Just wanna share some of my life story so far with everyone
I'm 24 years old. I started smoking pot and taking pills at a young age I was in 7th grade. In 9th grade I got directly
hit by a EF-5 tornado[April 27], and everything around me was destroyed but the meat cooler I was in. The beams of the
building was twisted, my dads car had a gas pump in it, and if he would have been 5 minutes later then what he did he would
have been sitting there and got killed. He left and came to my work, which was down the road from where he was at the time.
He didn't want to leave me. He told me he prayed God take me and leave my son. He spared us all, by the grace of GOD I and
others was saved. A little bit older I overdosed on pills, and was in the hospital fighting for my life. I didn't even
know where I was at and what I was doing. I was smoking a crayon thinking it was a cigarette, that's how messed up I was
at the time. I was around 16 or 17 when this happend. And over the course of my teenage years, I was addicted to drugs. I
took all kinds of different drugs, I really don't want to list them all. When I was around 19 years old I started having
spiritual attacks and my mind was all out of whack.
I would play games and have thoughts like " If I make this shot i'ma sell my soul... then i would think something like no no I don't mean that and I would do it over and over."
And just would have crazy thoughts like this. ( As a younger kid I would have a headache and keep shaking my head even though I had a headache just to see if it was still there)
I would flip the light switch off and close the door,lock it and put the chain on the door..Then open it back up look outside and flip the light on and then back off too make sure it was really off etc.
I fought with the evil thoughts about selling my soul or what not, and one night it was like I had enough and I thought the thought, or maybe I said it I can't remember. And I had the worst fear come up on my whole body and knew I had to get it Church.
I fought with the worst mental attacks of my life CONSTANTLY throughout the whole day. I couldn't go to sleep, I even was sleep paralyzed and heard a voice say " HEYYYYY THEREEEE" and I got so scared I left my room and didn't go back in it for years.
I was reading the bible strugling that I done sold my soul and there was no hope and I came across a verse in the bible
Ezekiel 18:4
4 Behold, all souls are mine; as the soul of the father, so also the soul of the son is mine: the soul that sinneth, it shall die.
A weight lifted off me and I just had my proof that I didn't even own my soul.
My mother told me there's nothing you can't be forgiven for expect blaspheming the Holy Ghost. When she told me that I tried my best to not to think anything bad then boom...... I had a curse word go through my mind about the Holy Ghost I really don't even wanna write. And ptetty much this happend plus alot of other things like.... "Sa... is my god now." I would pray and think and I would put the enemys name in place of where Jesus was supposed to go. This happened for so long, it seemed like forever.
I went to mental health talked with some doctors she told me it sounds like OCD. So she gave me paxil and I took it and started at 10mg and eventually ended up on 40mg of paxil.
Just hoping one day that Jesus would forgive me and take this away, I had this hope.
I went to Churh one night and I go to a Church where they speak in tongues.And this is true I was thinking in my mind thinking " Jesus your my Shepard , Jesus I am your sheep " over and over and over. Tongues broke out in Church and my Pastor has the gift of interpretation and he replied " Yea, you are my sheep yea, I am your Shepard " I praised the LORD it was the happiest thing I have felt in months!!! After service I told him that I felt like it was for me, I still had the thoughts but I had this hope now. This truth you know?
I stayed on my medication and trusted in God , read Gods Word wrote down verses memorized watched sermons everything I could do. Eventually the thoughts were no longer as bad or bothering me almost completely gone! I felt new brand new!!!!!!!!!
I met this girl we started dating, ( yeah I was about 21-22 and never really really dated before or even had sex) We got married January 2016 and for the next 3 years I had a new life. Looking back I did mess up and should've did some things different but no evil thoughts...
I had to get surgery to get my wisdom teeth removed and was prescribed like 30 pain pills.
