How old were you when you married?

[Saricharity]

My husband is 22 and I am 21. We married in June. My mom was 18 when she married.

Do you think it's better to be younger or older when you marry ??

 

[Paidiske]

I was 26, husband was 32.

I don't think there's a perfect age, but I think the drawbacks become more apparent at the extremes, if I can put it that way.

(My grandmother was 16 when she married, and really was too young).

 

[A_Thinker]

I was 40.

My wife and I both were in our middle adult years.

Lots of adjustments, ... but a sustaining relationship ...

I'd argue for more maturity for those who are marrying. Some persons have more maturity earlier, some later ...

 

[tulc]

we were both 21 when we got married in 1976. I'm now 63 and she's 49.
tulc(is married to a miracle!)

 

[All4Christ]

31 for me; 36 for my husband.

 

[DZoolander]

My husband is 22 and I am 21. We married in June. My mom was 18 when she married.

Do you think it's better to be younger or older when you marry ??

First time, 28 - lasted about a year...lol. Second time, 36.

I think it's better to be older, for far too many reasons than I'll bother outlining here.

 

[PeachieKeen]

Got married this June. I'm 28 and husband is 27.

I always wanted to be married young because I wanted more time with my husband and more time before having kids. That being said I'm soooo glad God didn't give me a spouse young now. I have changed so much from when I was in college and even from when I had just graduated. If I had married someone who suited me then, they would drive me insane now!

I will definitely encourage my (Lord willing) kids to wait because i don't think you realize how immature you are until life and time somehow matures you and its hindsight. But if my kids still want to assume the risk of young marriage of course id support them. It probably boils down to a God thing anyways.

 

[DZoolander]

I always wanted to be married young because I wanted more time with my husband and more time before having kids. That being said I'm soooo glad God didn't give me a spouse young now. I have changed so much from when I was in college and even from when I had just graduated. If I had married someone who suited me then, they would drive me insane now!

Pretty much the crux of why I said "get married later" - I'd just have been far more long winded about it. lol

 

[Paidiske]

I didn't necessarily feel I wanted to have waited longer, but in hindsight I really do wish we had done proper marriage preparation. That might have saved us a lot of arguments down the track.

 

[PeachieKeen]

One more thing to say on this. Ive noticed (most of my friends and family married right out of college) that in the very young marriages even if the couple hasn't grown apart it seems they haven't grown at all. The right after college marriages all have stayed in the same town. The career ambitions they once had they've chosen not to pursue so they've all sat in a job they hate and have no plans to try and find their passions. The women who all once had great career and travel ambitions ended up having kids very quickly and quitting their jobs (no problem with that if that's what you want, but these girls definitely didn't). When I talk to these people it's like a time capsule.. They speak with college maturity and always about the past.

I think if one does decide to marry young, both need to agree to push eachother to continued growth. Don't settle in complacency for fear of growing apart.

 

[seeking.IAM]

I was 22 and my wife was 19. We've been married 44 years. Her parents thought we should wait, so we did. We put it off for 6 months.

 

[DZoolander]

I didn't necessarily feel I wanted to have waited longer, but in hindsight I really do wish we had done proper marriage preparation. That might have saved us a lot of arguments down the track.

Ya know - I've got mixed feelings about the whole marriage preparations stuff - because I think that people don't really know how they'll react to things until the rubber hits the road.

For example - I was with my first wife for 7ish years before we got married. We spent pretty much all our time together. We did marriage prep courses. We were married in the Catholic church - so we had to do the whole "Catholic Engaged Encounter" weekend together thing where you spend the whole time talking about your attitudes/taking tests about compatibility/etc.

We scored REALLY high on all of those things - primarily because having been together so long - we knew what each other would say about things. 7 years is a long time to fill with conversation, ya know?

But once the actual marriage happened - and once reality set in - it was a far different scenario and nothing went to plan. It was an utter disaster.

In retrospect - while I think that understanding "yourself" as a couple is important - I think that understanding yourself and being truthful with yourself in relation to that other person is far more important and of consequence. What she TRULY wanted was far different than what "we together" said we wanted. What I wanted was not what she wanted - and it was only the marriage being real that brought those things to the forefront.

A bit more honest selfishness about yourself and your point of view - and figuring out how that relates to the "couple" I think is what's needed...and rarely do those marriage prep things (at least the ones I've been exposed to) do that.

Just my .02

 

[Paidiske]

I mean more things like, if we'd been more aware of our personality differences and how those could grate on one another, we could have talked about how to manage that and come up with an agreed approach... rather than the penny dropping after years of arguing (when, for quite different reasons, we'd both done some personality profile stuff and gone "Oohhh, all our arguments make so much sense now.")

It wasn't so much what we both wanted, in terms of big picture stuff, but more everyday things like - she likes to plan, he likes to go with the flow; which could drive us up the wall!

 

[Poppyseed78]

I was 24 and my husband was 31 when we got married.

 

[Jane_Doe]

Husband and I were both 26.

There's no "right" age to get married: it completely depends on the two individuals and relationship involved. There's pluses and minuses of things happening earlier or later in life.

The one thing I will say is that it's never the right time to fake marry-- aka move in together / have sex / play house without real commitment. Whenever it comes the time to commit and be one with another person, do it right with real and official commitment and bond.

 

[OK Jeff]

I didn't necessarily feel I wanted to have waited longer, but in hindsight I really do wish we had done proper marriage preparation. That might have saved us a lot of arguments down the track.

I’ll second this. Sums us up perfectly.
Now as another point, neither of us was pure when we married, she was 28, I was 26. That was another result of our individual immaturity. But it’s caused (and still does occasionally cause) insecurity, jealousy, self doubt, and regret. That’s one ugly side affect of having waited. I’m not sure there is a good answer to the initial question.

 

[Saricharity]

I was 22 and my wife was 19. We've been married 44 years. Her parents thought we should wait, so we did. We put it off for 6 months.

My husband proposed to me when I was 16 LOL My parents weren't impressed.
My dad wanted us to wait until I was at least 21 so we honoured him in that.
Most of my friends marry young in my neck of the woods. It isn't unusual. Most of my friends married around 19.

 

[All4Christ]

My husband proposed to me when I was 16 LOL My parents weren't impressed.
My dad wanted us to wait until I was at least 21 so we honoured him in that.
Most of my friends marry young in my neck of the woods. It isn't unusual. Most of my friends married around 19.

Wow, that is really young compared to our area! 24 is considered to be on the younger side anything under 21 is really young for our area

 

[mama2one]

married in our 20s

 

[DZoolander]

Yeah, it's funny how the appropriate age to marry is so regional.

Like I grew up in Los Angeles, where everyone seems to get married later. But my wife and I bought a house out in rural North Carolina a number of years back and decided to try something different. People there married at much younger ages than what we were accustomed to.

Had other interesting side-effects though. Like the girl that cut my hair one day was telling me all about her husband...and it turned out her husband had been previously married to her best friend...but that hadn't worked out.

My main thought was "Guess that's what happens when there's slim pickins'"