien.
  5. B

    Give it another go, or is it time to let it go?

    The way I read the account, the copies are gone. Therefore, it's not possible to have somebody read the story. Maybe Bluebonnet could clarify, as to whether all the copies are gone or not. It sure sounds to me like they are.
  6. B

    Why Atheists Dislike Christianity

    Loved your opening! I took your advice, though, and stopped reading when you got started on the possibility of God lying [He cannot] and brought in the gnostic gospels. Not interested. For anyone reading this who appreciates the unique perspective brought by former aetheists to Christianity, C...
  7. B

    Hook me in 20 words or less

    Life intrudes. Or so I thought until I spotted the eighty-foot mega-shark, and then I thought death intrudes. Big time.
  8. B

    Fantasy novel opening scenes

    Mixed reactions. Here are three of them. 1. The first segment contains some interesting elements, but I didn’t find the MC likeable. To be honest, I found him a mildly off putting. 2. The second section segment is a little frontloaded with description. Not necessarily bad...
  9. B

    My Own Prison-Short Story Critique

    One person's reaction; take it for what it's worth. I liked the opening a lot. It grabbed my attention, and made me want to know more. As I continued to read, however, I encountered some wordiness and some repetition. Mostly, though, my attention flagged because my expectation of Something...
  10. B

    My Search

    Very compelling, vivid, engaging and expressive. Is the message here that Christians are prone to ignore a brother or sister in pain--even overwhelming pain--and that God Himself is the only reliable help in times of extreme need?
  11. B

    How to start

    I read this from a famous and successful editor: Boring Beginnings: If you have to rely onyour readers' patience while you get the story set up, you're likely to lose most of them. Start where the protagonist's problem starts, or just before that, and feed in the backstory later.This is the MTV...