I took them and then kept taking them and was addicted to them.I started to go back to my old ways, abusing them snorting them too just get high. Then I stoled a pain pill from my dad to get high. Then I had a thought " I wonder if it was the weed that really did me this way or not" Then I got back on weed smoking it. I smoked a gram a day for 6 months never missed a day, and I started doing ' dabs ' which was very potent. Started listening to this evil rap music with some pretty vile lyrics.....
I always also had a fear of my wife cheating on me also.
When I first started back smoking weed again, my wife had this co worker friend who smoked weed.She asked him to bring her some back for me. He went to Colorado and brought back some weed and she went over to his house picked it up and brought it home and gave it to me. Months rolled by and one day i found out on google maps she visited his house again besides that one time. I asked her and she lied pretty much and I thought the worst like hey my wife has been cheating on me, and I TRIED SO HARD for 4 MONTHS everyday to get this out my mind. I would have thoughts over and over about them having sex and It haunted me for 4 months straight. I thought nothing would ever be the same.
After this i was really paranoid and couldn't trust anyone my cousins, my dad etc... I would call her everyday and cry and cuss her and demand her home and I just couldn't drop it.
I regret all this now because I know nothing went on but I was so heart broken. I couldn't see why God allowed this gave her to me and this happened.
One night I was smoking weed with my 2 cousins and I was sitting there and I had a random thought like a whisper pop in my mind that said " I love sa... "
Right after I thought " OH NO here we go again "
balling asking for prayer I knew this is a spiritual attack.
And since September of 2018 I have been plagued again with blasphemous thoughts.
It's been almost 6-7 months of me going through this everyday.
And since I have heard more messages in tongues being spoken.
I just feel like God can't forgive me a second time.
I went back to the Doctor just recently it's been 1 week today and I am now on Zoloft 25mg and in 1 week I go to 50mg
Please pray for me I prayed to never go back through this mental torment again and sometimes I feel like I can't go on no more. The fear that grips me and the millions of questions that go through my mind. I have since stopped smoking weed, listening to rap music heck i just plugged my computer back in after months of it being in the closet.
I'm 24 years old. I started smoking pot and taking pills at a young age I was in 7th grade. In 9th grade I got directly
hit by a EF-5 tornado[April 27], and everything around me was destroyed but the meat cooler I was in. The beams of the
building was twisted, my dads car had a gas pump in it, and if he would have been 5 minutes later then what he did he would
have been sitting there and got killed. He left and came to my work, which was down the road from where he was at the time.
He didn't want to leave me. He told me he prayed God take me and leave my son. He spared us all, by the grace of GOD I and
others was saved. A little bit older I overdosed on pills, and was in the hospital fighting for my life. I didn't even
know where I was at and what I was doing. I was smoking a crayon thinking it was a cigarette, that's how messed up I was
at the time. I was around 16 or 17 when this happend. And over the course of my teenage years, I was addicted to drugs. I
took all kinds of different drugs, I really don't want to list them all. When I was around 19 years old I started having
spiritual attacks and my mind was all out of whack.
I would play games and have thoughts like " If I make this shot i'ma sell my soul... then i would think something like no no I don't mean that and I would do it over and over."
And just would have crazy thoughts like this. ( As a younger kid I would have a headache and keep shaking my head even though I had a headache just to see if it was still there)
I would flip the light switch off and close the door,lock it and put the chain on the door..Then open it back up look outside and flip the light on and then back off too make sure it was really off etc.
I fought with the evil thoughts about selling my soul or what not, and one night it was like I had enough and I thought the thought, or maybe I said it I can't remember. And I had the worst fear come up on my whole body and knew I had to get it Church.
I fought with the worst mental attacks of my life CONSTANTLY throughout the whole day. I couldn't go to sleep, I even was sleep paralyzed and heard a voice say " HEYYYYY THEREEEE" and I got so scared I left my room and didn't go back in it for years.
I was reading the bible strugling that I done sold my soul and there was no hope and I came across a verse in the bible
Ezekiel 18:4
4 Behold, all souls are mine; as the soul of the father, so also the soul of the son is mine: the soul that sinneth, it shall die.
A weight lifted off me and I just had my proof that I didn't even own my soul.
My mother told me there's nothing you can't be forgiven for expect blaspheming the Holy Ghost. When she told me that I tried my best to not to think anything bad then boom...... I had a curse word go through my mind about the Holy Ghost I really don't even wanna write. And ptetty much this happend plus alot of other things like.... "Sa... is my god now." I would pray and think and I would put the enemys name in place of where Jesus was supposed to go. This happened for so long, it seemed like forever.
I went to mental health talked with some doctors she told me it sounds like OCD. So she gave me paxil and I took it and started at 10mg and eventually ended up on 40mg of paxil.
Just hoping one day that Jesus would forgive me and take this away, I had this hope.
I went to Churh one night and I go to a Church where they speak in tongues.And this is true I was thinking in my mind thinking " Jesus your my Shepard , Jesus I am your sheep " over and over and over. Tongues broke out in Church and my Pastor has the gift of interpretation and he replied " Yea, you are my sheep yea, I am your Shepard " I praised the LORD it was the happiest thing I have felt in months!!! After service I told him that I felt like it was for me, I still had the thoughts but I had this hope now. This truth you know?
I stayed on my medication and trusted in God , read Gods Word wrote down verses memorized watched sermons everything I could do. Eventually the thoughts were no longer as bad or bothering me almost completely gone! I felt new brand new!!!!!!!!!
I met this girl we started dating, ( yeah I was about 21-22 and never really really dated before or even had sex) We got married January 2016 and for the next 3 years I had a new life. Looking back I did mess up and should've did some things different but no evil thoughts...
I had to get surgery to get my wisdom teeth removed and was prescribed like 30 pain pills.
I took them and then kept taking them and was addicted to them.I started to go back to my old ways, abusing them snorting them too just get high. Then I stoled a pain pill from my dad to get high. Then I had a thought " I wonder if it was the weed that really did me this way or not" Then I got back on weed smoking it. I smoked a gram a day for 6 months never missed a day, and I started doing ' dabs ' which was very potent. Started listening to this evil rap music with some pretty vile lyrics.....
I always also had a fear of my wife cheating on me also.
When I first started back smoking weed again, my wife had this co worker friend who smoked weed.She asked him to bring her some back for me. He went to Colorado and brought back some weed and she went over to his house picked it up and brought it home and gave it to me. Months rolled by and one day i found out on google maps she visited his house again besides that one time. I asked her and she lied pretty much and I thought the worst like hey my wife has been cheating on me, and I TRIED SO HARD for 4 MONTHS everyday to get this out my mind. I would have thoughts over and over about them having sex and It haunted me for 4 months straight. I thought nothing would ever be the same.
After this i was really paranoid and couldn't trust anyone my cousins, my dad etc... I would call her everyday and cry and cuss her and demand her home and I just couldn't drop it.
I regret all this now because I know nothing went on but I was so heart broken. I couldn't see why God allowed this gave her to me and this happened.
One night I was smoking weed with my 2 cousins and I was sitting there and I had a random thought like a whisper pop in my mind that said " I love sa... "
Right after I thought " OH NO here we go again "
balling asking for prayer I knew this is a spiritual attack.
And since September of 2018 I have been plagued again with blasphemous thoughts.
It's been almost 6-7 months of me going through this everyday.
And since I have heard more messages in tongues being spoken.
I just feel like God can't forgive me a second time.
I went back to the Doctor just recently it's been 1 week today and I am now on Zoloft 25mg and in 1 week I go to 50mg
Please pray for me I prayed to never go back through this mental torment again and sometimes I feel like I can't go on no more. The fear that grips me and the millions of questions that go through my mind. I have since stopped smoking weed, listening to rap music heck i just plugged my computer back in after months of it being in the closet.